more safe sex

I’m still amazed by the variety of condoms out there. I’ve not yet broached the subject of sex with Duc, our transgendered patient, but I’d like to be prepared should the occasion arise. this one comes in a pretty shade of green, (not a colour I’d previously associated with penises), and has a baffling chingrish name.

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poor Duc is unlikely to get many offers as nature has not been kind to her. recently 70s posted a youtube of kenny everett as Cupid Stunt sporting an impressive pair of breasts. they were certainly eye catching and could well provide some necessary distraction

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transexuals arouse the erotic attentions of many and it’s the term that’s at the top of my search engine results every day. while many male to female transexuals are very beautiful, it’s less common for those who are transgendered and curiosity about them is often more prurient than erotic

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the best chance Duc has of getting laid is if she stumbles across a myopic, hearing impaired gent who’s unlikely to be too alarmed by a baritone voiced and beer bellied “lady”. it might help if they avoid too much foreplay and get down to business as quickly as possible. like pronto!

Published in: on March 31, 2008 at 8:02 am  Comments (26)  

top 9 list of marriage mistakes

bible based marriages have a list of the top 9 marriage mistakes.

  1. Refusing sex when requested is a sin: “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
  2. Creating a dependency link between the two roles of husbands loving their wives and of wives submitting to their husbands.
  3. Husbands failing to unconditionally love and honour their wives, even when they rebelliously refuse to submit.
  4. Wives failing to unconditionally submit to their husbands, even when they are treated badly.
  5. Limiting the extent of submission to “just the big stuff” instead of 100% of the smallest judgement areas. The wife may be the manager of the house, but the husband is the manager of the wife.
  6. Going to bed without resolving a problem. Harboring a grudge or anger from the previous day.
  7. Thinking that professional, certified marriage councilors or Ph D level psychiatrists will help at all.
  8. Thinking that a spouse may separate or divorce without sin.
  9. Wives who address their husbands above a “quiet, respectful, submissive, whisper“, at any time.

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#6 strikes me as sound advice. all of us have habits that tend to annoy our partners from time to time. I can think of better things to argue about than using too much toilet paper

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from the wonderful Sid in the City

but submission doesn’t come easy to some of us. sometimes a successful marriage needs a little pharmaceutical help

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and sometimes there’s just no other way around it. a husband may have to resort to discipline to really show his wife who her manager is

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I don’t think nursemyra will be contemplating marriage any time in the future. according to that list I’d be making several mistakes. plus I don’t know how to whisper……

Published in: on March 30, 2008 at 8:44 am  Comments (27)  

sweeten your man juice

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many men complain that they don’t get enough oral sex. maybe they’re dating the wrong kind of women or maybe they don’t have the right kind of sperm appeal. some women might need a little persuasion before they’ll put objects in their mouths, especially if they have the wrong idea about germs. don’t think about that too much, mouths have way more germs than penises do but it doesn’t seem to stop men from wanting to go there

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the good folk at Semenex have some advice which may or may not help persuade a reluctant female to sample the goodies

About an hour or so before bed, ejaculate at least a time or two before taking Semenex.

  1. Shortly before bed, pour one serving of Semenex into a lidded container of 6 ounces of water (or any other desired potable liquid or beverage).
  2. Close the container lid and shake contents vigorously (that’s right, “shaken, not stirred”). Then drink.

Pineapple; Broccoli; Banana; Celery; Strawberry; Fructose; Cinnamon; Ginger; Nutmeg; Citric Acid; Vitamins B6, B12,
and E; Calcium; Magnesium; Creatine; Selenium; Zinc; and Chlorophyll

well that seems pretty simple doesn’t it? and according to “Rex” it tastes a lot like liquid pumpkin pie. that would be kind of like the pureed lunch we feed to our geriatrics then.

nursemyra likes to see sperm as a pearl necklace. after all that effort, it’s nice for two lovers to lie back and admire the results for a while, inhale the aroma and think of the sea. I’ve never thought of adding it to food but other people have. here’s a dressing recipe for that tossed salad your in-laws asked you to bring to their barbecue

In a screw-top jar combine lemon or lime juice; honey; oil; cinnamon, allspice, or cardamom; paprika and your delicious spunk. Cover and shake well. Refrigerate the dressing until serving time. Shake well before serving. Makes about 3/8 cup (six tablespoon servings). Shake well before using. Add eggs if required

don’t know that I fancy a salad after reading that but I’m always up for a lollipop

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Published in: on March 29, 2008 at 8:41 am  Comments (26)  

casual t shirt friday

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this one is dedicated to renalfailure

Published in: on March 28, 2008 at 10:08 am  Comments (29)  

pied piper

we’ve got rodents at the gimcrack again. I thought we’d taken care of that problem but apparently they had second cousins or great grandchildren and they’re looking to take over the estate. nursemyra does not intend to let that happen

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I was considering the air rifle route though it might damage the pelts and make them unsaleable. they’re not welcome at the gimcrack but you’d be surprised the uses other people have found for them

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it’s not only the chinese who eat rodents, the french are also fond of them though theirs is a river variety. I won’t show you any pictures but you can read the recipe for Rat Stew a la Francaise here

rat art interests me more than rat food. I’d never thought of making accessories from our furry friends but Kristopher Paetau has done exactly that. I rather like the look of the shoes but don’t fancy a rat poking its head around my bottom. still, the photo shoot is very interesting and the models look like they’re having fun.

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I didn’t play the movies so I can’t comment on them but scroll on down to see Suzane’s pics. you may get more than you bargained for.

