dentally retarded

we’ve been in quarantine for three days now and I’m thinking of of making it a permanent state of affairs. with patients confined to their rooms nursemyra’s job is a whole lot easier. no more searching the building when it’s time to dish out the meds, no more escorting the recalcitrant to exercise classes, no more filing missing person reports to the local police.

kitchen staff are complaining as their workload has doubled. the dozen or so patients with gastro are restricted to water, dry crackers and bonox until their sypmtoms clear up. everyone else can enjoy have the normal menu. today the choice was tripe casserole, prawn vol au vents or pureed vegetarian spam . Trust me on this, you really don’t want our prawns.

CK avoided the bug so he was devouring tripe when we heard a shriek from his room. traineenurse was dispatched to investigate and came back holding a hunk of ugly brown tooth. a minute later another shriek and yet another disgusting hunk.

so we called the mobile dentist who braved a look into CK’s mouth and used something like this   to prise out the rotting remainders in record time. apparently they were baby teeth that hadn’t fallen out in childhood and a whole row of them were embedded behind the nasty yellow fangs CK showed when pretending to smile.

“they’re rotting and they’ve all got to come out” said our intrepid dentist. I expected CK to object but he was distracted by the arrival of a buxom dental assistant who batted her eyelashes and made cooing sounds while patting him on the head.

it was over in minutes and we all gathered round the kidney dish to marvel at the disgusting nuggets from CK’s mouth. the dentist and his assistant packed up their tools and left the building, hopefully without contracting our friendly gastro bug.

a timely warning for those who’ve neglected their teeth. if you don’t want to restrict your diet to pureed vegetarian spam when you reach gimcrack age…….