whip it, whip it good

the gimcrack takes a liberal stance when it comes to addictions. as most of our patients are nearer to the end of their life than the beginning we see no point in making them hang out for their fix. to this end, a non smoker like nursemyra can be persuaded to make a trip up the road to the tobacconist so Fred and Bernie can suck on a cigarette while catching a few rays of vitamin d on the smoker’s verandah. for the ethanol addicted, the local bottle shop delivers alcohol and we host a Happy Hour once  a month. hell, for sex addicts we even provide free hand jobs though not all staff were aware of this.

so despite irrefutable evidence from our Russian colleagues, we probably won’t be initiating whipping therapy as a treatment for addictions.

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.

Doctor of Biological Sciences, Sergei Speransky, is a very well known figure in Novosibirsk. The doctor became one of the authors of the shocking whipping therapy. The professor used the self-flagellation method to cure his own depression; he also recovered from two heart attacks with the help of physical tortures too.

”The whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patients receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,” Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.

It’s interesting to note that Sergei recommends whipping as an antidote to depression. this is a common ailment afflicting dementing geriatrics and nursemyra is partial to wielding a whip though preferably not at ageing wrinkled buttocks. for the health of my patients I will have to try and overcome this aversion but it may take some time.

for the moment I’ll just practise on volunteers between the ages of 30 and 45