 

Published in: on March 27, 2008 at 8:11 am  Comments (20)  

another research project

there are some very strange looking condoms on the market these days. nursemyra likes to promote safe sex but I’m not sure putting an alien space craft on your penis is the way to go. you don’t want your object of desire laughing at you

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I’m not afraid of trouser snakes but that’s because I know how to milk them. the snake pictured below is not of the trouser variety so I’d be rather wary of attempting to handle it. would you trust this condom to offer the right sort of protection?

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george from elite fitness (no, this is not a paid ad) is recommending a spiral condom.

the curves of the spiral shaped head of the condom, create a sliding sensation all around the head of the penis. The loose fit at the tip of the condom allowed the nerve endings to remain at their most sensitive, while the friction caused by the extra moving latex produced additional sensation.

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they look weird but he makes them sound interesting, almost like they mimic the action of a foreskin which might be a plus for the circumcised man. I feel like my many research projects are incomplete because I have only slept with circumcised men so I get a biaised view when I ask their opinion on these matters.

luckily, I have research subjects close at hand, one of the many perks of having given birth to a homo. my hetero son shys away from nursemyra’s questionnaires but J. and his boyfriend are always keen to help in the name of science

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after (ahem) raising this issue, I was gratified when J. thanked me for his uncircumcised appendage. to be honest, back then, I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do and allowed myself to be guided by medical opinion. I think subconsciously I had a leaning towards penises that were cut because that was what I was used to, not really a valid reason for chopping bits off my newborn.

so I’m interested in reader’s opinions. if you/your partner were to give birth to a baby boy tomorrow, would you have him circumcised and if so, why?

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Published in: on March 26, 2008 at 7:49 am  Comments (41)  

rumpology

rambo’s mother reckons she can tell a lot about a person by reading their buttocks. Robert Todd Carroll disputes this in his “Rumpology for Dummies”. I always get mama stallone mixed up with other crazy lady who has plastic surgery to make herself look like a cat. I certainly wouldn’t be sending either of them $125.00 and a picture of my butt.

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a peachy round bottom is a beautiful thing and Dr Thomas Roberts can give you one for around $32,000.00. these are the buttock characteristics he can offer

  1. A smooth inward sweep of the lumbosacral area and waist.
  2. A very feminine cleavage as the buttocks separate superiorly and inferiorly.
  3. Maximum prominence in the mid to upper buttocks.
  4. There should be minimal infragluteal crease, with no droop above this line.

he can even show you an “ideal buttocks graph” because different ethnicities prefer different peachy swells

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the trouble with larger buttocks though, is that they can cause problems for some of us medical folk.

CHICAGO (Reuters) – Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach buttock muscle, researchers said on Monday.Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dosage of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their buttocks, researchers from The Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin said in a presentation to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.

nursemyra is of the small bottomed variety. I think any injection I’m likely to receive would have no trouble reaching his its mark. especially if I’m warmed up first

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Published in: on March 25, 2008 at 9:40 am  Comments (23)  

the secret life of clowns

ambroise pare’s book Monstres et Prodiges (1573) details what he believed were the causes of birth defects.

1 Glory of God

2 God’s wrath

3 too much semen

4 not enough semen

5 imagination

6 womb too small

7 unbecoming sitting position of the mother

8 a fall or blow to the mother’s stomach

9 accident

10 corrupted semen

11 mingled semen

12 the artifice of wandering beggars

13 demons

each category was thought to produce a particular kind of “freak of nature”. too much semen produced extra appendages like jean baptiste dos sontos’ double penis

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too little would result in missing limbs or people of very short stature

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back in the days when political correctness was unheard of, being born differently abled often meant a lifetime of being called a freak. by the mid twentieth century that term was out of fashion and those with birth defects were referred to as “poor unfortunates” or “brave poor things”

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nursemyra was born with a dislocated hip, undetected until my second birthday. I had an operation and spent over a year encased in plaster, though I can recall none of it. what I do remember, however, was every december until I was 12, attending a christmas party hosted by “The Crippled Children’s Society”.

as the operation had been a success I showed no signs of being “a crip” and was torn between refusing to go and not wanting to miss out on the entertainment provided

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I used to love clowns when I was a little girl. not so much now but for some people that love never dies………..

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Published in: on March 24, 2008 at 8:08 am  Comments (27)  

interview with a carnie

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click to enlarge

nursemyra has been reading “Freaks: Myths and Images of the Secret Self” by Leslie Fiedler. according to the cover blurb it’s a ‘fascinating and sensitive exploration of human freakishness and what it means in our waking and subconscious lives’

it’s full of fabulously interesting stuff such as this excerpt from a 1972 interview with a transsexual carnie:

“you put a piece of kleenex around the penis, just back of the head and cinchknot with 3/4 inch elastic. bring all your equipment down between your legs and push your testicles up into the stomach then bring everything else as tight as you can up between the crack of your ass. tie the elastic again so there’s another knot at the base of your spine and the remaining elastic goes round your waist.

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you can show absolute nakedness except you have to wear a back panel. the gaff with the elastic makes the appearance of a vagina. the bag, which is now empty, brought forward, produces the lips of the vagina. I’ve had men kiss it and never know the difference.”

that last sentence makes you think twice doesn’t it? according to Fiedler’s research, such a device could be endured for no more than 20 minutes at a time.

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ok boys, time to uncross your legs now. you probably want to let it all hang loose for a while after reading that. so here’s a fashion idea that’s less constricting…..

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Published in: on March 23, 2008 at 8:17 am  Comments (28)  

friday: lust, caution

this week’s friday photographs are dedicated to my friend jahsonic. lust, caution is my favourite film so far for 2008. I don’t think he liked it quite as much as I do but he’s a discerning culture buff with a very interesting blog and I highly recommend a visit.

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Published in: on March 21, 2008 at 7:45 am  Comments (30)  
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