iatromathematics

ever thought you’d like a career in medicine but haven’t got time to earn a degree? perhaps you could consider iatromathematics aka the diagnosis of disease via astrology.  here’s a condensed peep at the stars

Aries: Under planetary afflictions these people are subject to brain fever, dizziness, nosebleed, neuralgia, inflammation of the cerebral hemispheres, and diseases of the brain. They frequently suffer from a rush of blood to the head.

Taurus: When a Taurean contracts a disease, he holds on to it tenaciously. He has great fear of sickness, and on account of this fear he makes a poor doctor or nurse. The Taurean has a tendency to take on flesh in middle life. Being short and thickest as a rule, he becomes very fleshy about the neck.

Gemini: The Gemini person is subject to nervous troubles. Gemini being one of the common signs, a person born with this sign rising is often very careless of his health and habits

Cancer: The afflictions which may be classed under the sign of Cancer are indigestion, hiccough, flatulency, dropsy, and sclerosis. Cancer people are very fond of food and are usually hearty eaters.

Leo: They suffer frequently with disturbance of the spleen, which has an effect upon the activities of the blood, causing an excess of white blood corpuscles, which are destroyers and not policemen of the blood stream as medical science claims.

Virgo: When Virgo people once get into the clutches of sickness, they are apt to become chronic invalids. Therefore though such people make excellent nurses, they should be advised against this vocation and avoid sick rooms and hospitals, for they are like sponges and ever ready to take on the disease of their patients.

Libra: The afflictions from which the Libran is most likely to suffer are Bright’s disease, lumbago, disturbed urine.

Scorpio: There is often a cruel and tyrannical streak in the Scorpio, and the desire nature is strong, sometimes sensual. Low desires often bring excesses, which may cause the following diseases: syphilis, hernia, scurvy, fistula, piles, inflammation and falling of the womb, uterine troubles, stricture of the prostate gland, and nasal catarrh.

Sagittarius: The Sagittarian diseases are locomotor ataxia, sciatica, rheumatism, and hip disease.

Capricorn: The diseases to which Capricorn is subject are eczema, syphilis, leprosy; also dislocation of the bones.

  Aquarius: Aquarius is under the rule of two planets, the melancholy, fearful, and overanxious Saturn and the impulsive, heedless, emotional, and hysterical Uranus.

Pisces: Do not allow anyone who is of a too sympathetic nature to visit the Piscean while he is ill. He should be placed in a very cheerful room, with a cheerful attendant, and a sign on the door, “No sympathetic visitors allowed.” The Piscean is prone to drift into the habit of drink and the use of narcotics. On account of their fondness for good food and an easy life, Piscean people are subject to gout and the swelling of the feet.

Virgo is in italics because nursemyra was born under that sign. it’a more than a little worrying that according to iatromathematics I have made the worst career choice possible. my patients are incontinent, arthritic, deaf, drooling and demented. at this stage I am none of these things but it’s only a matter of time before my spongelike persona starts manifesting symptoms.

I need to dress in an impermeable material from head to toe to prevent this calamity.

coming out of retirement

the nurse is back! being unable to access my blog for over four weeks has been hellish enough without the added stress of having to break in new staff at the gimcrack. it’s going to take me a while to catch up with everyone’s blogs and to work out why I’m having so much trouble trying to upload images…. did wordpress change everything while I was away? or am I just rusty?

reprieve for the candy striper

nursemyra is moving house tomorrow. unfortunately, my new apartment will not have an internet connection for two weeks so it’s highly unlikely I will be able to blog for some time. can I go cold turkey?

maybe yes maybe no. perhaps I’ll borrow a laptop from somewhere or get to an internet cafe if the withdrawal symptoms are too severe.

you know I’ll miss you all so don’t forget to leave a comment or two and press the “fuelmyblog” widget on the right hand side of the screen. I’ve taken extra photos to make up for not posting the usual Corset Friday. some of the angles are quite strange but I was trying to show an equal number of front and back views. #6 is a kneeling shot, the backs of these stockings are really pretty though I need longer arms to do them justice

 

 

feague off

nursemyra loves stumbling across unusual words. I’d not heard of feagueing before but it’s in Francis Grose’s Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, defined as:

 “to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, or a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used, figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up”.

fancy having a live eel up your fundament. what would you say to the emergency department doctor who had to remove it? “Buggar me, I slipped on an eel and look where it ended up”

I wish I had a copy of this marvellous old dictionary, it’s got so many fabulous expressions. what is a fart catcher and what service does one perform?

