how to win an argument

Plooptionary has asked nursemyra to disclose her strategies for winning arguments. of course, as a medical professional I am always right therefore have no need to argue.

however, occasions do arise at the Gimcrack where nursemyra likes to provoke a passionate response so I do have a tip or two for persuading others to agree with your demands.

1.  argueing attire should hint at the delights awaiting those who bend to your wishes. a uniform that fastens up the front is ideal as a proven mathematical equation states that if you leave 4 out of 12 buttons undone your chances of success increase by 88%

2.  always wear a corset and fishnet stockings when issuing your orders presenting your case. obviously, we women are always in the right but our position is strengthened by appropriate attire

3. display the relevant instruments. nursemyra has a cache of these in her top drawer. sometimes it is necessary to leave the ball crusher, the speculum or the tongue forceps exposed on top of the desk but an experienced persuader never needs to actually utilise these tools

4. stockpile appropriate medication. ensure all drugs are adequately labelled. always remember the uppers red ones are for the winner  medical professional and the downers blue ones are for the vanquished patient.

5. the use of alcohol is permitted when emphasising a point. a good strategy is to let your patient think acquiesence will result in increased access to alcohol. when measured doses are mixed with the appropriate medication (see 3. above) your arguments will appear much stronger and more cohesive.

of course this procedure is mainly relevant to medical professionals but the female layperson is advised to introduce steps 1 and 2 whenever an argument needs bolstering.


Published in: on May 22, 2007 at 8:16 am  Comments (12)  

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12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I popped over from Rising Blogger to say congratulations on your award. Your winning post had me in ‘stitches’. You’re on my favourites now.

  2. Congratulations on the award. I can’t imagine any entendres arising from it; not around here anyway.

    Okay that last part might have been a little sarcastic, but I meant it in a good way.

    And *that* last part wasn’t sarcastic at all.

    And *that* last part…

  3. Tip #1 is doable, but corset and fishnet stockings? I just don’t know. Wouldn’t leather and spandex work just as well?

  4. You amateur! The TG wins every argument for two reasons
    1. She can raise an eyebrow
    2. I’m really scared
    3. She can count

    [she can also spell]

  5. …thought it said penile agitation the first time…

  6. Tip 2.5: Wear knee-high boots with the fishnets and corset. Boots demand respect, and having superior footwear is 9/10th of any battle.

  7. One of the acknowledged side effects of Thorazine may be blurred vision. Perhaps that’s why I suffer from penile agitation whenever I think of nursemyra’s undoubted argumentative skill.

  8. Akelamalu: welcome!! we look forward to your company

    RaJ: And I see you’ve got one of the same awards yourself 🙂

    Lizza: now you’re bringing out the big guns. remember to only use those on the truly recalcitrant

    Papersurfer: we spell correctly in Oztralia

    Letters: that was yet another of your freudian slips

    Renal Failure: those who know me well also know my footwear collection consists of 11 pairs of boots and 4 pairs of shoes. expect to see boots on casual fridays. 2 pair even go higher than my knees

    BB: blurred vision and penile agitation….. two signs that nursemyra has been on duty

  9. With 11 pairs of boots, Nursemyra must win every argument she’s ever been in. And with the 2 pairs of boots that go over her knee, she’s probably won some arguments before they’ve even started.

  10. no I don’t win ’em all.

    sometimes it’s fun to be the underdog

  11. […] patient in the GimCrack Hotel although Nurse’s 2nd tip for winning an argument is to always “wear a corset and fishnet stockings” … She’d certainly beat me like […]

  12. […] well whaddya know, apparently I’ve done two memes in the past. Published […]

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