ultimate necessity

It’s mardi gras time here in sin city so I’m leafing through all the associated literature and I find an ad for the Ultimate Health and Hygiene Necessity for Your Lifestyle – the Hyundai Bidet!

“douche yourself in seconds with the Enema Wash feature, Auto Dry ready for action any day any time and end those embarrassing moments during and after sex. the Hyundai Bidet is the ultimate in Health and Hygiene and will improve your Love Life. Be among the thousands of Australians who have experienced the Life Changing Benefits of this fine bidet.”

just what are those embarrassing moments during and after sex that the Hyundai Bidet ends? and Auto Dry ready for action? that sounds kinda unjuicy. but mostly I want to know what the Life Changing Benefits would be so I visited their website…….

My husband used to spend a lot of time on the throne, now I can’t get him out of the bathroom.
“Name Withheld” sent in this testimonial. I’m more confused than ever. Was the “throne” he used to sit on not already in the bathroom? Is “Name Withheld” grateful for this change in habits or is this actually a complaint?

so I checked out the FAQ:

HOW CAN A BIDET IMPROVE MY SEX LIFE?

1/ When cleanliness is an issue, both men and women who want better hygiene before or after sexual activities can utilize our bidet for the cleansing and pulsating massage functions.

Pulsating massage functions….. now you’re talking. Let’s investigate the Health Issues section:

In more than a few ads for bidets, doctors claim the device may even prevent colon cancer, but we have found no study so far that substantiates that.Despite the lack of hard data, it seems reasonable that just the thought of a device that might prevent surgeons from one day removing a substantial portion of your rectum would create a frenzied run on bidets.

Well if the lure of pulsating massage functions doesn’t get you in then the (unsubstantiated) threat of losing a substantial portion of your rectum might.

Putting in the gimcrack’s order now…..

Published in: on February 24, 2007 at 9:33 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Just for the perverse entertainment of engineering an alternative, one could drill two holes in the bottom of a galvanized bucket, fit a shower massage head to one hole and a drain hose to the other as a cheap replacement. A walker could be situated astride the ensuing contraption.

    Kind of like the Yugo of bidets, if Hyundai is devoting excess plant capacity to crotch-only water fountains.

  2. my my that’s some imagination you have there Mr Former Editor. you can come redecorate the gimcrack anytime

  3. Just applying 20th century ingenuity to 21st century problems . . . .

  4. The first time I saw this device I had no clue. It was at a very expensive hotel($5 for 6 hours). So I turned on all the way, threw a penny in it and made a wish. It did not come true so from then on I asked for a room with a normal bathroom which was also 75 cents cheaper.


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