this post is mostly about Duc again because her bad behaviour is becoming repetitive. a local charity hosts a christmas picnic for our patients every december. the DT and the kitchen manager give up their day off to escort our inmates to the feast. nursemyra declines, I’m just not that dedicated.
saturday’s picnic was not, apparently, an unqualified success. it’s only for the more able-bodied and the numbers are strictly limited to 35. but one old cow dear who was not invited managed to get herself and her walking frame onto the bus and refused to budge until reaching her destination. so to keep the peace she got her wish and eventually the picnic began.
the cow this old dear, who doesn’t respond well to alcohol, decided after a couple of sherries that she didn’t like something the woman next to her said and so she punched her. in the face. and was punched in return. these are women aged in their 80s, one on a walking frame, and they are punching each other in the middle of a picnic for chrissakes.
while the DT was separating the boxers Duc was demanding another sausage. she got up from her table and followed the sausage-distributing waiter, determined to get her mouth around some more meat as quickly as possible. whenever she wants something she says it over and over “I want some meat, I want some meat, I want some meat…….”
the volunteers who help out at these charity picnics are usually only one step away from being gimcrack patients themselves. the waiter Duc was chasing was old and slow and understandably nervous about being stalked by a giant transexual. he started to pick up the pace, didn’t look where he was going, and tripped. the tray slipped out of his hands and sausages went flying through the air, landing in all directions.
Duc was grabbing sausages off the ground, stuffing them into her mouth and down the front of her dress. the waiter refused to be helped to his feet, saying he was sure he had broken his arm in the fall, so an ambulance was called.
by the time it arrived the DT had banished Duc to the bus where she sat sulking and nibbling on grass covered sausages. the two boxers were sitting at separate tables holding ice packs on their blackening eyes. the volunteer was carted off for x-rays and no one got dessert because the ice cream had melted while the fracas was unfolding.
**
so now you know why nursemyra doesn’t go to the charity picnic……
** the x-rays were clear, no broken bones, just another attention-seeking hypochondriac. hopefully, he’ll opt for another hospital instead of the gimcrack when his time does come
nursemyra, i’m in love with your writing skills/style. do you write other than on the blog?
You know, I take it all back, there is no way I want to work at the gimcrack. Hysterical, but no way. It always sounds like Tim Burton gone Marx Brothers and horribly wrong besides.
This is why YouTube was invented.
Ha…I was going to say the same thing Kynknoord said. This should have been captured on video. Cheers!!
Poor Duc she is obviously missing her sausage … gosh I think I would be worried being followed by a huge image in a frock shouting ‘I want some meat’
Classic
I too want to break the dull beef habit. Who’s with me?
Sounds like the average works picnic - after the third keg is broached - well worth avoiding
Oh, and I don’t think the Duc should be invited next year. Although a necklace of strung-together sausages sounds like an appropriate Chrissy Pressie for him-err her.
Now, see, after reading that I don’t understand at all why you don’t go to the picnic. Think of the photos!!
At least there is plenty of medical aid on hand for these raucous picnics!
Will there be news at eleven here? Or perhaps one of my relatives was involved in the fracus? Geez. At least we can all sleep knowing that the cow was able to get some vitamins and roughage with her meat. Smart woman, you, for avoiding these shindigs.
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