super soft word power

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prescribing medicine can be a hit and miss affair. what works for some doesn’t work for others, and there’s always the placebo effect to take into account. if a patient believes something will work, it often does, even when there’s no known medical reason for it to do so. Robert Lawrence included a chapter on this in his book,  Primitive Psycho-Therapy and Quackery (1910)

In a “Book of Counsels to Young Practitioners” (1300) are to be found some interesting items regarding contemporary manners. Fledgling doctors are therein advised to make use of long and unintelligible words, and never to visit a patient without doing something new. In brief, a reputation for infallibility must be maintained.

when a Chinese physician cannot procure the drugs which he desires in a particular case, he writes the names of these drugs on a piece of paper, which the patient is expected to eat;[50:2] and this mode of treatment is considered quite as satisfactory as the swallowing of the medicine itself.

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Dr. John Brown of Edinburgh (1810-1882) reported the case of a laboring man affected with colic, for whom he prescribed some medicine, directing him to “take it and return in a fortnight,” assuring him that he would soon be quite well. At the appointed time the man returned, entirely relieved and jubilant. The doctor was gratified at the manifest improvement in his patient’s condition, and asked to see the prescription which he had given him; whereupon the man explained that he had “taken” it, as he had understood the directions, by swallowing the paper.

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I don’t advocate the eating of paper, prescriptive or otherwise. if your doctor prescribes a medication, be sure to ask about contraindications and possible side effects. if in doubt, seek a second opinion. just think of me as the guardian angel of your health and remember to follow my advice. especially when I tell you to use the soft paper.

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Published in: on March 20, 2008 at 8:29 am  Comments (15)  

cranial capacity

nursemyra has been reading “Medicine Simplified” by R V Pierce MD. the good doctor puts me in mind of a character you might meet while in the company of Lord Likely.

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this is what he has to say about brain size and his belief that it differs from race to race as well as between professions.

Race. CUBIC INCHES.
Swedes, 100.00
Anglo-Saxons, 96.60
Finns, 95.00
Anglo-Americans, 94.30
Esquimaux, 86.32
North America Indians, 84.00
Native Africans, 83.70
Mexicans, 81.70
American Negros, 80.80
Peruvians and Hottentots, 75.30
Australians, 75.00
Gorilla, adult, 34.50
Idiot, 22.57

OUNCES

The brain of Cuvier, the celebrated naturalist, weighed 64.33
Ruloff, the murderer and linguist, 59.00
Dr. Spurzheim—phrenologist, 55.06
Celebrated philologist, 47.90
Celebrated mineralogist, 43.24
Upholsterer, 40.91

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He also has some interesting theories about exercise.

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Base Ball, Cricket, Boxing, and Fencing, are all manly exercises when practiced solely with a view to their hygienic advantages and as such have our approval

If one were asked what athletic exercise deserves to be the most popular in America to-day, the answer would of necessity be cycling. The bicycle is being used by people of all ages and conditions; its hygienic value as a means to healthy exercise cannot be overestimated. In spite of the quickened motion of the heart, rarely have riders been known to grow giddy or show symptoms of cardiac embarrassment.

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Dancing. Notwithstanding the fact that dancing has been perverted to the basest purposes, has been made the fruitful source of dissipation, and has often laid the foundation for disease, it is yet capable of being made to minister to health and happiness.

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if you’d like to see more of this teaser in a tutu go here but make sure you’re only motivated by health and happiness. there’s no telling when “cardiac embarrassment” might rear its ugly head…..

Published in: on March 18, 2008 at 10:55 am  Comments (19)  

hypogonadism

women aren’t the only sex to go through mid life changes. men have a menopausal equivalent known as andropause

 A reliable diagnostic sign that a man is low in testosterone is the loss of morning erections. There will also be physical changes associated with andropause, such as loss of hair in the armpits and axilla, shirking of the testicles, lessening of muscle mass, and also decreased muscle strength.

personally, I don’t think testicles should be allowed to do any shirking. this could be a typo, the writer probably meant to say ‘shrinking’.  of course, not all shrinking is because of andropause. sometimes it’s just the cremaster muscle being overzealous, drawing the testis closer to the body to prevent heat loss. incidentally, the cremaster is one of nursemyra’s favourite muscles, I like the way the word rolls off my tongue.

