lockdown

when I left work on friday afternoon there were rumours of a gastro outbreak. one or two cases of diarrhea and a little vomiting, let’s not jump to conclusions while I’m still on duty.

but it appears the rumours were true so we’re in battle mode now. the dining room is closed and patients are confined to their cells rooms. this means tray service for all meals so nursemyra spent an hour or two in the kitchen artfully arranging scoops of mashed potato and ladling custard.

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of course, it’s hard to make deaf or demented patients understand why they can’t keep traipsing around as usual, fingering whatever takes their fancy. nursemyra is gloved up to the elbows squirting microshield in every direction. can’t be taking any chances around leaky old people, especially those with an unidentified brown substance under their nails

because next weekend belly dancing lessons resume and I don’t want any nasty microbes interfering with my plans to look like this….

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Published in: on July 16, 2007 at 9:37 am  Comments (13)  

invalid for life

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Published in: on July 14, 2007 at 8:46 am  Comments (8)  

not so casual friday 13th

whenever a friday falls on the thirteenth day of the month the inmates patients get particularly restless. nursemyra spent the greater part of the day in meetings at head office but I returned to the gimcrack for the last two hours this afternoon.

knowing that disciplinary measures would probably need to be taken, I opted for a less casual look than last week. nothing says “do as you’re told” quite so emphatically as thigh high boots and a pushup latex brassiere

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Published in: on July 13, 2007 at 8:32 am  Comments (8)  

safe! safe! safe!

the gimcrack’s care coordinator claims to have no sense of smell. nursemyra sometimes wishes she were similarly afflicted, especially when an oblivious patient trails past her desk leaking pungent bodily fluids.

luckily I can always summon traineenurse to whisk the patient away for a quick shower and a dash of deodorant. of course if the problem odour is caused by a failure to practice internal cleanliness then I might have to write off for a fountain syringe of Zonite.

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Published in: on July 10, 2007 at 7:52 am  Comments (17)  

the spencer family secret

when I outed Prince Phillip as an underwear model there were some who doubted me. while yet to obtain indisputable proof, I have stumbled upon an advertisement for the family business which I think backs up my theory that when times were tough the royal consorts did a little moonlighting.

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Published in: on July 7, 2007 at 11:17 pm  Comments (9)  

yet another casual friday

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nursemyra wore white fishnet beneath her uniform today

 

Published in: on July 6, 2007 at 7:55 am  Comments (13)  

sauteed vagina

while on her recent tour of duty, nursemyra and her medical friends had a discussion about treating yeast infections if access to western medicine proved limited. the conversation took a personal turn with ninnynurse wondering aloud whether certain symptoms indicated an overabundance of flora was occurring in her own delectable honey pot.

DoctorT showed professional concern before recommending the local treatment of inserting a peeled garlic clove at bedtime. to facilitate removal the following morning, he suggested sewing a string through the middle of the clove beforehand.

ninnynurse appeared rather appreciative of this advice, particularly as the consultation was free and accompanied by lubricating mai tais. it didn’t seem to matter to her that his qualifications were from Degrees-R-Us as he had attractive facial hair and a couple of erotic tattoos. on the other hand it didn’t seem to worry him that the honeypot might be harbouring a few extra blossoms.

later in the evening, during the followup consultation, DoctorT found his medical bag contained no garlic so another method was used involving his placebo. some patients are more susceptible to the placebo effect and ninnynurse apparently is one of these.

I fear by the time she returned to her home country she may well have been thoroughly sauteed and beyond the help of a little acupuncture and a dollop of yoghurt. luckily there’s always flagyll for the yeast infection though science is still working on the antidote to attractive facial hair combined with erotic tattoos.

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the return of the nurse

gimcrack readers can stop their fretting. nursemyra had a few days in Saigon to recover at the end of her tour of duty and she selflessly devoted this time to the testing of new medical devices.

one such device was discovered by accident after attending a bar night lecture. an attractive professional, attuned to nursemyra’s interest in the human body, persuaded me to inspect the WO/2003/003968 by strongarm tactics describing its unique features. due to language difficulties I was unable to ascertain why the technician felt it necessary to join me on the WO/2003/003968 but I can vouch for the effectiveness of this machine.

at first glance it appears to be one of those massage chairs often seen at large shopping malls but the resemblance is merely superficial. the chair responds immediately to the weight of the human body by closing around all four limbs holding the patient so the procedure may take place.

an excerpt from the manufacturer describes the orgasmic experience examination nursemyra undertook in the interests of medical research:

Disclosed is a massage chair having a perineum massage device. The massage chair includes a buttock support, perineum massaging means being installed inside the buttock support to correspond to a user’s perineum for massaging the user’s perineum by being vibrated and rotated, and elevating means for exposing the perineum massaging means to the outside of the buttock support by raising and lowering the perineum massaging means manually or automatically according to the user’s operation. The present invention has advantages of improving renal function, promoting a production speed of sex hormones, developing muscles in a lower part of the body, strengthening the user’s waist by virtue of stimulation of spinal nerves, relieving tension, achieving emotional stability.

despite previous extensive perineum medical experience, the unexpected production speed of sex hormones and consequent achievement of emotional stability took nursemyra by surprise, particularly as it occurred in a semi public arena. but judging by the gleam I detected in the eye of Miss Saigon as she pressed the release button on the WO/2003/003968 it was an entirely anticipated result.

I am currently attempting to raise 45,588,000 VND to further a new research project. all donations* may be laundered deposited via the gimcrack.

* donations of the fiscal variety only please

Published in: on July 1, 2007 at 11:40 am  Comments (19)