A valet or footman so named from his walking behind his master or mistress.

the gimcrack’s handyman could easily assume that title. the majority of our geriatrics fart as they walk, it’s a very musical hospital. they’re also likely to have a collection of fartleberries or “excrement hanging about the anus”

and if you’re looking for a new word with which to insult someone, how about “you flogging cully“. it means debilitated lecher, commonly an old one.

 

that’s what I’d be calling anyone who turned up at my clinic looking for sympathy for their footman’s maund

An artificial sore made with unslaked lime, soap, and the rust of old iron, on the back of a beggar’s hand, as if hurt by the bite or kick of a horse.

let’s not forget the females. try wooing your sweetheart by called her fubsey. sounds affectionate and means healthy. A fubsey wench; a plump, healthy wench.

here are some of Leonard Nimoy’s fubsies from the Full Body Project. click on the link if you’d like to see them in all their naked glory

and if you’d like a ginger feagueing, nursemyra’s clinic will be open from 9:00-10:00 Tuesdays and Fridays. please remove all fartleberries first.

a new octave of sexual ecstasy

I know easter is over but the eggs we’re going to talk about today are not made of chocolate. behold the crystal onyx vaginal weightlifting egg:

This Tool is for those who desire to create Olympian heights of Sexual Pleasure. Vaginal weight lifting training is a Must!

This weight lifting egg has an eye-hook and cotton cord that allows you to add additional weight to your egg to increase the POWER of your Vaginal Workout!

This Erotic Art creates a new octave of sexual ecstasy. We provide an Instruction booklet to get you started as well as an attractive black velvet pouch.

while researching this subject I discovered another kind of black velvet pouch altogether.

he heavily saturates his genitals with ink. He did what amounts to a saline injection but with tattoo ink, so a large part of his scrotum and testicles are now black as well

blackvelvet-bag.jpg   

there are also other types of vaginal exercisers as Mary Roach from Salon found out

The Feminine Personal Trainer, is a one-pound stainless steel weight that comes with a video and a Discreet Hard Shell Carrying Case.  I opened the Discreet Hard Shell Carrying Case to find a polished stainless-steel, knob-ended object and a slip of paper telling me not to be overwhelmed by the weight of the FPT. I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed by the size of the FPT. I think it is safe to say that this is the only workout on Earth that calls for vaginal lubricant. The directions ask you to insert and contract, causing the FPT to rise up inside you until all that can be seen protruding is a rounded piece of steel, as though you are giving birth to a hardware store.

image found at ponyxpress

the egg is a often used as a metaphor in literature and film. Fans of In the Realm of the Senses and Bataille’s Story of the Eye already know this. whilst enjoyable to eat, the egg does not have any particular aphrodisiac qualities though some cultures may take a little persuading before they accept this

for the last word on ovum today, here’s an image of Erotic Eggs (artist unknown)

found here. and more erotic eggs here.

more safe sex

I’m still amazed by the variety of condoms out there. I’ve not yet broached the subject of sex with Duc, our transgendered patient, but I’d like to be prepared should the occasion arise. this one comes in a pretty shade of green, (not a colour I’d previously associated with penises), and has a baffling chingrish name.

poor Duc is unlikely to get many offers as nature has not been kind to her. recently 70s posted a youtube of kenny everett as Cupid Stunt sporting an impressive pair of breasts. they were certainly eye catching and could well provide some necessary distraction

transexuals arouse the erotic attentions of many and it’s the term that’s at the top of my search engine results every day. while many male to female transexuals are very beautiful, it’s less common for those who are transgendered and curiosity about them is often more prurient than erotic

the best chance Duc has of getting laid is if she stumbles across a myopic, hearing impaired gent who’s unlikely to be too alarmed by a baritone voiced and beer bellied ”lady”. it might help if they avoid too much foreplay and get down to business as quickly as possible. like pronto!

top 9 list of marriage mistakes

bible based marriages have a list of the top 9 marriage mistakes.

