a timely warning

I wonder how many of my male readers suffer from the same syndrome Sean Thomas succumbed to….

In 2001 I went online. A few months later, sitting idly at my laptop,  I decided to have a peek at all this porn that was supposed to be saturating the internet. I did this by googling the words ‘girls’ and ‘hardcore’. Somewhat to my surprise I found the images pretty titillating, and so I kept looking.

Soon, whenever I had a spare few minutes – or, better still, half an hour – I would start hungrily checking out net porn. One day I was surfing as usual when I happened across a site that contained spanking images. Intrigued, I logged on to it. To my surprise, I had an intense sexual reaction to them. What was going on? I had not the slightest idea that I was that into spanking.

image

This was the moment that the real addiction set in. My interest in spanking got me speculating: what other kinks was I harbouring? Plenty, as it turned out. Over the following months I discovered that I had a serious penchant for inter alia, lesbian gynaecology, interracial hardcore, and images of Japanese girls taking off their hotpants. I was also into netball players with no knickers, and drunk Russian girls exposing themselves, and convoluted scenarios where submissive Danish actresses were intimately shaved by their dominant female partners in the shower.

image

Try as I might to control myself, over the next few weeks I found that I was regularly spending five hours a day on my laptop – usually in the early hours when everyone else was in bed. This meant that I was getting about three hours’ sleep.

The crisis point came just before last Christmas. I was missing so much sleep by staying up so late that my health started to suffer. One day I caught tonsillitis, which, because I was so run down, turned into a quinsy (a nasty suppurative form). Eventually, I went to the doctor, who sent me straight to A&E. As I lay in the ward recuperating a few days later, the bitter truth sank in. This is it, Sean, I thought. You’ve really done it this time. You’ve actually wanked yourself into hospital.

So my question is this. Do you think the easy access to internet porn makes it more difficult to be satisfied with actual sex with a long term partner? Do you wish your partner would do some of the more way out things you find titillating in pornography? If you’re currently single do you find the internet a preferable sexual outlet to the hassle of finding a woman who thinks you’re attractive enough to sleep with – knowing that you’re going to have to consider her orgasm as well as your own? Modern day conundrums…..


Published in: on August 30, 2010 at 8:23 am  Comments (61)  
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61 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Well, boys, like the scoutmaster warned…this is what comes of spending too much time on (in?) your laptop.

    • In? that would result in sticky keys….

  2. Hmm I think sex is like cricket in at least one respect. Great to play but it has little appeal as a spectator sport

    • What is this cricket of which you speak?

  3. Festishes for lesbian antics are great, but it’d be difficult for a man to participate. It’s a case of bi or bi-curious women only, fortunately not so rare these days. A deeper reading of the straight man’s urge to les it up is wish fulfilment for being submissive through being ignored and relegated to spectator rather than participant. In short – men who dig leso action are having their laziness indulged.

    Some interesting modern conundra: a post on fetish antics is always welcOME.

    • (The cat just stepped on the CAPS lock. Clearly my computer needs a “cat’s lock”!

      • pawsense.com

    • Really? I’d not thought of it that way. Interesting perspective.

    • Isn’t that a bit like cuckolding?

  4. Vintage porn so much more wholesome…?

  5. If it weren’t for the easy access to internet porn my life would be completely devoid of any sex whatsoever. So thank heavens for it, I say.

    Did you have drive-ins when you were growing up? I first put my hand under a girls shirt at a drive-in. Tee-hee.

    • Unfortunately, no drive-ins operated in Dunedin. I feel I missed out on a seminal experience.

      • In Dunedin? Didn’t need drive-ins…there were always easy-access student digs!

      • Huh? You’re from Dunedin too???

    • Maybe you need to get off the net and look up that girl from HS

      • According to our research—3 out 10 dudes have tried to throw their dong in the USB port amidst an overzealous world wide whacking endeavor…

        If that helps.

  6. This post was a lot more interesting until I got to ‘Sean, I thought. You’ve really done it this time.’ and suddenly thought “wait, NM’s real name is Sean?”. Reading again from the start rather spoilt my fantasy….

    • haha… that’s hilarious….

      • I had to go back and look too. I missed it the first time.

  7. There are a few words and phrases I’ve got to Google now …….. could this be my slippery slope? If my next comment comes from an NHS IP address it’ll be your fault Nursey!

    • Let me know what inter alia is…

      • inter alia Latin [ˈɪntər ˈeɪlɪə]
        adv
        among other things …… disgusting!!!!

      • Budget Italian airline?

  8. I will admit that I have been away. In explanation, let me just say that I have been busy “volunteering” with eager but unfortunate persons who lack basic essentials, such as sufficient clothing.

    Nick Erless-Netballer

    • Mark – we’ve missed you!

  9. Those are fascinating questions being asked. I’ve never quite understood why men who are in relationships like to look at porn so much… it would seem like an indicator of dissatisfaction? Whereas for a couple to watch porn might give each/both an indicator of interests and a way to mutually explore.

    • I don’t see it as an indicator of dissatisfaction. It would be interesting to hear what men have to say about that though.

    • It’s called nature i think, we are not monogamous creatures, check out the book Sex At Dawn.

