Lizza has asked me to share my extensive knowledge of the male reproductive system with readers of Gimcrack Hospital.
Phallomancy is at best an inaccurate science and those with an interest in it must be prepared to run many blind trials. nursmyra has dedicated much of her precious free time to this pursuit as she believes her experiments will provide a valuable contribution to population control research.
Traditional knowledge of phallomancy has been around for thousands of years in India and Tibet.
The following is an extract from Stars of India: Travels in Search of Astrologers and Fortune Tellers, by Peter Holt, Mainstream Publishing Company, Edinburgh, 1998.
From Chapter 5: “Attacked by a Tibetan Oracle”.
Beginning of Extract:
The Tibetans believe it is unlucky for a man to be over-endowed. He will be a rich and good husband if his penis is no more than six finger widths’ long. But if while squatting, the penis reaches to the bottom of his heels, his life will be full of sorrow.
The Hindus have similar beliefs. According to the Brihat Samhita, a big penis can only mean trouble — the man will be poor and will have no sons. If his member is straight, small and sinewy he will be rich. A penis inclining towards the left indicates poverty. If a man has perfect, matching testicles of the same size he will be a king and if they’re not matching, he’ll be fond of sex. If the glans penis be depressed in the middle, the person will father daughters and be poor; if it is raised in the middle, he will have many cows; if it’s not very large, he will be rich.
Semen is also important. If it smells like honey, the man will be rich; like salt he will be poor; like fish, he will have many children. If it is thin he will have daughters and live in great comfort. Finally, forget the superstud routine if you want a long life. A person whose sexual intercourse lasts no more than a minute or so will live long, but prolonged bouts of rumpy-pumpy will lead to an early death.
for women wishing to bear and raise children without the
irritation support of a husband, I would recommend locating a small, straight, sinewy penis attached to a man who cums quickly with lots of fishy smelling semen.
in the interests of medical science nursemyra wishes to offer comfort and succour to sad men who find squatting uncomfortable. I have no objection to uneven testicles and adore the taste of honey.
only those with raised glans will be considered for my upcoming clinical trial. financial conditions apply, but these can be settled by transferring ownership of your cows to me. participants will be expected to engage in prolonged bouts of rumpy pumpy. there are risks attached so you will need to sign a disclaimer exonerating nursemyra from juducial proceedings if early death results.
* except those belonging to Violet Towne