gibble fisted

there are several theories as to why most of us are right handed, some are left handed and others are mixed handed which is not the same as being ambidextrous. I thought I was a definite right hander until I took the Edinburgh Handedness Test and noticed I’m left handed when it comes to opening boxes and lids.

and then I remembered something else. when it comes to playing with a penis I am ambidextrous with a slight preference for using my left hand.

New Scientist published a study indicating that lefties are more inhibited.  They also like to colour code things and write lists. I wonder if Rassles is a lefty…..

Neuropsychologist Chris McManus has been researching handedness for decades. He is one of the few scientists to achieve the rather bizarre accomplishment of receiving an Aventis Prize for Science Books and the infamous Ig Noble Prize from Harvard University, both in the same year. the Ig Noble was for a paper about the asymmetry of testicles.

“In most men the right testicle is higher (62.1% or 65.1% according to which survey one cites) and larger than the left, but few are aware that the average weights are 9.95g and 9.36g respectively and 9.69 and 9.10ccs in volume.”

Centuries ago it was believed that male seed came from the right testis and female from the left.

 Long after it was influencing how Greek sculptors saw the male body, men were being given extremely uncomfortable-sounding advice on conception. “As late as 1891, Mrs Ida Ellis in her Essentials of Conception  stated: ‘It is the male who can progenate a male or a female child at will, by putting an elastic band round the testicle not required’.”

disco t shirt friday

T shirt Friday seemed to come around very quickly this month. Is anyone else playing along?

  

and here are the players…..

Cheek of God

sledpress

70s teen

daisyfae

renalfailure

how to cure your brain fag

nursemyra has been investigating orificial surgery i.e. surgery to enlarge the anus – which was popular in the 19th century. It was believed that pressure from within the rectum interfered with the devlopment of adolescents.

“No matter what a person was suffering from, if he or she went to an orificial physician , the diagnosis was always the same: tight sphincters requiring dilation.

the distinctly kinky obsession with the rectum (loosening those tight anal sphincters) does not seem all that way out when it is remembered that Abraham Wolbarst was the proud inventor of a kind of electric dildo, to be inserted into the anus with a view to massaging the prostate.”

so let’s have a look at these one of these nasal/vaginal/ penile/ anal probes, the Master Violet Ray

“All Orificial electrodes must be lubricated before insertion.  For the sake of safety there should be two people in Orificial work, the patient and the operator.  The current should be turned on after inserting the electrode into the orifice and turned off before removing the electrode.  Orificial treatments are never painful.  The electrode should be moved slightly to avoid sticking to mucous membrane.” 

If you scroll down to near the bottom of the linked page you can see the many ailments a Master Violet Ray could cure such as brain fag, constipation, dandruff, freckles, anal fissures, gleets, grey hair, impotence, orchitis, parotitis and writer’s cramp.

Testicle cookbook found here

breasts and sodatic zones

According to the research of science writer John Grant, it is illegal to seduce the wet nurse of an heir to the British throne. This is because it was believed that you might taint the royal blood with your plebian characteristics, which would then be transmitted in the milk to the infant.

Sir Richard Burton (1821-1890) believed there was a belt encircling the world which he called the Sotadic Zone. Within this zone could be found concentrations of homosexuals. I am loathe to pass this information on to my gay son as Sydney, Australia, despite often being called the gay capital of the world,  is firmly outside the belt. Perhaps I was astral travelling during his conception.

“In our modern capitals, London, Berlin and Paris for instance, the Vice seems subject to periodical outbreaks and it would be invidious to detail the scandals which of late years have startled the public in London and Dublin.”

I wonder if Ireland’s Naughty Tom* (definitely NSFW nor for the faint hearted - you have been warned) or Germany’s sweetheart,  Headbang8 were influenced by Sir Richard’s theory…..

* this is about the cleanest photo of naughty tom I could find. Unless  you’re into hard core gay material I wouldn’t recommend rooting around too much on his site

the lighter side of lunacy

Full Moon Hemp image found here

Christiaan Huygens (1629-1695) believed that Jupiter was the hemp capital of the universe….

“Our moon’s function, Huygens reasoned, was to aid mariners in navigation. If jupiter has four moons, there must be many mariners on that planet. Mariners imply boats, boats imply sails, sails imply ropes and ropes imply hemp.”

Quite the leap of faith wasn’t it? Hemp can be used for many other things besides making rope. How about these sneakers?

Hospital emergency room staff often say they see more accidents when there is a full moon. About 18 months ago, the Sydney Morning Herald reported on a study in Colorado which found significantly higher incidents involving animals at this time of the month also. 

“But at least some of the increase in veterinary patient admissions attributed to a full moon is quite possibly due to the influence of the moon on the owner, rather than on the pet.

“We also see more eccentric [pet] owners when there’s a full moon,” Allison says. “It might be someone who counts the biscuits that their cat eats every day and has come in because the cat has eaten two less.”

