how to cure your brain fag

constipation1

nursemyra has been investigating orificial surgery i.e. surgery to enlarge the anus – which was popular in the 19th century. It was believed that pressure from within the rectum interfered with the devlopment of adolescents.

“No matter what a person was suffering from, if he or she went to an orificial physician , the diagnosis was always the same: tight sphincters requiring dilation.

the distinctly kinky obsession with the rectum (loosening those tight anal sphincters) does not seem all that way out when it is remembered that Abraham Wolbarst was the proud inventor of a kind of electric dildo, to be inserted into the anus with a view to massaging the prostate.”

barb

so let’s have a look at these one of these nasal/vaginal/ penile/ anal probes, the Master Violet Ray

“All Orificial electrodes must be lubricated before insertion.  For the sake of safety there should be two people in Orificial work, the patient and the operator.  The current should be turned on after inserting the electrode into the orifice and turned off before removing the electrode.  Orificial treatments are never painful.  The electrode should be moved slightly to avoid sticking to mucous membrane.” 

master-violet-ray

If you scroll down to near the bottom of the linked page you can see the many ailments a Master Violet Ray could cure such as brain fag, constipation, dandruff, freckles, anal fissures, gleets, grey hair, impotence, orchitis, parotitis and writer’s cramp.

the-testicle-cookbook-cooking-with-balls

Testicle cookbook found here


Published in: on February 26, 2009 at 6:52 am  Comments (34)  

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  1. Grey hair could be cured with a good anal stretch?

    “…could cure such as brain fag…”

    I couldn’t believe this wasn’t a typo… and yet there’s a whole Wiki page dedicated to “brain fag.” The nineteenth century would’ve been a bizarre and intensely interesting time to be a patient.

  2. Ouch and yetch. Could you just imagine the indignity of it all.

  3. Yeah I’m with Gabriel, I’m so in love with modern medicine after reading this.

  4. Ain’t nobody gonna interfere with my gleets!

  5. Seriously Archie – even Buff ain’t gonna go near them

  6. Why, oh Why do I come here first thing in the morning . . . ?! I’ll not walk right the rest of the day now. Thanks . . .

  7. oh you should definitely at least line your stomach with some breakfast first….

  8. Writer’s cramp? Only if you were trying to work it out with a pencil.

  9. But walking nto a doctor’s office with dandruff and leavng after a prostate massage is a common scene in gay porn. But you already knew that, nursemyra.

  10. gosh, so all that playing around with electric anal probes for recreation has unexpected health benefits? shocking!

  11. I’m quite impressed. Not only is it a medical miracle, but it also helps with self-esteem and can reverse the signs of aging…

    “If Nature has not endowed you with the charms that you desire, or if work and worry have left their lines in your face and figure, you can erase them with the Master Violet Ray”

    I’d like three. One in each colour.

  12. Needless to say I wouldn’t waste all that money on gadgets to stick up my bum when there are plenty of cheaper things, the wife’s toothbrush for example.

  13. Actually, I kind of want one of these things. I’ll pass on the urethral probes, but the ozone generator and the facilitated segment theory still have traction in complementary medicine.

  14. Years ago, a friend of mine had a violet ray device in perfect working condition that he’d found in a junk shop. It didn’t have any instructions, so we could only surmise how the different attachments were supposed to be used. When the machine hummed very softly when it was turned on, and the attached “electrode”, emitting a violet glow, made a crackling noise and produced a strong tingling sensation when brought in contact with the body. I must say, it was one of the most gorgeous pieces of early electrical/medical technology that I’ve ever seen.

    The list of uses for all of the various attachments is fantastic, but the picture and description of the urethral electrode are bloodcurdling. The thought of jamming a high-voltage gas-discharge glass tube up my ass is bad enough, but sticking something like that (actually, anything) up my urethra: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

  15. Good night

  16. Where do you find this stuff? On second thought, I don’t want to know… I always leave here with my mouth slightly agape–knowing this country girl just got a bit more worldly.

  17. It cures dandruff, grey hair and constipation? That probably explains why my boss has been walking funny.

  18. “nursemyra has been investigating orificial surgery i.e. surgery to enlarge the anus…”

    um. why?

    knowledge is power my friend

  19. The violet ray sounds a lot like an early version of the TINGE unit, which is supposed to help people with chronic pain. I’m not even going to think about orificial surgery — sounds about as trendy and helpful as the frontal lobotomy was.

  20. Why do my eyes water so often over here? ……… oh dear

  21. Not many conversations start with, “So, I’m looking up ways to enlarge my anus, when all of a sudden…”

  22. Gleets! Al Swearengen could really have used that Master Violet Ray.

    I knew that would be your first thought! It was mine too

  23. my recent fall on my rump has left bruises, however they still withstood the pain of clenching tightly shut after reading this most fascinating article. Ok I also feel xoggoth’s wife–that’s just wrong on so many levels. =)~

  24. Cures writer’s cramp, eh? What about the far more serious wanker’s cramp? I am enquiring for a friend, you understand.

    Also, it is with great sadness I note I have been removed from your blogroll, my dear Nurse! I do hope I have done nothing to upset you. I can only apologise for my recent absence, but have now settled in to far plusher surroundings. Why not dtop in and add some of your antipodean glamour to proceedings? :)

    I promise not to be a stranger. Or at least, any stranger.

  25. Lord Likely – delighted to see you back in top form, we were all rather worried.

    I don’t have a blogroll, only an EVER CHANGING “daily reads” of 25 blogs. You’ve been on it before and you’ll probably be on it again. Being on that list guarantees a visit every day so it’s for bloggers who update frequently. I can only manage 25 guarantees but I visit as many others as I can and yours will always be one of those xxx

  26. I just hope I can get a nice blood letting at the same time during my next appointment…

  27. Could’ve gone all day without the idea of cooking testicles… (sigh)

    No meatballs in my spaghetti tonight, I suppose. ;)

  28. It’s just that sort of day where you’re either cooking with balls or putting things up your butt. Insertion Thursdays!

  29. Oh! My apologies my dear Nurse, I feel terribly ashamed.

    I shall duly hang my head in shame, and offer my buttocks for a severe thrashing. It is all the punishment I deserve!

  30. If it will give me back my dirty blond shoulder-lenght hair.. I am already bending over.

  31. Lord Likely: Ok, bring your buttocks over here then, I’ll be glad to conduct a pre-thrashing inspection

    KevinJohn: Do you have a shaved head now? shaved heads are cool

  32. A doctor gets paid to make your asshole bigger? As some might say, “that’s the shit right there!”

  33. *gag*

  34. Make someone a bigger asshole? I find most folks are quite big enough, thank you. But they were always sticking something up there in the 19th century.


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