I’m also a fan of the Cremaster Cycle films of Matthew Barney. so many wonderful images to choose from I hardly know where to start

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if you’d like to test the efficiency of your cremaster muscle here’s a simple test:

Clinically, a reflex arc can be demonstrated by lightly stroking the skin of the inner thigh downwards from the hip towards the knee. This causes the cremaster muscle on the same side to rapidly contract, raising that testicle. This so called cremasteric reflex is much more pronounced in boys than in men.

and if you want to keep your cremaster in tip top shape, keep doing those kegel exercises that nursemyra nags you about. I’ve heard that even daddyp does them occasionally

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Published in: on March 17, 2008 at 7:49 am  Comments (25)  

radiate as directed

back in the thirties people believed radium was good for your health. it was added to water, bread and toothpaste. some hardy souls were even persuaded to stick it up their rectum.

they were probably the same people who thought wearing a radiendocrinator would also be a good idea.

It was intended to be placed over the endocrine glands, “which have so masterful a control over life and bodily health.” As one example of its use, men were advised as follows:

place Radiendocrinator in the pocket of this adaptor with the window upward towards the body. wear adaptor like any athletic strap. this puts the unit under the scrotum as it should be. wear at night and radiate as directed.

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image and information sourced here

Published in: on March 16, 2008 at 9:25 am  Comments (22)  

volunteers for humanity

Nascher coined the term Geriatrics back in 1914. He reported the common view of the elderly’s appearance as “generally unaesthetic, their actions objectionable, their very existence often an incubus on those who in a spirit of humanity take upon themselves the care of the aged.”

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before the band became famous, the only incubus I’d heard of was Fuseli’s.

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apparently, Fuseli ate a lot of pork chops to provide him with nightmarish dreams. when I read that, I took pork off the gimcrack’s menu. our geriatrics are nightmarish enough already.

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but let’s go back to the incubus. according to mythology, it is a demon lover who has sex with sleeping women to drain their energy. this could explain nursemyra’s current state of exhaustion. the only sure way of identifying an incubus is to test the temperature of his penis which is always cold

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I’m not quite sure how I’ll do that while I’m sleeping. though perhaps if I had one or two volunteers to practise upon when I’m awake…..

Published in: on March 15, 2008 at 7:32 am  Comments (18)  

asian friday

Ricardo has suggested an asian theme for this week’s corset friday. I do have a lovely red and black chinese corset but thought I’d show you something else today instead.

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I’ve been to vietnam several times and every visit I find myself getting measured up for another ao dai. the national dress of vietnam is one of the most flattering and sensual outfits ever designed. when worn with the matching or contrasting wide legged silk pants, the only bare flesh visible (apart from face, hands and neck) is a tiny triangle on either side of the waist. they are always made to measure and are as tight as a second skin over the bust and arms so every curve is accentuated yet nothing revealed.

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unless you swap the pants for a pair of stockings…….

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Published in: on March 14, 2008 at 8:46 am  Comments (23)  

the blind leading the blind

macular degeneration is an eye disease that affects many older people.

The need for increased illumination, sensitivity to glare, decreased night vision and poor colour sensitivity may indicate that there is something wrong.

you can check for symptoms by using an Amsler Grid. early detection is best so if you find you need to use one of these then get yourself to an ophthalmologist quicksmart

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HELLOOOOOO IN THEEEEERE!” Finally we can solve that age-old question of what IS actually IN the vagina! Up until now I’ve been afraid to have sex because my Mom told me that there was a Vagina Monster in my crotch, that would come out and eat the pee pee of any guy trying to have sex with me. I’m happy to report that that ISN’T the truth, though it is a shame I spent the first half of my life as a lonely virgin. Now, let me tell you a little about this fine product.This Oral Sex Light was invented by a couple in Kentucky. They live deep within the Mammoth Caves and they both have very distinct albino qualities. This was the only way for them to finally get to give each other oral sex. They were so happy. Before they figured out how to use the light, it was a mess. She was riding stalagmites and he never got to get off.

