drink up

there are a lot of different ways of using coke

 but even the gimcrack’s kitchen would never stoop so low as to serve any of these.

The Coca-Cola Consumer Information Center offers a free packet of recipes including a Mustard Herb Dressing (an Italian style salad dressing made with one-half cup of Coca-Cola), a Twin Cheese Dip (requiring three-quarter cup of Coca-Cola and doubling as a sandwich filling), and Sweet-Sour Cabbage (using one-half cup of Coca-Cola and two tablespoons of bacon drippings).

we prefer to use lard. it’s much cheaper and in an emergency it can be used as a lubricant on the tip of an enema nozzle

smile for the camera

the gimcrack is in an area once well known for prostitution and drug dealing. of course its been gentrified, particularly at our end of the street, but it’s still considered “high risk” by insurance companies and you wouldn’t want to wander too far from a streetlamp at night.

one of the first posts I ever wrote for the gimcrack was about playing back the footage on our security camera and discovering an enterprising madam had set up an after hours mobile fuckfest in our driveway. I later deleted that post in a frenzy of housekeeping but readers who’ve been with me from the beginning may remember she utilised a couple of cars, one for the money earning act and the other as a bar where waiting customers shared pre and postprandial ciggies and beer.

our camera is pretty well concealed, but the local police know it’s there and today they came calling to ask nursemyra a favour. apparently there was a holdup in the street last night and they were hoping the action may have been caught on our hidden camera.

so nursemyra had the fun job of sitting beside a handsome detective while watching the playback footage. we saw lots of action but not the gun toting kind. I apologised to DesirableDetective but he assured me the hour we’d spent together had not been wasted and invited me back to the station sometime to inspect his etchings look at mugshots. I said I’d think about it, but the description of his suspect didn’t sound like anyone I’ve seen lately

 

a cherry a day

yesterday nursemyra gave advice to her readers on ways to avoid fungal infections. today’s lesson is about eating a balanced diet. my good friends at the Love Shop understand the value of three serves of fruit a day. with the consumer’s health in mind they stock apple, cherry and strawberry g-strings

Erotique Juicy Cherry Crotchless G-string features an amazing piece of lingerie that strikes by its original design. The crotchless sexy G-string allows you to relish penetrative sex and fine access of your favorite sex toys to your sensible genitals. Moreover, the revealing garment is embellished with decorative cherries for more fun and fancy sex party.

Erotique Juicy Heart Crotchless G-string represents a jiggly piece of lingerie designed to awake all your intimate feelings and burning flames of passion. The sexy G-string features a crotchless design for easier penetration during your sex games. Moreover, the come-hitcher charm of the provocative heart applied on this enticing garment is hard to resist.

moving along from the sweet to the savoury, I noticed this site, Asian Vegetable Sex. I didn’t go any further than the front page, quite frankly looking at pictures of girls with yams up their yoni is not really my thing. but I was impressed with the variety of vegetables on offer

Hot Asian girls getting off with carrots, cucumbers, zucchinis, endive, parsnips, grapes, leeks, chilis, and more.

I’m not sure about having a labia full of leek though. I think there would be conflicting aroma issues. nursemyra recommends eating vegetables not abusing them

some people like to play around with food. if they do this in a sexual manner it’s called sploshing. others use sharp knives and ingenuity to combine food and religion. or food and erotica, depending on which altar they worship at

unlike mark ryden, medical professionals like to keep parsnips out of the operating room. there is a strange resemblance to nursemyra in ryden’s portrayal of birth. the sly expression on his matron’s face is the same one I adopt when I get to use one of my instruments…

it’s what’s underneath that counts

we’re experiencing some pretty hot weather here in sydney. it’s a nice time of year to sit in the shade with a cold drink, none of that crazy exercising stuff for nursemyra. I caution my patients about the perils of getting too hot and sweaty as this can lead to nasty fungal infections like candida.

both sexes should wear modest cotton undergarments that are not too tight. your local member of the clergy can often advise you on this. cardinal wolsey recommends the “never shrink” type

I’ve been doing my own research and found some interesting examples of what NOT to wear at Love Shop’s Lingerie for Men. I’d never thought to use the word lingerie when referring to men’s underwear before, but the good people at this site even stock panties for men.

Chase the boredom from your bedroom with Breakaway Briefs! This amazing panties allures and makes your sexual instincts more vivid in a while.

Such access pants will come as a surprise in your bedroom and will be great unexpectedness for your lover.

Party Time After Hours For Him is a gorgeous attire designed to imbue your sexual rendezvous with unforgettable sensations and sensuality.

they stock a cornucopia of delights for the discerning pervert shopper. though I must say the mesh enhancers (above left) did not seem to be living up to its promise to “make you look HUGE!” (you can click on the pic to enlarge it but the package remains rather small) perhaps there had been some mix up with the advertising copy and those words were intended for the leather jock tanga instead………

any readers who are planning to attend nursemyra’s sexual health clinic are advised not to turn up wearing anything remotely resembling a tanga

 

wholesome lubricant for foreskin freshness

click on the image for full effect

nursemyra supports strict hygiene practices, especially when it concerns the genitals. Dr. Wright would like to assure us that the much maligned smegma has a place in sexual pleasure, providing a “wholesome lubricant” between the foreskin and the penis.

A problem arises in collection of fresh smegma in sufficient amount for experimental research. For this reason some workers have used smegma from horses because these animals produce it is large amounts. But despite repeated inoculations of horse smegma into the vaginas of laboratory animals, the results have been conflicting with regard to its inducing malignant disease.