1. Refusing sex when requested is a sin: “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
2. Creating a dependency link between the two roles of husbands loving their wives and of wives submitting to their husbands.
3. Husbands failing to unconditionally love and honour their wives, even when they rebelliously refuse to submit.
4. Wives failing to unconditionally submit to their husbands, even when they are treated badly.
5. Limiting the extent of submission to “just the big stuff” instead of 100% of the smallest judgement areas. The wife may be the manager of the house, but the husband is the manager of the wife.
6. Going to bed without resolving a problem. Harboring a grudge or anger from the previous day.
7. Thinking that professional, certified marriage councilors or Ph D level psychiatrists will help at all.
8. Thinking that a spouse may separate or divorce without sin.
9. Wives who address their husbands above a “quiet, respectful, submissive, whisper“, at any time.

#6 strikes me as sound advice. all of us have habits that tend to annoy our partners from time to time. I can think of better things to argue about than using too much toilet paper

from the wonderful Sid in the City

but submission doesn’t come easy to some of us. sometimes a successful marriage needs a little pharmaceutical help

and sometimes there’s just no other way around it. a husband may have to resort to discipline to really show his wife who her manager is

I don’t think nursemyra will be contemplating marriage any time in the future. according to that list I’d be making several mistakes. plus I don’t know how to whisper……

sweeten your man juice

many men complain that they don’t get enough oral sex. maybe they’re dating the wrong kind of women or maybe they don’t have the right kind of sperm appeal. some women might need a little persuasion before they’ll put objects in their mouths, especially if they have the wrong idea about germs. don’t think about that too much, mouths have way more germs than penises do but it doesn’t seem to stop men from wanting to go there

the good folk at Semenex have some advice which may or may not help persuade a reluctant female to sample the goodies

About an hour or so before bed, ejaculate at least a time or two before taking Semenex.

1. Shortly before bed, pour one serving of Semenex into a lidded container of 6 ounces of water (or any other desired potable liquid or beverage).
2. Close the container lid and shake contents vigorously (that’s right, “shaken, not stirred”). Then drink.

Pineapple; Broccoli; Banana; Celery; Strawberry; Fructose; Cinnamon; Ginger; Nutmeg; Citric Acid; Vitamins B6, B12,
and E; Calcium; Magnesium; Creatine; Selenium; Zinc; and Chlorophyll

well that seems pretty simple doesn’t it? and according to “Rex” it tastes a lot like liquid pumpkin pie. that would be kind of like the pureed lunch we feed to our geriatrics then.

nursemyra likes to see sperm as a pearl necklace. after all that effort, it’s nice for two lovers to lie back and admire the results for a while, inhale the aroma and think of the sea. I’ve never thought of adding it to food but other people have. here’s a dressing recipe for that tossed salad your in-laws asked you to bring to their barbecue

In a screw-top jar combine lemon or lime juice; honey; oil; cinnamon, allspice, or cardamom; paprika and your delicious spunk. Cover and shake well. Refrigerate the dressing until serving time. Shake well before serving. Makes about 3/8 cup (six tablespoon servings). Shake well before using. Add eggs if required

don’t know that I fancy a salad after reading that but I’m always up for a lollipop

casual t shirt friday

 

this one is dedicated to renalfailure

pied piper

we’ve got rodents at the gimcrack again. I thought we’d taken care of that problem but apparently they had second cousins or great grandchildren and they’re looking to take over the estate. nursemyra does not intend to let that happen

I was considering the air rifle route though it might damage the pelts and make them unsaleable. they’re not welcome at the gimcrack but you’d be surprised the uses other people have found for them

it’s not only the chinese who eat rodents, the french are also fond of them though theirs is a river variety. I won’t show you any pictures but you can read the recipe for Rat Stew a la Francaise here

rat art interests me more than rat food. I’d never thought of making accessories from our furry friends but Kristopher Paetau has done exactly that. I rather like the look of the shoes but don’t fancy a rat poking its head around my bottom. still, the photo shoot is very interesting and the models look like they’re having fun.

I didn’t play the movies so I can’t comment on them but scroll on down to see Suzane’s pics. you may get more than you bargained for.