dedicated to my wife and her ten children

In 1818 John Cleves Symmes, a retired American army officer, tried to mount an expedition to the North Pole hole.

I declare the earth is hollow and habitable within; containing a number of solid concentrick spheres, one within the other; I pledge my life in support of this truth, and am ready to explore the hollow, if the world will support and aid me in the undertaking.

image found here. click to enlarge

I have ready for the press, a Treatise on the Principles of Matter, wherein I show proofs of the above positions, account for various phenomena, and disclose Doctor Darwin’s Golden SecretI dedicate this to my Wife and her ten Children.

image

Captain Adam Seaborne set out to prove Symmes’ theory was correct.

“At noon, on the 24th of December, we anchored in 14 fathoms of water, on a fine sandy bottom. This land, out of gratitude to Capt. Symmes for his sublime theory, I immediately named SYMZONIA.

There were a number of buildings on the island, one of which from its magnitude and superior appearance to the others, I judged to be a public edifice of some sort.

image

I walked slowly up the jettee. When I reached the head of it, I took off my hat and made a low bow towards the building, to show the Internals that I had some sense of politeness. No one appeared. I walked up the sloping lawn, stopped, looked about me, and bowed, but still no one appeared to return my civilities.


I recollected, that when Captain Ross was impeded in his progress northward, he met with some men on the ice who told him they came from the north. I remembered that these men so seen by Capt. Ross, saluted him by pulling their noses; and surely it is not surprising that men, inhabiting such different positions on this earth as the inside and outside of it, should differ so much as to consider that a compliment in the one place, which is deemed an insult in the other. I therefore pulled my nose very gracefully, without uncovering my head.

image

This had the desired effect. Several persons from within the building assembled on the platform of the portico. I dared not advance towards them, lest I should put them all to flight, being sensible that it was my dark and hideous appearance that created distrust amongst these beautiful natives. I therefore kept my position, occasionally pulling my nose out of politeness.

image

Full twenty minutes passed in this suspense; when one of the group, a man near five feet high, came to the threshold of the platform, and, raising his hand to his forehead, he brought it down to the point of his nose, and waved it gracefully in salutation, with a slight inclination of the body, but without actually pulling the nose as I had done. At the same time he spoke to me, in a soft, shrill, musical voice. His language was as unintelligible to me as the notes of a singing bird; but his mode of salutation was not. I caught it with the aptness of a monkey, returned his courtesy after his own fashion, and answered him in English, with as soft a whine as I could affect, that my rude voice might not offend his ears.

image of apt monkey (click to play) found here

Author Rodney Cluff believes in a Hollow Earth still.

“My friend Ivars called me the other day and we reminisced times we spent together talking about the hollow earth. He recounted to me the time he met an airline pilot on a flight to his home town in South Carolina. He said he made a point of sitting next to airline pilots that were getting a free flight by wearing their uniform and going as a passenger. This one pilot turned out to have a very interesting story. Ivars sat down next to him and started asking him questions. What airline did he fly for? Delta Airline. Had he ever flown in the Arctic? Why yes, many times. Did you notice anything unusual up there? Then the pilot just opened up and said, “Well, if you’re wondering if a polar opening exists up there and if I have seen it, I have. All Arctic airline pilots have seen it. But we’re under strict orders from the military through our company not to go around telling people, and if you ever tell anyone I told you this, I could get into a whole lot of trouble. Of course, we can’t fly our airplanes over the hole because it would be like going into space.”

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The message I have taken from this is Avoid Flying with Delta Airlines. At least one of their pilots appears to be as mad as a meataxe. And practice pulling your nose in a graceful manner while whining in a soft voice. You never know when you might trip over a hollow……..

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39 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Well, the corsets of Fridays have been discontinued, but perhaps we could have “Friday Fruitcakes” instead? (Yes, it’s only Thursday,but…)
    “…my wife and *her* ten children.” Didn’t this fellow want to acknowledge paternity?
    Then…the Delta chap. Yes, mad as a meataxe.And to think, the first Airline suggested in my NY itinerary was bloody Delta!
    Fruitcake Friday…could be a winner.(Especially if a certain nurse shows her mixing technique!)

    • I was going to do another cheesecake Thursday but it didn’t seem right as I’m duplicating last week’s recipe by popular demand from the mah jongg team.

      • Not my fault! I accuse The King before the cock crows three times.

  2. Where do You find those pictures, hahaha! Thanks for the comment!

    • The sources for the images can be found by clicking the link beneath them.

  3. You found Daddy P! So – his real name is Mr T Cox – – -

    • Yes. now we can really stalk him properly.

  4. Idiots. I like give his nose a proper tug.

    • I think he and his nose have been dead for quite some time.

  5. Wonderful stuff. The hollow earth idea was a motif in fiction of course since the 18th century but for a really demented variation on the theme look up Richard Shaver but watch out for the Deros!

    • fascinating. I hadn’t heard of him before but I bet my mah jongg playing sci fi aficionado friends have

  6. The earth is not hollow. It is a retro-outfitted rumpus room cafeteria with board games, nachos and moderately-priced beverages. Bring your friends!

    • Only board games? no mah jongg?

  7. i need a monkey.

    • Daisyfae, I hope you are not the only one who clIcked on the monkey. It’s my favourite gif ever!

  8. The Internals?

    • Yes :-) what else would you call the inhabitants of the interior?

      • I didn’t find surprising, so much, as amusing.

  9. When I was a little kid I used to believe that the earth was filled with peanut butter and potatoes. Seriously.

    Now, I know better. It is filled with hell.

    • Mmmmm…. peanut butter

  10. That rings hollow…

    • But not to Richard Shaver apparently

  11. I used to love Journey to the Center of the Earth. :)

  12. That hollow earth looks like the head of many American politicians. They also have their fingers up their noses.

  13. You had me at cheesecake…

    The King

  14. “…if the world will support and aid me in the undertaking.”

    I can’t count how many times I’ve said this in regards to an idea that popped into my head. Surprisingly not whilst drinking.

    • Also, in regards to that ad… if you look like a chunky Woody Allen in drag, you’re going to need more than Ritalin to help your depression. Just go straight to the hard drugs from your friendly neighborhood street merchant.

  15. Stupid people and your theory of gravity, of course the Earth is hollow

    • Kind of like Malach’s head.

      • but are you sure malach’s head is gravitational?

  16. this is another one of your most memorable posts, nurse myra! i am glad i didn’t eat any bricks before seeing the photo of the queen picking her nose, because i might have instantly shat them.
    and i’m convinced the earth is hollow. its just that, well… it’s filled with lava. and everyone knows– or should know– one doesn’t thumb their nose at lava.

  17. The monkey. I want one to wash my pug.

    • I want one to wash ME!

  18. This hollow earth mission reminds me of the fantabulous tales in a great Australian novel you might enjoy called the English Passengers, it has a similarly nutty character that travels from England to Tassie in search of the Garden of Eden….

  19. The world is indeed hollow.

  20. I always pull a man’s nose out of politeness. It does wonders for their manners.

    Lovely post xx

  21. I’m going to mail-order one of those pith helmets, and put it on every time I read your post. It’s always a grand adventure, on this weird and wonderful planet.

  22. Good heavens!! One of my actor friends works for Delta and this explains a lot! :)


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