put a halter round your ass

acology is the study of medical remedies. nursemyra could probably devote an entire year to acology and still barely scratch the surface of such an enormous all-encompassing topic. let’s start with animal cures….

To cure mumps take the halter of an ass and put it around the patient. lead the patient around a pigsty three times. to cure whooping cough pass the patient over and under an ass nine times. Sit backwards on an ass to cure toothache

artwork by Harukawa Namio

For sore eyes, mix crushed bedbugs with salt and human milk, rub your eyes with this twice a day

To cure arthritis take a dead cat into the woods to a hollow stump whch has spunk in it. Twirl the cat overhead and toss to the south. To cure baldness smear your head with fresh cow manure. Hit a stuttering person in the mouth with a chicken’s gizzard to cure a speech impediment.

To cure whooping cough, drink from the same bowl a ferret has drunk from. Warm pureed frog will cure impotence and spitting in a frog’s mouth will cure a sore throat

To rid yourself of an ingrown toenail, attach a lizard’s liver to a leather string and tie it round your left ankle.

Measles can be cured by eating a well roasted mouse

Cure a hangover with pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice

so what are you eating for dinner tonight?

Published in: on September 22, 2008 at 9:20 am  Comments (19)  

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19 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hmmm – sometime soon (in a few weeks, that is) I’ll be posting another measles cure. I thought of you as I pressed the pre-publish button :)

  2. screw dinner, i wanna go for a swing!

    oh, and “Baa” means “No”…

  3. so what are you eating for dinner tonight?

    are you busy? on the menu?

  4. How are you supposed to ascertain whether or not a hollow stump has spunk in it? I shudder to think. I think I would rather learn to live with arthritis.

  5. i’ve heard of thet pickled sheep’s eye before. apparently, it works. my own opinion is i would surely puke my insides out, removing any and all impurities from my system (including the sheep’s eye). i’m sure i would be sick afterwards, however, the cure being worse than the hangover.
    and every time i see that poor one eyes sheep, i’m sure i would cry over my complicity and guilt.
    baaaa.

  6. Perhaps the cure is worse than the disease? Spunk is the hillbilly term for dry rot. Spunkwater is the rainwater that accumulates in a hollow log that has dry rot.

    aha! now it makes more sense…. what am I saying?

  7. I’m sticking to toast and marmalade now ……. followed by a frog smoothie

  8. So… that’s what why there’s all those dead cats around my spunk stump. That is my special place and I don’t appreciate all you arthritic people showing up and befouling like that. You find your own stump to wank off in and throw dead cats around!

  9. renalfailure: you just win comment of the day.

  10. I think I would rather stop drinking …. OMG what am I saying ????? :-)

  11. pour yourself another glass of wine and stop thinking

  12. What am I having for dinner? None of that stuff, thank ewe.

  13. I’d never thought I’d be volunteering to be a piece of playground equipment but god dammit I think I just might now.

    And to think I’ve been throwing my cats to the north, sorry Renal…

  14. silverstar: “ewe”… haha

    Alex: isn’t his north your south?

  15. I was wondering why some one was screaming ‘Where did that fecking cat come from’

  16. does renalfailure scream? perhaps it was ninja vicki.

  17. “pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice”?
    Gotta try that sometime for my morning wafflehead.
    Hmmm . . . I couldn’t get the sheep’s red stiletto heels out of my mind.
    Did Pink Floyd ever use that picture as cover art?
    Dark Side of the Moon?
    Damn, they should have.
    ~m

  18. If I start losing my hair I’ll stick with Rogaine. LOL!

    And who would want to puree the poor little frog? That’s mean.

  19. how about ditching the rogaine and shaving the remainder? I love shaved heads.

    though I don’t think you’ll be losing your hair anytime soon ricardo


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