  10. You have to admire Sean’s dedication. I find that when it’s late, it’s always a toss-up between sleep and a wank.

    • I wonder if he’s developed hairy palms yet.

  11. Kinks? oh you ain’t getting me t answer that one. Though a nice spanking now and then is quite fun.

  12. Isn’t it a case that most men would cringe if their wives/partners suggested they try the kinky stuff on the internet, I mean the really kinky stuff. Its ok for the mistress , but the wife??, come on she looks after the kids. LOL

  13. I’ve not yet encountered any pornography that says; “that ceiling needs painting.”

  14. Sorry didnae mean to sound mysogynistic there. lol

    • Jimmy? Is that you?

      • Its not Jimmy im afraid.

  15. I can take solace that I haven’t wanked myself into the hospital yet. That’s when you’re wanking for the wrong reasons. I believe I’ve said before you need to keep wanking in its proper perspective.

    And I always consider the woman’s orgasm, I just don’t get the opportunity to consider it very often. But like they say in improv theater: “Take care of your partner and they’ll take care of you.” And when there’s no one to take care of, head for the Internet!

    • “And I always consider the woman’s orgasm, I just don’t get the opportunity to consider it very often.”

      Truth.

  16. Interesting questions, really. Just goes to prove how time changes things…

  17. I’ve never heard of a quinsy before, but based on Sean’s experience I don’t dare Google it.

  18. Wow, I loved this post NM! This read like a humor editorial straight out of The New Yorker.

    I find that I like porn a lot different than I like actual sex. In other words, crazy cool stuff is great to watch, but I wouldn’t bring it home. So to speak.

  19. I get enough obscenity from American political news, thank you very much . . .

  20. He got sent to Arts & Entertainment? Every hospital should do that.

    Seriously funny post, NM. The whole porn thing is almost too weird for words. What people are into, concerning sex, makes for awesome materiel, and exemplified it well.

  21. The internet is a useful outlet but it’s no substitute for the real thing. If you still need it and you’re in a relationship then you need to talk. If you’re only in a relationship for your own personal gratification then hopefully your partner is smart enough to realise this and will send you packing pretty smartish.

    I think easy access to porn solves more problems than it causes.

  22. There is a lot of terrific porn out there and doubtless some awful stuff as well, as per Sturgeon’s Law (“90% of everything is crap”).

    I will only say that one of the men in my checkered life was a late bloomer who had spent a lot of time with fairly vanilla porn, and the unfortunate effect was that he “didn’t realize that sex was going to be so much WORK!!”

    That was when I sat down and realized I had gotten too old to be collecting virgins. I should have had the other ones bronzed.

    • haha… those last two sentences really made me laugh sled

  23. The things I like most about a good porn session are that I don’t have to wash and/or shave beforehand, can snore/fart/pick my nose before, during and after, don’t have to buy dinner, and never get asked when I will phone…..
    The thing that’s not so good is that the computer geeks haven’t yet found a way to replicate that marvellous feel and smell of a warm, happy woman. But they will…..they will!

  24. I have a friend who caught her husband watching a lot of internet porn, and she freaked out. She thinks it will make him not want to have sex with her, or be dissatisfied somehow. I think it’s fine. Whatever rocks your boat. But if you’re getting up at 3a to watch it, it’s a bit much. But if you’re getting up at 3a to eat caramels, that’s a bit much, too.

    • How about 4:00 am for chocolate? Do you think I have a problem Doc?

      • Nope. Perfectly normal. As long as it’s dark chocolate.

  25. I’m afraid my interest in porn is so limited as to be non-existent. A very long time ago I embroidered a logo on the back of one of my sweatshirts that read “Sex is not a spectator sport.” I used to get some very interesting looks. . .

    Actually, I have thoroughly enjoyed erotica by anais nin over the years, and I discovered a love of victorian bondage scenarios. But by and large, I don’t use the internet for porn. The closest I have come to seeing porn on line is your Corset Friday posts.

    I guess I’m just not that into the visuals.

  26. I find words more erotic than pictures

  27. You have to admire Sean’s dedication. I find that when it’s late, it’s always a toss-up between sleep and a wank.

    • A good wank makes you sleep really well. It’s cheaper than Ambien and doesn’t cause you sleepwalk and make strange meals either.

  28. Porn is porn, never as good as the real thing, internet porn get boring too . .

  29. My first adult film was a bold nod to Double F Coppola back in 1979 called “A Cock In Lips Now.”

    War changes a man.

  30. Well nurse, given the nonsense I’m going through with someone, right now I prefer celibacy or Internet porn. Why? I can shut porn off. But this will all subside once this woman is fully out of the picture.

  31. Sean Thomas sounds like my last boyfriend. He disappeared into his porn laptop like Mike TV in Willy Wonka.

  32. I dont know about yr male readers, but I got quite a surprise when I went Googling for some Sex Class images the other day….

  33. I think that internet porn, like “social networking” websites, actually does more to distance humans from each other than it does to inspire them or bring them together. It’s counterproductive. By getting your social needs met through a website, people tend to lose the ability or the interest to pursue an actual relationship in the real world to get their needs met. It’s a quick shortcut that ultimately does more to damage people’s ability to relate to each other.


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