oligophagous ollie

a few of our patients have weight problems. with those who are underweight we can supplement their food with protein shakes but the overweight are more difficult to treat as they’re usually sneaking food between meals.

one such secret gorger is ollie, who eats double helpings of meat at every meal which could mean bacon for breakfast, maybe steak and chips for lunch and a slab of shepherds pie for dinner. his fridge looks like a mini charcuterie and he set the fire alarms off once by using a george foreman grill balanced on the toilet cistern to whip up a brace of chops for a midnight snack.

he orders in ribs and burgers and “meat lovers pizza” when he needs a snack and being a good aussie bloke, washes it all down with a couple of schooners of beer. he probably couldn’t get away with this in a regular hospital but our patients are encouraged to view the gimcrack as a hotel with medical assistance and ollie wants to be master of his own destiny.

he’s already finding it hard to move around much and quite frankly, if he fell over I’m not sure our mechanical lifter is strong enough to get him back up so drastic measures may be called for. he needs to lose about 50 kilos in a hurry so I’m sending off for this authentic medical treatment first thing tomorrow…….


Published in: on July 25, 2007 at 9:03 am  Comments (15)  

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  1. Shame he didn’t catch the drippy tummy when he had the chance.

    You all serve steak and chips and shepherd’s pie? Hell, I’m checking in. You wouldn’t have to worry about me falling, breaking bones or other geriatric worries for at least another 20 years.

  2. Okay here’s the thing I don’t understand about tapeworms. What do they do to lose weight?

  3. Thanks for commenting the other day and for the link. I am on my way back to my site to link you. Cheers!!

  4. Oh so tempting! and with no ill effects…fantastic

  5. My thoughts exactly, Dad. ….wonder if the worm would allow me to skip the workouts, as well?

  6. Tut. Nurse Myra, I think you’ve misunderstood Ollie completely – he obviously recognizes his weight problem and is trying to take measures by embracing the Atkins Diet!!

    No need of ‘Friends for a Fair Form’ at all!

  7. There’s always the AIDS diet. Whoops, I misspelled that. The Ayds Diet.

  8. I have put some foul things in my mouth in my time, but I draw the line at worms.

  9. […] Nurse Myra, I will not be sending off for […]

  10. Reminds me of a resident we have at my nursing home…. He promised not to fall on any of the staff members/out of bed if we stopped pressuring him to lose weight.
    We’ll see how long that works. Sadly, he’s quite alzheimered and most likely will not remember this promise.

  11. …. but they’re sanitised !!!!

  12. Sanitised tape worms? Wow.

    Do they get rid of cellulite too?

  13. you’re back!!!!!

    we missed you. can you tell?

  14. just a thought, but that surely would dampen the enthusiasm of anal enthusiasts . . . .

  15. it would sure dampen mine

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