sperm care

as a rule our crazy geriatrics don’t concern themselves with pregnancy though a high percentage of them still like to practise insemination especially after happy hour.

but one of our staff is currently attending a fertility clinic so we’re all about the sperm today. men tend to be pretty cavalier about this stuff, spraying it around at any opportunity, but there are different factors that can affect its quality. emotional stress for instance can result in impaired mobility and sperm with stunted heads. the jury is still out on the tight underwear factor but try to keep your testes from overheating, it’s not good for them. a current publication I consulted is advising you to avoid steam baths and hot showers also.

being overweight is undesirable. it not only diminishes your fertility, but also means you get laid less often. you don’t want that do you?

so there you have it guys. look after your baby gravy, take care of your gentleman’s relish. follow nursemyra’s advice. we don’t give any short head around here.

picture perfect puss

I don’t usually post videos but this one goes so perfectly with my fear of beaver fever

A for ataxia (or the many uses of alcohol)

ataxia is a gait disorder that is sometimes seen in older patients admitted for ethanol abuse.  when BJ walks her legs form a straight A at all times. she’s been with us for a couple of years and we monitor her alcohol intake carefully. she calls it her “medicine” and we play along by serving it in a cute little medical measuring cup.

moderate intake of red wine supposedly helps prevent heart disease and also wards off macular degeneration, an age related eye disease that you don’t want to get. so I’m all in favour of washing down your B12 supplements with therapeutic doses of fermented grapes or distilled barley.

we have other uses for alcohol at the gimcrack. it’s a good antiseptic to clean skin tears, another common affliction in the elderly. skin integrity is compromised as we age, so a daily application of an emollient is a habit I’d recommend. or you could ask a friendly nurse like Blondie or Ruby to demonstrate if you’re not sure of the procedure.

go here for more Panzar illustrations

of course there will always be people who like to experiment but my professional opinion is that champagne is too acidic for older drier skins  so octogenarians should not attempt to use it in this way.

p.s. alcohol is also good for removing foot odour and vomit stains after happy hour but nursemyra prefers just to drink it.

fornicating with fibre

nursemyra likes her patients to be as happy as possible while living at the gimcrack. most of them would rather be somewhere else so it’s a difficult task but I like to think I’m up to the challenge. two things that can raise serotonin levels are food and sex so it’s not surprising to find that the good people at Homemade Sex Toys have put a lot of effort and creativity into developing this combination.

the instructions are quite detailed so I think even our not so bright kitchen staff should be able to follow the recipe if I print it out. the gimcrack’s halloween celebration is looking a lot more interesting now that I’ve found a new use for pumpkins.

pumpkins contain 1.5 grams of fibre per half cup which is not really all that much so nursemyra advises her patients (and readers) to also include plenty of fruit in their diet.

if you follow my recommendations of eating healthy food, drinking plenty of water and indulging in regular exercise (see above) then your bowels will reward you with a satisfying evacuation every day. unless of course you’d actually prefer one of these……

balls balls balls

as part of our falls prevention program, we’re trialling a new exercise ball at the gimcrack.

 

 you know those balls you sit on that are supposed to strengthen your core muscles? well it’s one of those but it comes with a bowl shaped support stand which makes it more stable and suitable for our crazy geriatrics.

the trouble is, not many of them are keen to try it so nursemyra has been looking for ways to make it more appealing. as luck would have it, my friend Mr. Jack of China Adult Novelties understands this very common problem and has devised a solution.

Our most affordable manual device. Very simple, but effective in creating a wild riding experience. It’s easy to use. Simply inflate the ball, attach the realistic 6 inch Vac-U-Lock dong and mount either anally or vaginally. Being penetrated by this device and forced to ride is a hot scenario for many.The E-Z Rider Rocker and any of our easy slip on VAC-U-LOCK products can now give you total control while you assume a dominant position for an unbelievable solo experience. Or at the same time the E-Z Rider Rocker makes oral stimulation with you partner

it certainly would help to anchor them in and provide that much needed reassurance that they won’t fall off in a hurry. because we’re all about patient safety and falls prevention at the gimcrack. with a dash of sexual satisfaction.

hmmm… maybe I should put that on our new brochures….

 

t-shirt friday

it’s the last friday of the month so it’s t-shirt friday not to be confused with corset friday which will be back next week

I believe DaddyP, 70s Teen and Surftwin are also going to post t-shirt pics today…..

bittersweet (making light of a serious topic)

regular readers know nursemyra lost someone special recently. spending an evening blogging (about nursing, sex, medicine and appliances) is one of the strange rituals that helps me cope.

another weird ritual is taking his t-shirt to bed with me as it still retains an aromatic memory. over time I suppose this will completely fade away, but the even the act of laying my cheek and nose against the fabric invokes a ghostly presence that I find comforting.

so I love this sexy ad for men’s underwear I stumbled across this evening. nursemyra is not blonde but otherwise this is a fair representation of what I’ve been up to lately….

count to ten

nursemyra has advocated the use of a TENS machine before. the gimcrack’s physiotherapist hooked me up to one when my back was less than shipshape and it worked for me.

some people have taken this technology ten steps further

The medilike digi Pro 4000 is one of the best TENS-instrument. It has got 2 separate regulated chanals, which makes it possible to serve the penis and Anus in different ways and at the same time.

The electricity-TENS-instrument can get connected to the stimulation currentchamber. This makes it possibleto become an orgasmus with the chastitybelt closed, in a way you`ve never intensity. With the other programs, you will also give your penis acute punishment.

all trussed up and nowhere to go

patient BL has just come back from the real bigger hospital up the road after a hernia repair. BL was formerly a believer in the Cluthe Rupture Institute’s claims, he had been soldiering through life with a truss type appliance.

Because free from “harness,” there is nothing about the Cluthe Truss that can bulge the clothing. It can be worn under corsets; or worn under tights without showing. Many acrobats wear Cluthe Trusses under their tights when performing.

unfortunately his performing days were behind him, though that didn’t stop BL suggesting the Brooke’s method to one of our night nurses.

luckily, a hernia operation is a much less painful procedure than it was back in the unenlightened days of early medicine

according to medscape this was one method utilised before the Cluthe Institute set to work 

And the result of all this study and experimenting was the invention of the famous Cluthe Truss and Automatic Massager.

massage is classed as an extra service at the gimcrack. BL’s not going to be getting any extra services from our nurses. but don’t think we’re entirely heartless. if he’s finding it hard to sleep after the excursion up the road nursemyra is always happy to unlock the drug cupboard.

 

create your own capon

due to the rise in unacceptable behaviours at the gimcrack nursemyra has been researching new disciplinary instruments…..

(no cutting, tearing or twisting of delicate parts)

my male readers can stop crossing their legs and wincing. nursemyra is scrupulously fair and believes in rewarding good behaviour too

Johann Nepomuk Geiger