iatromathematics

ever thought you’d like a career in medicine but haven’t got time to earn a degree? perhaps you could consider iatromathematics aka the diagnosis of disease via astrology.  here’s a condensed peep at the stars

Aries: Under planetary afflictions these people are subject to brain fever, dizziness, nosebleed, neuralgia, inflammation of the cerebral hemispheres, and diseases of the brain. They frequently suffer from a rush of blood to the head.

Taurus: When a Taurean contracts a disease, he holds on to it tenaciously. He has great fear of sickness, and on account of this fear he makes a poor doctor or nurse. The Taurean has a tendency to take on flesh in middle life. Being short and thickest as a rule, he becomes very fleshy about the neck.

Gemini: The Gemini person is subject to nervous troubles. Gemini being one of the common signs, a person born with this sign rising is often very careless of his health and habits

Cancer: The afflictions which may be classed under the sign of Cancer are indigestion, hiccough, flatulency, dropsy, and sclerosis. Cancer people are very fond of food and are usually hearty eaters.

gay_porn_plant_blowjob.jpg

Leo: They suffer frequently with disturbance of the spleen, which has an effect upon the activities of the blood, causing an excess of white blood corpuscles, which are destroyers and not policemen of the blood stream as medical science claims.

Virgo: When Virgo people once get into the clutches of sickness, they are apt to become chronic invalids. Therefore though such people make excellent nurses, they should be advised against this vocation and avoid sick rooms and hospitals, for they are like sponges and ever ready to take on the disease of their patients.

Libra: The afflictions from which the Libran is most likely to suffer are Bright’s disease, lumbago, disturbed urine.

Scorpio: There is often a cruel and tyrannical streak in the Scorpio, and the desire nature is strong, sometimes sensual. Low desires often bring excesses, which may cause the following diseases: syphilis, hernia, scurvy, fistula, piles, inflammation and falling of the womb, uterine troubles, stricture of the prostate gland, and nasal catarrh.

male_catheter.jpg

Sagittarius: The Sagittarian diseases are locomotor ataxia, sciatica, rheumatism, and hip disease.

Capricorn: The diseases to which Capricorn is subject are eczema, syphilis, leprosy; also dislocation of the bones.

syphilis-could-have-ruined.jpg

  Aquarius: Aquarius is under the rule of two planets, the melancholy, fearful, and overanxious Saturn and the impulsive, heedless, emotional, and hysterical Uranus.

Pisces: Do not allow anyone who is of a too sympathetic nature to visit the Piscean while he is ill. He should be placed in a very cheerful room, with a cheerful attendant, and a sign on the door, “No sympathetic visitors allowed.” The Piscean is prone to drift into the habit of drink and the use of narcotics. On account of their fondness for good food and an easy life, Piscean people are subject to gout and the swelling of the feet.

lashschiropody.jpg

Virgo is in italics because nursemyra was born under that sign. it’a more than a little worrying that according to iatromathematics I have made the worst career choice possible. my patients are incontinent, arthritic, deaf, drooling and demented. at this stage I am none of these things but it’s only a matter of time before my spongelike persona starts manifesting symptoms.

I need to dress in an impermeable material from head to toe to prevent this calamity.

pupett.jpg

Published in: on May 6, 2008 at 8:30 am  Comments (35)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://nursemyra.wordpress.com/2008/05/06/iatromathematics/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

35 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. omg…what a perfect description!I am a Taurus! true I get totally hypocondriac when it comes to illnesses…I make a very poor nurse and run a mile at the spot of blood…motherhood did not change a thing…I am a bit worried about you now…

  2. ‘hysterical Uranus’lol whilst having overanxious rings … of Saturn that is! Explains so much *snigger* 😀

  3. Apart from saying that Geminis are common, tut!, that’s a scarily accurate description! Good to have you back, NM.

  4. You’ve been hanging around Pisceans a lot, haven’t you?

  5. Oh god. Is that a catheter practising thingie? Eep.

    hi dolceii – do you have a blog I can visit?

  6. The Prostate Dummy (great name for a band, by the way) – can’t really train medical students. He has no head to turn, and obviously can’t cough!

  7. Scorpio: There is often a cruel and tyrannical streak in the Scorpio, and the desire nature is strong, sometimes sensual. Low desires often bring excesses, which may cause the following diseases: syphilis, hernia, scurvy, fistula, piles, inflammation and falling of the womb, uterine troubles, stricture of the prostate gland, and nasal catarrh.

    Is this why I’m in such a state? Oh dear …… and I was soooooo looking forward to your return.

  8. As a Capricornian I am normally called a silly old goat – should I now be called a syphilitic old goat? btw, yep – my knees give me a lot of trouble!

