here is the first t shirt friday for 2009, appropriately enough – it’s a nurse. I’ve teamed it with a skirt I bought in rome in 2001. the zippered sides come in very handy now that both the skirt and nursemyra are 8 years older. Is anyone else doing t shirt Friday today?
lucky last…. sledpress
There are three pianos at the Gimcrack because we’re host to a refined bunch of patients and we like to keep them occupied. Recently we had them all tuned by a wildly eccentric man nursemyra discovered in the classifieds. His almost incomprehensible accent meant that every time he said the word “pianist” it sounded exactly like “penis” so the DT and I engaged him in a prolonged conversation geared to making him repeat that word as often as possible.
Rather like when we ask one of our Asian nurses if someone has been throwing up just so we can hear her say “he’s been womiting all day” or discuss brain injuries with her in the hope that she’ll talk about someone who has “become a wegetable“. This is the same nurse who asks grown men “have you been peepee yet?”
But back to the penis pianist. After telling us Frederic Chopin was his favourite composer, nursemyra was prompted to investigate old Fred further and it turns out George Sand was not his only amour. He also had a fling with Countess Delfina Potocka, who possessed a notoriously hospitable vulva according to biographer Jeremy Siepmann.
In an unsubstantiated letter attributed to Fred he wrote “I would like again to plop something down your little hole in D flat major”
not exactly my idea of erotica. but here’s someone I do find erotic
nursemyra would like to see Harvey Keitel in a recreation of the nude scene from The Piano. It doesn’t matter what key he plays it in but I’ll entertain him in my not-so-notorious but still hospitable vulva anytime…..
it’s been quite a while since I posted an “incident and accident” report (here and here) so this is actually a collection of the craziest of the last few. The Gimcrack is Hospital 1, the other two are our sister institutions.
Hospital 1: Whilst giving daily injection, tight skirt band sprung up and knocked needle into thumb.
Hospital 2: Agressive resident grabbed staffs member
Hospital 3: Overuse syndrome right thumb
Hospital 2: Bitten by possum whilst pushing food cart to kitchen
Hospital 3: Nurse tripped and fell in pursuit of escaping patient
Hospital 3: Ankles rolled while hanging out washing, hurt knees
Hospital 1: Whilst pushing wheelchair, chair went in one direction, patient went in another
Hospital 3: Felt tug in groin when lifting box of bananas
bitten by a possum while working in a hospital? only in Australia……
nursemyra likes doing crosswords and playing mah jongg. relatively tame hobbies compared to Harry Simon’s penchant for making his own X-ray machines.
Fortunately for us, Harry has listed a couple of dos and don’ts for those who are tempted to try this experiment at home (don’t tell me you’re not interested, reverend tethercow.com)
Whenever the machine is in operation, the experimenter must wear a lead apron and stand well behind the orifice through which the rays are emitted. Never turn your back on the machine so that you are between it and the apron! It is also advisable to place a few exploratory samples of film around the room while the apparatus is in operation. When developed, these will show the pattern of radiation and protective lead shielding can be installed accordingly. Finally, resist the temptation to make X-ray examinations of the bones in your hands or other body parts. A frozen fish makes a much safer test object.
A Victorian Passage is a delightfully instructional blog. Now that we have a kitchen in our recently remodelled dementia ward, the DT has been busy stocking it with appropriate tools. Because nothing keeps dotty old dames busy like whipping up something in the kitchen.
artwork by Gene Bilbrew
In an extract from The Lady’s New Receipt Book we are told how to beat eggs. “Persons who do not know the right way, complain much of the fatigue of beating eggs, and therefore leave off too soon. There will be no fatigue, if they are beaten with the proper stroke, and with wooden rods. Move only your hand at the wrist, and let the stroke be quick, short, and horizontal.
Then came a rush of patent egg-beaters, and a rush of purchasers as well, whose aching wrists and shoulders pleaded for relief from long hours of incessant ” beating,” ” whipping,” and ” frothing.”
There were wire spoons with wooden handles that broke off, and tin handles that turned the perspiring hand black; wire whirligigs that ran up and down upon a central shaft and spattered the eggs over the face and bust of the operator.
Then, our enterprising merchant overwhelmed us with a double compound back (and forward) action machine that was “warranted to whip up a stiff ‘ meringue in a minute and a half.’”
