a man’s life

Extracted from The Digest of Hygiene’s “A Man’s Life” by Joseph M Lee

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“Masturbation is a habit that must be practiced alone and may lead to depression and a deep dissatisfaction with oneself. Married men have been known to masturbate. If you do so, even in your married state, you should try to work out some solution with your wife.

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If young men have an idea that they would like to marry a girl who has not cheapened herself, we suggest that you consider leaving a few of them around. While we are on the subject of people who come to a marriage with a “past”, confession may be good for the soul, but it might be a good idea to do your confessing to your doctor or your minister or to the diary you are going to burn before you get married, instead of to your fiancee. 

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If your wife knows nothing of the matters of sex, you must act as a sort of instructor. Explain the function of the marriage ritual as delicately as possible. Explain how she may have an orgasm, and why. Even if it is possible to have coitus on your wedding night, it is possible that it may not be wholly satisfactory. Remember – be a man – not an animal.

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Inability of the man to withstand the stimulation of friction until the wife reaches her climax is one of the main causes for failure and chagrin for many couples. Massaging several times daily with desensitizing cream – to be prescribed only by a physician – will have a calming effect on the male organ. Though there will be erection during the massage, it is not masturbation, but conditioning. 

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Remember, most women, even if strongly sexed, do not experience an orgasm every time. About three successes out of four contacts is considered normal. Inadequate erection or short duration of sexual contact will cause failure of a woman’s response, but the husband can caress the genital area to supplement intercourse and the wife can fortify her husband’s erection by rhythmic manual stimulation. This is neither unnecessary nor undignified for her to do so.

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46 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. The late Dave Allen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Allen_(comedian) could have written a whole show around Papal jokes based on this! :-)

    • Oh I remember Dave Allen. My mum had a crush on him, he really was kind of yummy for his time

  2. Finding a girl who hasn’t cheapened herself? Mercifully the not-wife is not very expensive!

    • Neither am I ;-)

  3. ALWAYS make sure the woman gets off first. I remember that from 20 years ago before all my hair turned white.

    • That advice is absolutely correct

  4. Turtles were a threat to he-men of ’60s (ish) yore? Who knew…?

  5. First of all, that magazine cover is a hoot! I laughed very loudly at the statement “Though there will be erection during the massage, it is not masturbation, but conditioning. ” Hahahaha. Right on.

    I’d like to know where he got his statistics. I was sort of judgmental about my sexual encounters when I was young. If I didn’t have an orgasm during the first contact, there was no second date. That being said, I usually have about 4 or 5 orgasms to every one of my darling husband’s — and yes, I realize that I am totally spoiled by a sensitive and imaginative lover.

    • Four or five? Wow!

      • I shouldn’t brag, I suppose. But that’s about right. We make up for frequency by high quality when we do get together. Aging has its perks.

    • Right on? I think you mean “hard on.”

  6. I think “chewed to bits by giant turtles” is going on my list of awesome phrases.

    • It could be a blog header…..

  7. I’m good at self abuse. I send myself derogatory emails!

    • Do you answer them too?

  8. I’m sure Joseph Lee himself has played a great role in ‘cheapening’ some girls.

    • Now now Jaya. I believe he speaks very highly of you…..

  9. Hahaha!

  10. Is that University of Michigan sign real?

    • I think not.

      • I loved that sign! I kind of believed it. Or, perhaps it was a college prank>

  11. “Pipes in the halls are not meant to handle semen” …

    Those undergrads must have some highly viscous ejaculate. Have they not heard of an Electric Eel? Maybe that is what the “semen related costs” refer to.

    As an aside, I think that I just cheapened myself with that comment.

  12. I don’t think masturbation needs to be practised alone – and nor does it lead to deep dissatisfaction. I have often cracked one off on the 08.49 train to St Pancras and found my climactic shout of “J-Lo!” has been met with enthusiastic applause by my fellow travellers.

  13. I am lucky and above average.
    Sx

  14. “I’d like to know where he got his statistics. I was sort of judgmental about my sexual encounters when I was young. If I didn’t have an orgasm during the first contact, there was no second date. That being said, I usually have about 4 or 5 orgasms to every one of my darling husband’s — and yes, I realize that I am totally spoiled by a sensitive and imaginative lover.”

    Lady, do you have any idea how you just screwed things up for the rest of us average white boys?!

    • Jim is an average white boy, actually.

      • As my self esteem plumits………..

  15. The covers of Men’s Life and its ilk were my early introduction into erotica. This post made sex sound like a medical procedure (or sex with the specific intent to impregnate, which is about as erotic as a medical procedure).

  16. I am conditioning my sense of humour by returning lasciviously to your blog each night: the Pavlov cartoon is awesome. The advice is very touching for its time.

  17. when giant turtles attack? walk away. slooooooowly….

    but be sure to cop a feel of that lovely rack before you do!

  18. Is that an early version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles there? Personally I prefer cheap girls.

  19. Self-abuse? Good heavens, I would never resort to such a thing. Especially as they say it makes you blind and half-witted and eventually it falls off and gets eaten by the dog.

  20. My masseuse is going to be so relieved that I only pay him for conditioning ;)

  21. I hear giant turtle damage can be very expensive, too.

  22. Intrigued by the damage semen does to Michigan piping – we should know more …

  23. Carl is right. When you make sure the woman gets off first, she will definitely take care of you and then won’t mind when you fall asleep following coitus. And the three orgasms out every four times at sex, that sounds about right if you’re decent at sex. I’m going to need more conditioning to get back into fucking shape.

  24. My brother went to Michigan and they had coed bathrooms yet no bathroom masterbation. What fun is that?

  25. phyllis the plumber just left…..he had to repipe the entire bathroom…..”why,” i asked. “seen it 10,000 times,” phyllis said, “semen. wrecks ‘em every time.”

  26. Okay, this is all gold, but the UM sign is my favorite!

  27. I’m still stuck on the “4 or 5″ comment. Damn. I need some conditioning pronto. Maybe I’ll go stick a turtle head up my twat.

    • Maybe you’ll do what?????

      • I felt like being shocking. Worked, didn’t it?

  28. Snork.


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