  9. If I studied this, would I be able to ask women to undress so I could examine them? Not that I don’t do that already, but as a “Doctor of Iatromathematics”, it might actually work for once…

  10. absolutely – http://www.livingladolcevita.wordpress.com …though why wordpress won’t let you automatically link, I donno.

    Sydney hey? I lived in Melbourne for a year, but started my Australian adventure in Glebe, of your fair city. Bloody fabulous.

    I spend a fair bit of time in Glebe too. great bookshops, cafes and the market’s not too bad either. not as good as it used to be but still has the odd bargain

  11. After reading my prospects as a Virgo, it’s a good thing I fastidiously avoid the sick.

  12. OMG UK! You’re a Virgo too? Hmmm, that explains much.

    Iatromathematics is not that accurate, methinks. As someone of the virgoian persuasion I do not “soak up” the illnesses of others. And a career in medicine never, ever interested me. I’m just not that into the bodily fluids of others. Yech!

  13. Very cheery. I know a few Virgos (dad, hubby, brother-in-law). With my Dad this seems to be true, so now I must take care with husband though btwn me and his DR neither of us have been able to overcome his exercise resistance. Of course Virgos are blessed with inhuman stamina which makes them overconfident (men anyway).

    Me? Bad hip and scatica were a gift that came along with motherhood. I don’t know what the ataxia is and prefer not to.

  14. annie, if you type ataxia into my search engine you’ll soon find out 🙂

  15. And I thought being a Virgo just made you horny

  16. Nurse! A month without a pretty nurse has taken it’s toll! Damn the sympathy, just bring the Piscean his drink and narcotics, and a double helping of good food and easy living please!

    … damn, I was so sure that would work. *keeps pushing the call button* …

  17. Hi Nursie,

    Regarding the image-upload issues you had, I can recommend Flickr (25USD/year) for a pro account, very easy uploading and using for the blog.

    Jan

  18. Lower back pain, I’ve got in spades (degenerative disc disease).

    Bright’s disease? God, I hope never to be so afflicted!

    Disturbed urine? WTF is that? Sounds horrible!

    You’ve certainly given all your hypochondriac fans some fun things to ponder. 🙂

  19. welcome back nursie, as another virgo i can attest to hardly ever contracting illness but i do find i end up hungover when i hang out with drunks.

  20. As an Aquarius, it’s a damn miracle that I even leave the house. It’s then a bigger miracle that I live long enough to return to that house.

  21. Disturbed urine…. hmm. Disturbed sleep I have for sure, but my urine seems undisturbed for the most part. And I don’t have Bright’s Disease, although I guess there’s still time for that.

  22. Maybe that explains why my Virgo ex always had to be sick the same time I was. It doesn’t explain why this Sag was a nurse in a previous life. The only time I had locomotor ataxia is when I was taking Paxil.

  23. So I can look forward to becoming a syphilitic leper with eczema and dislocated bones.

    How can you tell when a leper has eczema?

  24. Being a Scorpio Sucks.
    🙂

  25. i was convinced it was the slab of beer that my [now ex] partner drank each day that caused the thickset, thick-necked look…but no, it’s a taurean thing!

  26. Hi Nursemyra…I am an aries and suffer not one of the said afflictions……..and I can find no likeness in any of the other ‘sick star signs’ either…..therefore I must be an alien come to visit…. the ‘Cosmic Queen’ maybe?….Nice to see you’re back.

  27. hey boat tart – great to hear from you again! when are you going to start up that promised blog?

  28. When I’m no longer in charge of my own business and ‘time’ is not that space I fall asleep in……..

  29. Box.net is also very good, as you can upload any type of file and collaborate with others as you please. It’s also free.

  30. hey tobymarx, thanks for the tip. I’ve worked out my initial problem with wordpress’ new setup, I had to clear my cache and cookies.

    box.net looks like a very good site though, I’ve bookmarked it for future use.

  31. Nurse Myra,

    A belated welcome back.

    Now, I’m a Cancer-Leo cusp, and read that passage with interest. Yep, I got a bit from both ends, as it were; a splenetic personality on one hand, sclerosis and a huge appetite on the other.

    But I was more interested in the charming illustration you posted between the two. It seems like the perfect choice. The noble older gentleman in a proud Leonine pose, and the Cancer guy eating heartily.

    Tschüß

  32. headbang8 – how lovely of you to drop by. I see you’re doing some gadding about in princeton, lucky you.

    and I’m so glad you noticed the charming illustration. I’m dedicating it to your Master Right..

    🙂

  33. Now you tell me! I’m a Virgo! I think I’ll change signs just to be on the safe side of the bed – Take Care!

  34. hi peter – have you ever done a headcount of the number of virgos in your department. we’re “virgo-heavy” at the gimcrack. very light on aquarians.

  35. Hi! No I haven’t actually. I have enough trouble keeping my head above water at the best of times! Take Care – Peter


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: