we don’t give a rat’s arse about the bowel charts

my previous post on bowel charts was well received. it seems my readers are avid for information about what to expect should they grow old and infirm and end up in an asylum aged care / psychiatric facility like the gimcrack. presumably the picture of traineenurse practising her enema skills had nothing to do with the record number of visits this blog received that day.

medical professionals can become obsessed with the workings of the bowel and are known to divine all sorts of things by sifting through bodily wastes and practising the dark arts of scatomancy. of course as with any obsession, some people can take this too far which was the case today when I discovered the kitchen manager keeping a bowel chart on the rats that have been helping themselves to our daily bread delivery.

since this problem started a week or so ago, we have had the pest control people in to lay bait as visitors of this ilk will not be tolerated. whatever nasty concoction it is they laid, it has the effect of turning their droppings red after ingestion. once there is enough in their system they will fall into a deep painless sleep and not wake up again. at least this is what the brochure assured me.

while the droppings have gone through several colour changes from blush, pink, salmon, berry, fuschia, pillarbox and purple the bread is still being nibbled. keeping a bowel chart on our bread biting friends is not proactive enough for nursemyra. today I engaged a different pest controller who laid out some tasty glue traps.  the theory behind this method is the rat’s feet adhere to the glue the instant they step on it. next day the controller comes back, collects the lot and releases his catch into a beautiful green field in the country.

at least that’s what the brochure says…..