do you dribble or stream?

Yesterday we looked at the meaning of mushka shapes and the colouring of a man’s lingara according to Body Reading by Ohja & Ohja. Today we’re talking urine and semen

spouting

“If your urine stream makes a sound when it falls to earth it means you will have a comfortable life. No sound means you will be poor. Two or more streams to the right indicate a person of exalted position. One stream to the left indicates that you will be unfortunate. If your urine dribbles in all directions this means poverty.

toilet_seat_2

Semen has many different smells, some attractive and others not so pleasant.

chriws domino's gas mask

image of gas mask by Chris Domino found here

fish = rich, having many sons

clarified butter = very learned

butter-stick

wine = performs religious sacrifices

lotus = will be king

shellac = poor father of many daughters

honey = rich and endearing to ladies

putin_and_children

soda = poverty

meat = a thief who knows how to enjoy life

kearney

fragrant = riches and splendour

obnoxious odour = poverty

marrow = addicted to vice

fat = misery

ecoboatpa1_800x5292

read about the boat powered by human fat here

Before we close the book, “Body Reading” has a final piece of advice for men considering matrimony….

“One should marry a woman whose gait is like that of  a swan or an elephant, whose glance is like that of an intoxicated pigeon and voice like that of a cuckoo. But do not under any circumstances, marry a woman with three breasts!”

three breasted


Published in: on August 27, 2009 at 8:22 am  Comments (39)  

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  1. The semen I taste normally smells like beer and hookers

  2. Guess it must be lotus for me.

    Triple the photoshop work in that last pic eh?

    The King

    • I’ll need Pil to verify that. Perhaps she can bring me a sample in a jar.

      • Well I guess home delivery is out of the question…

        The King

      • Well…. since you’re already taken. You could send one of the Finn brothers over instead.

  3. Voice like a cuckoo… yeah, I can’t over state enough, the importance of a lady having a nice voice, you know how much they like to talk, yak yak yak… oh shit… I’ll be quiet now.

    As for my scent… I’m not sure I want to find out.

  4. not sure about predicting the future, based on the smell of semen… but you can reveal a man’s past… as in, what did he have for dinner yesterday!

  5. They didn’t include a semen diagnosis for Clorox? Or am I the only one?

    • I LOVE the smell of Clorox

  6. Minty fresh.

  7. Just found this through Lynn. This is seriously sick, educational and funny as hell. Great to see someone having a go at this stuff.

    • Welcome to the Gimcrack Michael. Do you have a blog?

  8. Speechless, as I was yesterday when reading Part 1.

  9. I think I have sat on that toilet seat – - -

  10. The only thing that the taste of my semen can predict is that I’m about to be $15 to $25 poorer.

  11. Mine smells like puppies and chocolate chip cookies. The taste is fruity with a hint of oak. (So I’m told. Well,except for that one time I accidentally shot myself).

    • If you could isolate the chocolate chip cookie smell of your semen you would be a very rich man tannerleah. There would probably be statues of you in public squares all over the world too

  12. I’m sure this guide has similar descriptions for women. I can hardly wait.

  13. I think I need an analysis of both my semen and urine. I am addicted to vice but, I don’t believe it smells like marrow. But I don’t know if my wife would know the smell of marrow anyway. Huh.

  14. Going outside for a pee – I’ll take a notebook …….

  15. Mine smells like butterscotch and cumin-

    I am one of the men who
    sits down to pee
    I’m sure that there must be
    men who pee just like me
    though we hear all the time
    of the standers and splashers
    they’re erect when they let loose
    with thunderous crashers
    makings sounds not unlike
    liquid artillery
    I’m not jealous at all
    I like to sit when I pee

    I am one of the men who
    sits down to pee
    other men get in trouble
    when they leave the seat up
    women find it a bother
    and get in a huff
    they make strong accusations
    it’s a real third-degree
    but I know I’m not guilty
    I sit down when I pee
    yes, I’m one of the men who
    sits down to pee

    there is nothing that’s better
    than peeing outdoors
    there’s no toilet to hit
    there’s no fixutures, no floors
    I love standing to let fly
    out in nature you see
    but not when I’m indoors
    then I sit down to pee
    yes, I’m one of the men who
    sits down to pee

    I hope you don’t think I’m bragging
    I’m just stating the facts
    that while peeing indoors
    I like to relax
    I’m sure the world would be cleaner
    there’d be more harmony
    if all of mankind
    would just sit down to pee
    yes if all of mankind
    would sit down to pee

    Mark Turf

    • I only know one other man who sits down to pee. I thought it was a gay thing…..

      • I know two men who sit down to pee. Neither of them are gay.

        Well, perhaps I know more, but only two who have owned up to it.

        *applause* for Mark’s ditty. :)

      • Yeah I probably need to run a survey…..

  16. How tall do you have to be to ride that ride in the first pic?

  17. I’m trying to figure out how to make my semen smell and taste like Bailey’s Irish Cream. And I’m damn well not doing the taste testing myself.

  18. blimey I am searching the memory taste buds to fit in the categories…. I know I have never had a soda (thankfully).. but I know I am looking for lotus ;-)

  19. Just what I want, a drunk pigeon for a wife. Forget centerfold beauty.

  20. Ovaltine and digestive biscuits? Probably just means you’re really damned old.

    • Or you’ve got the wrong end….sir!

  21. I remember learning, but have forgotten where or from whom, that a diet of pineapple juice (for the, er, giver) makes things fresh and sweet (for the, er, lucky recipient).

  22. Cinnamon.

  23. Nurse Myra, the things you get me to read :)

  24. A man whose urine goes in all directions? He gets an amazing, gorgeous, brilliant hillarious wife, who cleans the bathroom. I didn’t say it was right, I’m just saying he’s not necessarily destined for poverty. Plus, he’s one lucky bastard.

    • Yes he is! Do you want me to come over and remind him?
      ;-)

  25. weirdly educational yet always enjoyable reading..


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