paparazzi ready

I came across an ad for Slimwaist in a magazine today. nursemyra had never heard of this product before but the headline “go from flab to fab in 55 minutes while watching tv” was eye catching enough to make me pause.

Adro, winner of The Biggest Loser 2006 endorses it whole heartedly “it will help you get back to the beach and back into that dress in no time at all”. a fine objective if you’re a woman I suppose but I hope Adro’s not going to be promoting it in a frock.

so how does it work? “it’s as simple as rubbing sunscreen and applying a glad wrap like film then letting your body’s reaction do the rest. In 55 minutes your waist will have shrunk by 1 to 3 centimetres. it works by using a perfect combination of essential oils. their almost magical effect will ease intestinal pressure from the inside, tonify your abdominal muscles and burn fat reserves from below the skin. your friends and your husband need it to look dazzling this summer”

well at $149.00 it’s a steal as for your hard earned cash you receive “the essential oil complex, the slimwaist special gel, an orange texture like skin gel and hypoallergenic film.”  so you rub in some magic oil, tie yourself up in gladwrap and settle down for an hour of The Footy Show. “And Voila your (sic) paparazzi-ready at the beach this summer”

that’s all well and good though it presumes (a) I have a husband and (b) I spend time on the beach waiting for the paparazzi to notice how tonified I am now that my intestinal pressure has been relieved by watching tv.

Adro? I want you to know I’m thinking it over. the gimcrack will get back to you. can we have a discount if we use our own gladwrap?

Published in: on March 13, 2007 at 9:19 am  Comments (11)  

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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I worry that ‘burning fat reserves from beneath the skin’ sounds awfully like accounts of Spontaneous Human Combustion that I’ve read.

    Also, why the qualifier on the ‘almost’ magical effect? It is magical, surely? They haven’t eased off on the hyperbole elsewhere – why stop there??!

  2. Oh, also: “an orange texture like skin gel”? Orange texture? That sounds a bit close to cellulite to me. Is this desirable?

  3. I think they mean the gel will smooth out any bumps in your skin if you have cellulite or in their choice of words “a texture like orange”

    of course it will only work if you follow the instructions and watch tv for exactly 55 minutes

  4. So that’s why they call it ‘almost magical’ – they don’t want you to know they know that the electromagnetic radiation from television does all the work while you’re wrapped up like a gelatine-leaking snack cake on the couch. What a sly trick. Kind of like telling the natives that some god gave you sticks that belch fire and death instead of telling them that you’ve got a cheap firearm built under government contract . . . .

  5. Ah! FFE – what you’re saying is that it’s science!! Righty Ho! I’m convinced! Where do I buy shares?

  6. Just Blurkin’ 🙂

    Have a nice day!


  7. Science? Sounds more like Scientology >B^D>

  8. Reverend Anaglyph: you know you can only buy shares through nursemyra. and only if you grease her wheels with shiraz first.

    FFF: do you mean that TomKat is behind this??

    Pinoyblog: thanks for dropping by

  9. Let’s just say that the last commercial I saw for a aimilar product had a shill with a winning, boyish smile and was about 8 inches shorter than me (vertically speaking).

  10. similar – no wonder I’m a former editor

  11. oh I dunno. I kinda like aimilar. am off to the gimcrack in a few minutes and will spend my driving time deciding how to use it in a sentence

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