With it I make the formidable ” snow-custard ” in less than half an hour, with no after tremulousness of nerve or tendon.
sometimes one of our patients decides enough is enough and an escape attempt is made. their freedom usually only lasts a few hours, old ladies wearing tea cosies and night dresses tend to attract attention and an escorted ride home.
yesaterday the handyman witnessed a different kind of escapee when he looked out a 6th floor window and saw a rat fly past. It was very d.e.a.d. when located just below the smoker’s balcony ten minutes later.
I mean, really, the food’s not THAT bad here.
But it did make me wonder – what could make a rat suicidal?
or perhaps he was escaping an Australian Golden Orb Weaver
we have some very dangerous creatures here in the land of Oz.
Lola Montez knew about Australian spiders. when she performed her famous Spider Dance here in 1856 the Sydney Morning Herald said it was ‘the most libertinish and indelicate performance that could be given on the public stage’. In Melbourne the season was hurriedly terminated when the possibility of a court case loomed.
image of 1958 musical Lola Montez found here
I made the mistake of “getting in the mood” too early for corset friday. the gimcrack is air conditioned so even though sydney is sweltering through a heatwave this week, I still thought I’d be cool enough while wearing a corset under a loose cotton top. Wrong.
couldn’t wait to get home and remove it – the boning was digging into me all day and I’m covered in marks and indentations. so now I’m sitting in front of a fan in a pale green babydoll with orange gingham trim with a long tall iced water. It’s too hot to even drink red wine. Remind me I said this when I’m complaining about the cold next winter…..
you guys think you know what a dildo is, right? so did I until I read Legal Habits and discovered it was also the name of the sausage shaped corkscrew curl that formed a tail at the end of a Bob wig. A Campaign wig sported two dildoes, one on each side.
In the 1950s, wigs and elaborate hairstyles were used to disguise hearing aids
as this fabulous booklet reveals, there were many methods of concealing such devices. this woman looks like she’s wired up for an FBI sting
I recommend clicking the link, there is an entire catalogue of fascinating items such as tie clips, insignias, emblems, watches, fountain pens, barrettes, hats and scarves that were used to glamourise the world of hearing assistance.
even you know who would have been impressed…..
The debate about circumcision still rages though the tide is turning and fewer baby boys are now being “snipped”. The following extract from an article by Fleiss and Hodges is one of the most informative I’ve read. I’d be interested to hear what gimcrack readers think of it
The foreskin is more than just skin; it is a complex, highly mobile, and beautifully engineered organ composed of an intricate web of blood vessels, muscle, and nerves. In fact, the foreskin contains about 240 feet of nerve fibers and tens of thousands of specialized erotogenic nerve endings of various types.
The akroposthion is the name that the ancient Greeks gave to the tubular, tapered “neck” of the foreskin that extends beyond the glans.
If the average adult foreskin were unfolded and laid flat and unstretched, it would be approximately the size of a 3 x 5 index card. Moderately stretched, it would entirely cover a man’s forehead or the back of his hand and fingers.
just behind the lips of the foreskin is the ridged mucosa. the movement of the akroposthion during erection and sexual play cause the pleats of the ridged mucosa to expand and contract like the bellows of an accordion
I’ve never thought “accordion” and “penis” at the same time before…..
the phrase “being on a good footing with them” usually describes a pleasant relationship. according to some, it was derived from an early apprenticeship practice. After the end of a first day at work an apprentice invited new colleagues out for drinks and “footed the bill” and thus gained a “good footing”
a second derivation links the phrase with a bizarre interpretation of human anatomy – the importance given to the length of your digits. At one time, the dimension of the middle toes determined a person’s “standing” in the community. thus the measurement of their foot decided their status in the eyes of others. Those with large feet were lucky to be on a “good footing”.
What your toes Know tells you more
LARGE, ROUND BIG TOE If you’re big toe is somewhat bulbous you’re bound to do something to wow the world
LONGER, NARROW BIG TOE You’re likely to gravitate toward more technical pursuits.
SMALLER, SQUAT BIG TOE You have the tendency to be very focused and a little cautious.
VERY STRAIGHT, WELL-GROUNDED BIG TOE Confidence is your key to success, sister, so stay on track by keeping that self-esteem in check.
toes from Gore Galore
CROOKED BIG TOE Could it be you’ve settled for less? Be true to you.
A BIG TOE THAT POINTS UPWARD A real die-hard dreamer has a toe that doesn’t come in contact with the ground at all.
A BIG TOE THAT POINTS DOWN You have untapped energy and talent.
shoe by vivienne westwood
Podiatry is a popular profession at the gimcrack. we have several who visit our patients regularly because lord knows most old people have ghastly feet. I can think of more exciting jobs but I’d rather cut toenails than clean up vomit so it’s worth considering……