Dark side of the Moon cartoon found here

do you measure up?

we’re into data collecting at the gimcrack. every month the patients get weighed to see if they eating enough of our delicious gruel or, in the case of the bariatrics,  if they’re supplementing their lettuce, carrot and celery three course degustation diet with forbidden treats.

we also photograph the inmates to make sure we’re drugging dispensing the right meds to the right people by the right route. no one wants ear drops in their eyes or voltaren gel on their toothbrush do they?

Alphonse Bertillon (1853-1914) liked to measure things too. His system was the one most widely used to identify criminals before Sir Francis Galton and Henry Faulds developed fingerprinting.

“Bertillon calculated that, if 14 different measurements of body parts were taken, the odds of finding two people with identical measurements were 286,435,456 to one.”

If you’re interested in the correct way to measure a person’s height, this is how to do it.

“The individual must stand straight against an upright surface, touching it with heels, buttocks, and back. The heels should be together and on the floor. The head must be oriented so that the upper border of the ear opening and the lower border of the eye socket are on a horizontal line (the Frankfort plane). The individual must take in and hold a deep breath while height is measured to the nearest millimetre.”

and if you want to measure something else go here

raise hat and withdraw at once

be thankful you weren’t around in 1898. the rules for etiquette were very stringent with no margin for error.

  

“A gentleman driving a phaeton in the park with a lady by his side must acknowledge all salutes by raising his hat without endangering himself or anyone nearby. The Prince of Wales, when driving a coach, can take the cigar from his lips, use his whip hand to raise his hat, while still retaining admirable control of the reins with his left.”

 image of Channing Tatum found here

“Should a man be so fortunate as to provide a service to a lady in the street, such as picking up a dropped parcel or parasol, after doing so he must raise his hat and withdraw at once“

In later years it was permissable for a woman to leave her hat on indoors or during the playing of The National Anthem, unless her hat is considered a unisex one like a baseball cap. When wearing such a unisex cap, a woman should follow the same guidelines as for men.

image found here

pink latex friday 20.2.2009

  

a blog I visit quite often featured some zipper jewellery recently, but I can’t remember whose it was. I left a comment saying I’d try to incorporate some zipper earrings in the next Friday corset shot so here they are with a pink and black latex brassiere

PS: the zipper jewellery is here. I found it via tackyracoons

confined and stimulated

A while back my mother sent me a copy of  Cowgirls, Cockroaches and Celebrity Lingerie which is about unusual museums. Reading about museums that specialise in funeral history made me think about curious coffins and rituals pertaining to death.

if you like the feeling of being enveloped, then perhaps the cocoon is for you. It has “noble lining and is a real unicum” I don’t know what that means but it sounds cosy doesn’t it?

Most people don’t want to think about their own death, or the death of someone they love. Ease yourself into this delicate subject by contemplating a final resting place for the next spider you clout with a hammer. Perhaps your conscience would be eased if you give him a decent burial?

we’ve talked about the fear of being buried alive before on the gimcrack but not with as much detail as this article from Snopes

“In 1995 a $5000.00 Italian casket equipped with call-for-help ability and survival kit went on sale. akin to the beeping devices which alert others to the plight of an elderly person who has fallen and can’t get up, this casket is equipped with a beeper which will sound a similar emergency signal. The coffins are also fitted with a two way microphone/speaker to enable communication between the occupant and someone outside, and a kit which includes a torch, an oxygen tank and a heart stimulator.”

I don’t have an image of that state of the art receptacle but instead here’s one of my favourite works by Rene Magritte (found here)

piss in a stetson

elderly bladders are prone to urinary tract infections. what may come as a surprise to my younger non-medical readers is the mental effect they can have. Patients with UTIs exhibit very strange behaviours as they quickly succumb to delirium.

Last week one  of our old churchgoing spinsters took to wandering the corridors at night looking for masculine company. She jumped into the bed of Dr Do-Able who is also quite gaga now though he does get the odd reflex boner at shower time so goodness knows if she lost her cherry. Neither of them can remember a thing. 

The ward nurse got Beryl to piss in a toilet hat (you place it under the seat and it catches everything and they’re usually none the wiser. Try getting a cranky old biddy who thinks you’re poisoning her food to let you anywhere near her precious fluids and you’ll see why we love the toilet hat), and turns out she’s got some new strain that’s antibiotic resistant so it’s off to the big hospital up the road for Beryl.

Anyway, all this talk of liquid substances reminded me of something I read about recently called Hado, a weird belief that water “listens” to the things you say to it and forms patterns accordingly. Here is water that has been told “you make me sick I will kill you”

there are ‘before’ and ‘after’ images of damaged water on this other  Hado site.  I prefer looking at perpetualocean’s crystalline snowflake images (you can read about how he creates them here). At least I don’t have to sweet talk them into behaving well…..