crack a fat

is “cracking a fat” just an australian euphemism for getting an erection or is it a term my overseas readers are familiar with too?

nursemyra has uncovered this sage advice for her overweight patients

Dr. Friedman gives a different set of blueprints for when the man is fat and the woman isn’t. “In this position,” he writes, “the man lies face up over the edge of the bed with his legs together and his feet touching the floor. The woman then stands astride him close to the edge of the bed, and thus is able to make contact with his erect penis.” Either way, with one partner standing and the other lying over the edge of the bed, the standing partner has a lot of options for adjusting the angle of approach. The more furniture, the more options.


Positioning is not generally a problem in oral sex, though I am reminded of a cartoon in which a fat couple is advised by a sex therapist that “you can do six, and you can do nine, but 69 is pretty much out of the question.” It might also help to avoid a partner with claustrophobic tendencies.


Some men swear that the sensation of having the penis fondled by a woman’s cleavage is the closest thing to heaven on earth. Fat women have cleavage everywhere.


nursemyra has frontal cleavage though needs to exercise her glutes a bit more to get peachy ass cleavage like femdomnurse above. but for variety I guess I could always make do with my pit cleavage

Published in: on January 2, 2008 at 8:06 am  Comments (18)  

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18 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. A reader of mine in Melbourne mentioned ‘a baboon with a semi-mongrel’. He was talking about a picture I had posted. What do you think of bust relief with oil on the boobies. It’s safe sex, right?

  2. ‘Cracking a fat’ I have heard a lot of expressions to describe it (being such a lady I couldn’t possibly put them down in print hee hee) but that one certainly hasn’t hit up North in the UK !

  3. I once dated a girl who was so fat, I had to strap a board on my butt sideways to keep from falling into the chasm. She was so bloody wide, I had to throw in liver for shims.

    Thanks for reminding me of the good ol’ days. >sigh<

  4. Never heard that one in the states, but i like it – descriptive, festive and a bit enticing! i’m sure there are many more – are you collecting them from your readers?

  5. Nope, that’s not an expression I’ve heard before in the US. It’s very close to “getting a chub,” though.

  6. “The more furniture, the more options.” Ah, words to live by.

  7. welcome daisyfay. I like your avatar, do you have a blog too?

    ghosty: Chubb is a security firm in Oz. they make safes. maybe they could branch out into chastity belts

    tony: you want that as your motto? it’s yours 🙂

  8. “a woman’s cleavage is the closest thing to heaven on earth”….couldn’t have said it better myself! Well, maybe I could have – but you said it first!
    I do hope to wander DownUnder and meet you someday!

  9. Nursemyra – yes, i’ve got a blog (brand new) but can’t figure out how to link it to my name. I’ve admired your writing for months (found you through penfold, whom was discovered via Big Blogger) and just love your magic touch…

    Your approach to ‘blog as therapy’ inspired me to tackle this for 2008. God knows, it’s cheaper than hiring a pro, and i can say what’s really on my mind in the blogosphere.

    i’ll drop a comment here and there….

  10. Fat people need love too. I’ve never bumped an ugly with a fatty, but I imagine it would be like screwing a propetual motion machine.

  11. Next time I’m in the market for a new bed, I’m going to insist that it comes with those straps already built into it. And then I’ll probably be banned from the store because I am a very demanding consumer. And when I say “demanding” I mean “verbally abusive.”

  12. ok renalfailure, that will go down on your 3020

    shall I tick the box marked at risk of wandering too?

  13. Never heard of that one either – I think you should post a list of other Aussie euphemisms so I can surprise an Aussie vet I know with a few choice ones – not when he has his hand up the back end, mind you. And that’s the cow’s – not mine I should point out. Wish I hadn’t started this – just wanted to wish you HNY … PS watched Jindabyne the other night – what a bleak film … simultaneously riveting and depressing.

  14. did you find it depressing? well you won’t want to watch an aussie film called The Boys then. I’ve already told you peter from was the sound designer for jindabyne haven’t I?

    as for aussisms. have you heard of “rock out with your cock out” for going out to have a good time?

  15. Well, the ladies say my hands are prone to wandering.

  16. Wow N.M
    There sure are a lot of comments on this post.
    You oshould to turn them into one long post…with pictures.
    That’s what I’d do.
    But I’m lazy
    anita marie

  17. I have not heard that term but now want to use it. I like it.

    Cleavage is wonderful in the manner you described but it’s not everything.

  18. which one do you like the best – crack a fat or rock out with your cock out?

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