snail salvation

it’s summer in sydney but we’ve had a few freak rainstorms recently and nursemyra noticed a rout of snails have appeared in the gimcrack’s garden. I’ve been trying to save money on our pharmaceuticals budget so this could actually prove to be quite a windfall

Snails must be prepared in an uneven number. Those who spit up blood feel much better if they drink snails. Eating snails was prescribed for individuals suffering from vertigo, fainting fits, and fits of madness. The snails should be crushed in the shell and heated with wine’

George Tarenne, in 1808, published a book on snails and their ability to cure hernias Speaking of snail juice, Tarenne indicated that ‘its viscosity, its contraction or astringent strength, and its capability for reproduction allowed me immediately to suppose that it would close hernia openings’

as most of our patients are wrinkled, scarred and warty, I was also delighted to find this information

The studies have verified that the dribble of snail allows to prevent and to eliminate wrinkles, to attenuate grooves, to eliminate scars caused for wounded and burns of first degree, to remove the acne, to clean spots produced by the sun. It has also demonstrated to be effective to eliminate warts of the skin.

I am however a little concerned about preparing these medical treatments myself. without an exact recipe there’s always the danger of overdose. perhaps the best way to utilise my slow moving friends would be to enlist the advice of an experienced producer like Mr. Pablo Gonzalez

Being the raising of snails our principal target we have split our production in the elaboration of high quality slime

I’ve been inspecting them carefully, and their syrupy slime seems to be of very high quality, and perfectly tolerable for our less than saintly patients
snail syrup, which was usually prescribed for scrofula or tuberculosis, was given to Saint Therese and she tolerated it well  provided the horns*** were not visible


* many thanks to my good friend Martino who helped me source this david lachapelle image

*** nursemyra is not bothered by the horns, anything with an erection looks good to me. and if you’re at all interested in snail sex you can see a picture of TWO pairs of snails going at it hot and heavy over here

Published in: on December 13, 2007 at 11:20 am  Comments (17)  

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17 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Phwaor, them snails really pushed my knobs…

    Got any pictures of jelly fish at it, they’re right dirty them jellies

  2. didn’t realise how flexible snails were???

  3. I prefer them sautéed in butter and garlic myself…

  4. I would not want a snail dribbling anywhere near me.

    Alsop, my dear, I have dedicated my latest journal entry to your wondrous self. I hope it is to your…satisfaction?

  5. I’m going to start referring to the refrigerated stockpile of my own seed in my basement as “high-quality slime.”

  6. Snails are also good for coughing, or so they say.

  7. Someone say snail sex?
    Check out some Flatworm Penis-fencing
    That’s hot!
    We should start an Invertebrate Porn website.

  8. By far the weirdest post I’ve seen here yet.

  9. I have quite a few of these pests in my aquarium. Who knew their slime was the fountain of youth? I’ll smash some up now.

  10. Also, that Mr.Gonzales is quite the entrepreneur isn’t he?

  11. Wormbrain! you’ve really topped my post…. hermaphrodite flatworms fencing with penis swords…wow.

  12. “nursemyra is not bothered by the horns, anything with an erection looks good to me”

    My goodness, a statement like that and no one mentions it.

    Actually, if more women felt that way, we males would enjoy our time here on earth quite a bit more, I should think.

  13. I think none of the regular readers mentioned it because they’re used to hearing that sort of thing around here 🙂

    thanks for biking by….

  14. […] You can read more at the Gimcrack Hospital. […]

  15. It’s all fun and games until someone gets Angiostrongylus …

  16. … ooh I love to learn about a new parasite

  17. ,.just wanna know what are the substances that can be found in snail why it can cure hernia. hoping for your immediate response.

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