your little factory

Image by Van Maele

mormons advise their young men against masturbation

I give as my first illustration of this unwritten order of your little factory things so simple a thing as this: When you go to the bathroom, first, unzip your zipper, then pull out your little factory using your right hand, then release the waste product, shake your little factory no more than 5 times, to avoid stimulating it, but no less than three to ensure no droplets remain on the tip of your little factory. Next, stuff your little factory back in your pants, using your right hand. finally, zip up.

Another example: If you watch your father shower, you will see that he cleans his little factory last. There is a reason for this that we will get back to. You will also notice your father doesn’t spend a lot of time washing his little factory. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to clean off your little factory. There is no excuse for excessive cleaning.

here’s a story from 22 year old Hyrum Parkin about how it feels to finally release the little factory

“Luann went into the bathroom to change into ‘something more comfortable.’ She came out wearing high heals, thigh-high nylons, a black thong, and nothing else. Holy fudge, her breasts were immaculate! She spun around and I saw her tight buns with the g-string going up her crack. That was all it took. My little factory started humming, and all of my substance was released into my pants. Fortunately, my garments protected the rented tuxedo from getting stained. That saved me a huge cleaning fee. I bear my testimony that the holy garment offers protection to those who faithfully wear it. Anyway, it was the greatest experience of my life, and it didn’t even take very long. I changed into new garments, and luckily didn’t miss the beginning of ’24′.”

Brother Todd has this sage advice to offer those who are tempted to stray

If you are in bed and start thinking about your problem you MUST run into the kitchen and immediately start eating but do not eat anything that will remind you of your problem. Any type of sausage is a no-no. Tacos are acceptable only if you have been pneumatically sealed to your spouse in a temple ceremony.

free range chickens are so much tastier than those from the little factory farm

Published in: on August 27, 2008 at 8:12 am  Comments (25)  

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25 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That chick looks like a game bird ……..

  2. Damned capitalist Mormons! This is what Marx was on about: trying to keep the means of production out of the hands of the people.

  3. ‘There is no excuse for excessive cleaning.’

    Now theres a statement from a guy that doesnt know how to clean properly.

  4. That first picture is scary. That’s no little factory he’s holding there.

  5. would have never considered chicken as dessert, but that shot is definitely cheesecake…

  6. That’s quite and instrument…

  7. ‘my little factory’?! I’m astonished. Is it ‘my big ol’ factory’ later in life or something?

  8. I have a friend who, upon departing for a university, was given a “How to Protect Your Virginity” pamphlet published by our friends, the Catholics. I wonder why the Catholic Church is to terrified of sex?

  9. Geez, and we may have a Mormon vice presidential candidate. LOL

    There are two types of men in the world. Those who jerk off and those who lie about not jerking off. Mormons tend to fall into the latter category, I suspect.

    That chicken picture is SKEEEEEERY!

  10. With all this reading you do, Nursie, you must be a real expert on what a man needs.

  11. First pic reminds me of Narumi’s most unusual story part 2 but doubtless you know it already

    http://www.sweetkiss.net/~jargon/yuaoki/narumi/narumi01.html

    um…have just read the link and No I hadn’t seen that story before. do you think it’s sexy? a mouthful of drooling nipple hair doesn’t really do it for me……

  12. So what? Now I’m a factory worker?

  13. Seriously, they really refer to it as “your little factory?” (!) What a crock of bull. Masturbation is the only thing that is keeping me from killing my husband while he adjusts to a new medication which has a seriously fucked up side effect of making him impotent. I’m like, so exactly how serious is the problem of having urinate frequently, anyway, that it needs to be treated with medication?

  14. I tend to put in overtime at the little factory. This keeps me from having an unwanted production output ruining my tuxedo.

    We’re hiring at my factory, by the way…

  15. when are you going to open a branch over here renalfailure?

  16. Look, all I know is, the guy in the first picture is a damn lyre.

    hahaha… wish I’d thought of that

  17. I dated a Mormon boy once. It didn’t work out. Finally, I have some insight as to WHY it didn’t work. (Seems I didn’t have a pass-key to the factory…)

  18. Coming (no pun intended) from a man who soaps thrice over every shower, there simply is no excuse for not excessively cleaning-

    As for those underpants….where might this Rev. find a pair? I’m absolutely intrigued-

  19. Is it T-shirt Friday this week, Nursie? I’ll play if it is.

  20. yes it is silverstar

  21. I MUCH prefer the artisan work of invididual craftsman to factory produced stuff, quite frankly.

  22. that’s because you are a woman of impeccable taste Dolce

  23. I may post tomorrow(yikst!! today) a T-shirt too ;-)

  24. I’m amazed at all this stuff you find. The pictures! Where do you see so many wild and crazy things? I had so much sex on the brain that I assumed the picture of the eye you had somewhere (not in this post) was something else. I guess that picture was done that way on purpose. Well it worked on me. Now I feel like a total perv. So, thanks for that.

  25. you’re welcome. hope Mr Mudpuppy reaps the benefits


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