shrink wrapped for your convenience

us young(er) folk don’t like to think about geriatric sex too often. it conjurs up some rather unlovely images. but as regular readers know, several gimcrack patients still risk life and limb to do the horizontal polka.

there is a myth that vaginas become loose with age, quite possibly perpetuated by schonky plastic surgeons or men who have problems maintaining a firm erection. while it’s true that elderly women are more prone to prolapses and incontinence, these conditions are not the result of having a “flabby flower”


an absence of estrogen in post menopausal women may mean they take longer to lubricate which would actually make their temple of delight appear tighter. there would be no need to purchase any China Shrink Cream from


Ive had trouble feeling my man due to my looseness and he had trouble as well. Yes, it does fell a little grainy, i noticed a mild acidic scent, but it definately worked for him and I. He was all into me.. However the next morning, i noticed little white clumps in my underwear. But overall its a good product.

nursemyra advises all her elderly patients to adhere to OH&S practices when participating in a hot beef injection. this position is definitely off limits for those with osteoporosis as the risk of broken bones is too high.


a special word of advice for my still fertile female readers. currently your average orgasm yields between 8 and 12 contractions. (nursemyra prefers 12). after menopause the average number of contractions shrinks to between 4 and 5. to maximise the orgasmic contractions you will experience over a lifetime, go have some sex now……….

Published in: on December 23, 2007 at 7:29 am  Comments (12)  

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12 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This position is definitely off limits because of the chopper within reach if the performance isn’t up to scratch!!

  2. Yes ma’am! Thanks for the warning.

  3. I like how that gentleman keeps the lady floating in mid-air by gently holding her ankle.

  4. My the Chinese think of everything …. I never knew that about post menpause O’s……. may god …. boy come here I want to pack a few in before lunch 🙂

  5. I took your last bit of advice “go have some sex right now”. I was rocked so hard I think my uterus is going to fall out.

  6. That’s an interesting position. After the man climaxes he will surely drop the woman on her head, like a piledriver in wrestling. Perhaps this position is to make sure there isn’t any awkward post-coitus pillow talk or cuddling.

  7. Finding cottage cheese in one’s underwear is most upsetting.

  8. I encourage both men and women to exercise their kegel muscles to maximize their orgasmic contractions throughout their years.
    You can contract and relax these muscles anywhere and at anytime. Even as you’re reading.. this….. sentence.

  9. Thank … you.. wormbrain…. for … the … good… advice…

  10. This is the best Public Service Announcement I’ve ever read.

  11. Every time anybody mentions kegels, I can’t help it, I have to do a set immediately. It’s the only time I ever do them. It’s so weird.

  12. hmmmm, I had noticed the reduction in contractions – It also applies to males. Or is that due to some other malefunction err – malfunction?

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