I’ll take the doctor’s word for it that fresh smegma is inoffensive, it’s the stale variety that should be avoided at all costs. so it’s heartening to know that those good people at the Betty Hubbard clinic have patented a handy little appliance*** that eradicates phallic fungi at the touch of a button.

*** recommended by the British Felching Association

charmed by the snake

nursemyra, like others in her profession, sees many different trouser snakes during the course of her work.

I also like the other kind of snake and since it’s australia day (also known as invasion day or aboriginal survival day) here’s something for my ophidiophobiac readers. when living in La Perouse I often watched George Cann’s two sons, George Jnr and John, go through their snake handling routine. their show was a lot tamer than Captain de Voy’s but both had one other thing in common: they kept supplies of a snake bite antidote on hand.

since George’s involved using a cutthroat razor you’d probably prefer Captain de Voy’s

His medicine-chest for the relief of a human being bitten by a snake contains but one antidote — Irish whisky. This he always endeavours to keep in a state which would be viewed with disfavour by the Excise, viz.; 25 to 30 degrees over-proof. To saturate the wound externally, and the body internally with strong Irish whisky is, according to Captain De Voy, the only reliable cure for snake-bite.

please note that sucking a snake bite to get rid of the poison has been out of favour for many years. of course this does not apply to trouser snakes

latex, corset and fan on a friday

Azahar sent me this lovely fan

boys with large helmets

Survival of the Sickest has so much fabulous stuff in it that nursemyra wants to share. this is what I’ve been learning about epigenetics…..

voles have a gene that determines how thick their fur is. at the time of conception, if the weather is warm the vole will be born with a lightweight coat, but if mama vole is doing the tango in winter, her baby will emerge dressed in thermals and a sleeping bag.

there’s a crustacean who produces cute little offspring in calm waters but if the environment is full of predators, she pops out babies with a large helmet and spines.

the theory is that some genes can be turned on or off depending on external influences. if a particular species of lizard smells a lizard eating snake while pregnant, junior will be born with a bigger body and longer tail than if she had just been smelling the roses.

so far experiments with epigenes has been confined to animals but nursemyra feels there could be advantages for humans sometime in the future. I mean, who doesn’t like a big helmet? and those spiny things that sex shops sell….. what if they were built in?

as for the smelling thing. let’s just say for instance that pregnantmiss happened to catch a whiff of nursemyra. not that I eat lizards, but I have been known to drool at the sight of a large helmet. now if ms pregnant’s epigenes decided nursemyra was predatory then they might give her baby embryo a bigger six pack and a longer tail.

my new role in life….. hanging around fecund women for the good of all mankind

who’s really in charge? **

nursemyra has been reading a fascinating book: Survival of the Sickest by Dr. Sharon Moalem. it’s all about parasites, reproduction, genetics and evolution and is bursting with provocative theories and facts.

the chapter on toxoplasma gondii had me intrigued. this parasite can live in any warm blooded mammal but only reproduces sexually in cats. so how does it get from a mouse back into a cat if it’s horny? when a mouse eats infected cat droppings, T. gondii can manipulate Mickey’s behaviour.

the mouse becomes fat, lethargic and attracted to the smell of pussy. he virtually serves himself up for dinner. so what does this mean for humans?

Professor Flegr hypothesizes that women infected with T. gondii spend more money on clothes and are rated as being more attractive than those who are not. they are more easygoing, care more about their appearance and have a higher level of intelligence than their control group, but are also less trustworthy and possibly more promiscuous.

some researchers (Hatalski & Lipkin) are examing the possibility that genital herpes may affect human sexual behaviour. “…ganglion infection may modulate sensory input to sex organs leading to increased sexual activity and enhanced probability of virus transmission”

in other words, herpes wants you to get some action.

remember the nurse’s advice for her patients? practise safe sex, people. carry a condom at all times. and be extra careful around well dressed intelligent women…..

** hey, for once this is about serious research.

the reincarnation of eva braun

so our beloved D.O.N has finally departed. we had the official farewell today which was nowhere near as libidinous laidback as the staff farewell we had a week or so ago.

all the bigwigs from head office attended and two of our long term patients gave presentations. the first was barnacle bill who is 104 years old and attributes his longevity to gambling and whiskey. or is it broccoli and whiskey? I forget, but whiskey is one of them. he had to sit down half way through but he talked eloquently and off the cuff for about 6 minutes.

and then we had Miss S. whenever there’s a farewell, Miss S, who is originally from germany, writes an excrutiatingly bad poem for the occasion and builds some hideous eyesore from doileys or paddlepop sticks. the D.O.N. is leaving because her psychiatrist partner got a promotion in a sought after location so Miss S had run with the “moving ” theme and constructed a house containing a bed and two “people”. I’ll skip the interminable drawn out stagey unveiling of the house of horrors and move on to her positioning of the “people”

ok so it wasn’t quite like this but for the duration of the recital she played puppetmaster with these two figures on the bed. now really, if you’re moving two  human shapes into various close positions on a bed while reciting poetry about being flexible and bending over backwards and raising flagpoles and big shoes to fill and you’re doing all this in front of an unsophisticated disinhibited room of crazy people there’s going to be some tittering.

Ian, I have no idea what this fraulein is talking about but for the sake of a cheap laugh  can we say it’s walking in high heels and applying some polish? because that was what we were laughing at today while Miss S. milked her moment in the spotlight. we could try adjustmenting her meds but the physio is also leaving for greener pastures next month and I can’t wait to see what epic poem she’ll come up with for that little shindig.

for obvious reasons the D.O.N doesn’t know about my blog but I’m sure all my readers join me in wishing her and Dr. D.O.N. great success in their new venture. Goulburn is in for a treat…..