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it is not my intention to make fun of albino people here. I love the wild hair and moustache in the image above and the man in this one below is really rather exotic and attractive. he reminds me of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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you can see more wonderful photographs of some very special people here. Mr and Mrs Tom Thumb look very happy and not at all in need of an Oral Sex Light…..

Published in: on March 12, 2008 at 6:34 am  Comments (25)  

pudding

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nursemyra does not clean up vomit. actually I don’t clean up any body waste products, we have traineenurse to do that. if I see/hear/smell vomit I have to quickly head in another direction lest I lose my lunch also. perhaps that’s why I’m an administrator rather than a ward nurse.

today I came a little too close to a patient who appeared to be coughing but you know what those leaky old people are like. she changed her mind on a whim and disgorged what looked like spotted dick. the pudding of course. if you want to look at the other type of spotted dick you can go here.

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click on image for animation

luckily for sick people, not all medical professionals are as queasy about these things as nursemyra. Stubbins Ffirth went way beyond the call of duty when he tried to prove that yellow fever was not contagious.

Ffirth decided to bring himself into direct contact with bodily fluids from those that had become infected. He started to make incisions on his arms and smeared vomit into the cuts, then proceeded to pour it onto his eyeballs.[4] He continued to try and infect himself using infected vomit by frying it and inhaling the fumes,[5] and, when he did not become ill, drank it undiluted.

unfortunately he was wrong but at least he had fun trying to prove his theory.

you’ll probably appreciate a segue back to sweet things after reading about intrepid Mr Stubbins. here’s a picture of a 17th century sausage pudding forcer

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and here’s what Henry Carey (1687-1743) had to say about desserts and doctors

The Physicians, though they cry out so much against Cooks and Cookery, yet are but Cooks themselves; with this difference only – the Cook’s Pudding lengthens life – the Physician’s shortens it: so that we live and die by pudding – For what is an Enema but a Bag Pudding – a Pill but a Dumpling –  a Medication but a Tanzy, though not altogether so toothsome.*

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*doctors don’t administer enemas at the gimcrack. that’s a job for the nurses.

Published in: on March 11, 2008 at 8:48 am  Comments (15)  

talk turkey to me

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we’re going a little off track here today. no gimcrack news so the fallback topic du jour is turkey sex. you may already be familiar with the results of Schein and Hale’s experiment.

While researching the sexual behaviour of turkeys, Schein and Hale discovered that male members of that species truly are not fussy. When placed in a room with a lifelike model of a female turkey, the birds mated with it as eagerly as they would the real thing.

Intrigued by this observation, Schein and Hale embarked on a series of experiments to determine the minimum stimulus it takes to excite a male turkey. This involved removing parts from the turkey model one by one until the male bird eventually lost interest.

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Tail, feet and wings – Schein and Hale removed them all, but still the clueless bird waddled up to the model, let out an amorous gobble, and tried to do his thing. Finally, only a head on a stick remained. The male turkey was still keen. In fact, it preferred a head on a stick to a headless body.

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female turkeys, like their human counterparts, are fussier than males.

When the tom turkey gets close enough, you’ve got to change your turkey call to a purr It’s not so much the pitch as it is the rhythm.

But apparently the single most attractive feature to females is not a male’s power suit or macho strut but his snood–a fleshy appendage above his beak that can stretch to twice its ordinary length during courtship.

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ah yes, nothing quite like a lengthy fleshy snood………

Published in: on March 10, 2008 at 7:43 am  Comments (20)  

driving nursemyra to drink

yesterday wordpress was doing some “maintenance” which resulted in three days worth of nursemyra’s posts being published at once. judging by the lack of comments most readers only saw the post at the top and haven’t scrolled down.

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so today I got nuttin’ new to say. the stress of seeing three days writing gobbled up at once has left me with a powerful urge to drown my sorrows in drink. to all my regular readers, if you want more stories tomorrow, please leave a comment on one of the sadly ignored tales from yesterday. save nursemyra from the alcohol tree.

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Published in: on March 9, 2008 at 6:18 am  Comments (20)