give birth to a kidney

Back in the 1980s a Chinese newspaper reported the case of Yan Zhongshan, who had discovered an amazing tonic made from ants.

chinese-dentist-wearing-teeth

“Yan Zhongshan elderly, 40 years ago began to catch the ants, through several years of practice, to explore a set of collection, processing method. Since then, the daily processing of himself eating ants 2 ~ 3 pills, insist 40 years. When 64 years old had the youngest son, after 73 years old grow new teeth, when 87 years old once again grow new teeth, 97 years old ears are not deaf, eyes are not flowers, clear-minded, energetic.”

pink-eye

(I think this has been run through babelfish, but you get the gist don’t you?)

“English explorer of the Amazon River in Brazil forest, found one of the most old people. The women called Turba patch, documents to prove that she has been 231 years old, the locals a great admirer of hers. Turba eat what a panacea, can live more than two centuries? medical experts study found that the elderly has always been the prehistoric diet: eat peanut shell, apple core, cacti and so on, the only animal food to eat is ants.”

cacti

cacti (1868) elizabeth twining

Already I’m excited about the money we’ll save at the Gimcrack by serving peanut shells, apple cores, cacti and ants three times a day. Though the idea of CK or Duc living to be 231 is worrying.

“Homeland medicine, for the birth of the kidney, and human growth, aging is closely related. Kidney deficiency caused by aging, ants are a mild tonic medicine. Consider a number of Materia Medica, ants salty, sour, temperature, impotence, enhance sexual function. The elderly still have some ability to bear children and the elderly white-haired eat ants, and ants are the kidney has a direct bearing on the gong.”

simofusa

So it would appear the underrated ant can enhance sexual function and assist the elderly white haired to give birth to new kidneys. or children. or maybe even gongs. Some ants are so evolved they can even clone themselves. 

chinese-children

“Scientists believe colonies of the leafcutter species are all female and thrive without sexNative to Central and South America, the insects reproduce only when the queens clone themselves. No male leafcutters have ever been found and, she said, “even if a male were theoretically to appear, we’re not sure they could mate any more“.

image-by-cathy-wilcox

image by Cathy Wilcox

Maybe they need to take up cannibalism………………………………….

Published in: on April 28, 2009 at 8:35 am  Comments (31)  

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31 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Is that a star wars character kneeling at the table or a giant.. errm… anteater?

  2. I think it’s a gong ;-)

    • I thought it was a man in a penis suit… maybe that just says something about me though.

      ‘Though the idea of CK or Duc living to be 231 is worrying.’

      Don’t tell me you wouldn’t love it.

      • hopefully I wouldn’t be around to see it

  3. I must remember to eat ants instead of spraying them into oblivion from now on. I suspect they can scuttle away faster than I would be able to chomp on them though. Maybe thats why cats lick the floor?

    • wonder how they’d taste sprinkled on ice cream?

  4. If I don’t wind up stepping on all of ‘em, maybe I’ll try a few salt ‘n’ vinegar ant chips.

    They better be good, too!

  5. hmmm… does eating ants also make you industrious and able to carry 10 times your own weight? there’s military funding available for research. super soldier!

  6. how come foods that are good for me are never all that appetizing?…I’m waiting for the day when bbq is proclaimed a cure-all!

    • you’ll be waiting for a good few years then mister anchovy

  7. uhhhhhhhh…….. nope, sorry, I got nothing . . .

    • Right there with you on this one…hmmm. I am too confused to comment

  8. Ants, schmants! Can we get a medical opinion on the swine flu, please?

  9. Ants, schmants! Can we get a medical post on the swine flu, please? You’re my trusted source.

    • if I’m your trusted source then you’re in big trouble……

  10. Strangely enough, scientists have also never found a male gong.

    Not anywhere.

    I know what you’re thinking, “Tom, what about cymbals?”

    I’ll grant you that cymbals are predominantly male, mostly due to the intervention of Los Angeles hair rockers in the late 80′s but cymbals and gongs are still separate species, though related.

    The only gong noted in 80′s hair rock was the one used at the end of the live & symphonic version of Aerosmith’s Dream On which might not even count since the original was written in 1975.

  11. Eating ants and living to 200 doesn’t appeal much to me if I still have to pay taxes and health insurance.

  12. I’ll have cheese on my ants, but hold the cacti. They give me gas.

  13. Yeah, I can’t stop staring at that Tea Party.

    • you and me both Rassles

  14. I’d rather hang on to my kidneys. Now that the liver ain’t what it used to be…I need ‘em.

  15. eat more ants and then maybe you can produce a spare

  16. So do we all end up as leaf-cutter ants?

    I mean, when I’m 90, I’ll theoretically appear, but am quite sure I won’t be able to mate anymore.

  17. you never know. there’s a few 90 year olds at the gimcrack that are still up for it

  18. That tea party picture looks like the cover of a kid’s book. I expect the title to be “Hello, Penis Bot 5000? It’s Me, Margaret.”

  19. I can see some angry women making the that particular ant their mascot.

  20. I’m very interested about the ‘new teeth’ – for a friend …… obviously

  21. I bet an ant tonic tastes disgusting.

  22. I rather imagine it to be spicy. and maybe somewhat grainy.

  23. I know what I’m having for supper…

    can you come over later?

  24. not if you’re preparing ants…


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