would you like breast with your cereal?
nursemyra sees many unsightly things during the course of her working day, but Mrs. L’s breasts would be two of the worst. I had occasion to enter her room this morning only to find her propped up in bed sound asleep. on her lap was a breakfast tray with fruit, tea, toast and a bowl of cereal. the bowl also contained one of her breasts, caught in the act of freefall.
I backed out of the room very quietly and returned to my office to evaluate the medicinal brandy. it took several swigs before I could soldier on so we may need to doctor it up a little for the next emergency. in the meantime, it’s imperative that we haul those errant breastages back in so I’ve been scouring the net for a solution.
I’m not sure how effective these chestsavers would be, as the site specifies “Your breasts are separated Individually, NOT as a pair!”
Mrs. L’s have already stretched so far from their original position that they’re practically divorced rather than just separated.
For all of those women who may feel helpless when wearing low cut tops, dresses, or bathing suits due to those pesky chest and lower neck wrinkles, there is a solution!
neither nursemyra nor Mrs. L qualify as ‘helpless’ so I may have to continue looking further afield. other patents utilise a “device for preventing wrinkles in the area of the breasts of a human female comprising: a contoured one-piece member constructed of a rigid material”
applicants for the position of preventing breast wrinkles from marring nursemyra’s chest may be made via the comments.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is: http://nursemyra.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/would-you-like-breast-with-your-cereal/trackback/
Thanks to your lead, i’ve done extensive research on the chestsavers website
http://www.chestsavers.com/chest_wrinkles_creases.html
and have found that
“When a woman sleeps on her side, the breasts fall together and create lines, wrinkles and creases between the breasts, up the chest and into the lower neck area. These wrinkles, lines and creases eventually remain embedded in the chest and lower neck areas.”
The article goes on to suggest that sleeping on your back won’t help, as you’ll roll onto your side again as soon as you’re asleep.
Well, the obvious answer is to sleep hanging upside down. Like, from a branch, or the canopy of a four-poster bedstead.
This will not only help fight off those unsightly vertical betwixt-breast wrinkles, but also help to compensate for those nasty horizontal under-breast wrinkles that develop during the upright hours of the day, too.
And it’s free.
I’m not quite sure how to spread the message. It’s a choice between either an infomercial or an advertorial, as far as i can see. Or possibly an advermercial, or an infotorial…
I have a contoured one-piece member constructed of a rigid material. Will that help?
I would happily place my rigid member at your disposal for whatever use you see fit. Problem is, I hate waiting in long lines.
In case you didn’t see it yesterday, here is another picture for your files, though it’s nowhere near as piquant as your priapus-worshiping nudes.
I never knew that being surrounded by huge phalluses stopped a lady’s breasts from wrinkling. How about getting someone to oil and massage them regularly, Nursie?
Oiling and massaging the phalluses?
Please form the queue to the right!
Not only am I volunteering for the job, but I’m willing to pay for it. By the way, I also have warm hands, but a cold heart.
the chest saver is a step up from the sportsbra - which provides that oh-so-sexy ‘uniboob’ look.
as far as breast wrinklage? the engineer in me says ‘inflate’. and given the droopage, i’d recommend helium. but from the sounds of it, to fully remove the wrinkles she’d end up hanging from the ceiling…
gravity sucks.
Big time . . .
I’m with Azahar. put your engineer’s hat back on Daisyfae and come up with a solution to gravity. there’s probably a prize in it too!
Hmm… never had a bowl of breast for breastfast, I mean breakfast.
NM gravity has avoided you from what I see on a Friday!!
I thought that was the point of corsets - to shove everything back into its pre-gravity state.
I believe there are creams available on the market designed to reduce wrinkles and combat the signs of aging, but there is no cream more potent than my very own brand, which I will happily dispense upon you and rub firmly into your fine chest, m’dear.
I never volunteer for anything, until now…
I have a ChestSaver and it does NOT do the “uniboob” thing its quite the opposite, it keeps the boobs apart and not only does it work for getting rid of the wrinkles but it looks OH SO SEXY!!!
