auditing tools

whenever nursemyra finds herself with time on her hands at work she samples the contents of the S8 drug cupboard conducts an audit to make sure correct procedures are being followed. the junior staff can get a bit sloppy with their paperwork and auditing patient files is one way of nipping it in the bud.

trainees record the strangest things when writing up case notes. yesterday juniorfilly decided “Mr J’s erection is not as firm as it used to be and he is concerned” was something that needed to be documented. juniorfilly is not from an english speaking background so sometimes her notes can take some deciphering.

“how did this topic arise?” we wondered. “he ask me to make evaluation every morning when we shower it. I tell him today’s not as hard as yesterday’s”

juniorfilly has been working as a Nursing Assistant in several different countries as she backpacks her way around the globe.  I’m not sure if the measuring of erections was included in the job description elsewhere but the gimcrack doesn’t require such attention to detail.

we’ve rostered Bruno onto juniorfilly’s ward now. Mr J will no doubt be disappointed but I’m sure we can arrange a prostate exam with a specialist if the problem persists.

juniorfilly’s 3 month work visa is up and she’s headed to new zealand next.  instead of references we usually give our departing staff a typed statement confirming they were employed by us for X amount of time. I added a handwritten p.s.

“ juniorfilly will be sadly missed. she was always willing to pitch in and lend a hand”

I hope new zealand is ready for her

nurse_vixn-les-toil-cleacia.jpg

Published in: on July 21, 2007 at 1:00 am Comments (14)

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  1. Re: nipping – I’ve known people who say “nipping it in the butt.”

    When this happens I don’t know how to respond or what to say. Any suggestions?

  2. …ahem, nursie? being an aussie…perhaps you could explain the “sheep & kiwi” joke to penfold?

  3. It’s amazing what problems arise at the Gimcrack – keep cracking that whip Nursemyra.

  4. And, in the margins, you might wish to add ‘Please excuse the shaky handwriting…’

  5. RaJ: you could try showing them your bud

    nmm: oh I think he was just toying with you :-)

    DaddyP: probably the same problems that arise in your gated community……

    BB: now we don’t want to alert the kiwis too much. let them find out at their own pace

  6. Nurse Vixen looks quite a handful.

    Well, two handfuls.

  7. nothing that you can’t handle m’lord

  8. I would say that she went above and beyond the call of duty

    I thought all nursing assistants had to do was to get down on their hands and knees!

    Why, I would strongly recommend her for the innovative use of her hands!

  9. I was just sitting here thinking……. (it’s the first time this year…now I must rest)

    So, after the family reports the nursing staff for vulnerable adult issues, how does administration explain and defend such a statement in a court of law

  10. well I don’t think we’re as litigation happy as you guys just yet.

    but maybe I’ll stop with the handwritten addendums just in case

  11. No, don’t stop, they’re hysterical :o

  12. [...] communing at happy hour have I mentioned before that the gimcrack is a charitable institution owned by a certain church? we’ve got baptists, seventh day adventists, lutherans, methodists, buddhists, catholics, jews and even a shinto patient – you don’t have to be a ****** to qualify for our hand jobs tender loving care. [...]

  13. [...] prides itself on its excellent occupational health and safety record. our staff are trained in manual handling and we all know how to move an inert patient safely. the rule is to always use the mechanical [...]

  14. [...] I like this 1880s invention  found at the sex machines museum as it has the added advantage of showing you exactly where your golden shower is originating from. very handy for drug testing Bruno. [...]


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