iatromathematics

ever thought you’d like a career in medicine but haven’t got time to earn a degree? perhaps you could consider iatromathematics aka the diagnosis of disease via astrology.  here’s a condensed peep at the stars

Aries: Under planetary afflictions these people are subject to brain fever, dizziness, nosebleed, neuralgia, inflammation of the cerebral hemispheres, and diseases of the brain. They frequently suffer from a rush of blood to the head.

Taurus: When a Taurean contracts a disease, he holds on to it tenaciously. He has great fear of sickness, and on account of this fear he makes a poor doctor or nurse. The Taurean has a tendency to take on flesh in middle life. Being short and thickest as a rule, he becomes very fleshy about the neck.

Gemini: The Gemini person is subject to nervous troubles. Gemini being one of the common signs, a person born with this sign rising is often very careless of his health and habits

Cancer: The afflictions which may be classed under the sign of Cancer are indigestion, hiccough, flatulency, dropsy, and sclerosis. Cancer people are very fond of food and are usually hearty eaters.

Leo: They suffer frequently with disturbance of the spleen, which has an effect upon the activities of the blood, causing an excess of white blood corpuscles, which are destroyers and not policemen of the blood stream as medical science claims.

Virgo: When Virgo people once get into the clutches of sickness, they are apt to become chronic invalids. Therefore though such people make excellent nurses, they should be advised against this vocation and avoid sick rooms and hospitals, for they are like sponges and ever ready to take on the disease of their patients.

Libra: The afflictions from which the Libran is most likely to suffer are Bright’s disease, lumbago, disturbed urine.

Scorpio: There is often a cruel and tyrannical streak in the Scorpio, and the desire nature is strong, sometimes sensual. Low desires often bring excesses, which may cause the following diseases: syphilis, hernia, scurvy, fistula, piles, inflammation and falling of the womb, uterine troubles, stricture of the prostate gland, and nasal catarrh.

Sagittarius: The Sagittarian diseases are locomotor ataxia, sciatica, rheumatism, and hip disease.

Capricorn: The diseases to which Capricorn is subject are eczema, syphilis, leprosy; also dislocation of the bones.

  Aquarius: Aquarius is under the rule of two planets, the melancholy, fearful, and overanxious Saturn and the impulsive, heedless, emotional, and hysterical Uranus.

Pisces: Do not allow anyone who is of a too sympathetic nature to visit the Piscean while he is ill. He should be placed in a very cheerful room, with a cheerful attendant, and a sign on the door, “No sympathetic visitors allowed.” The Piscean is prone to drift into the habit of drink and the use of narcotics. On account of their fondness for good food and an easy life, Piscean people are subject to gout and the swelling of the feet.

Virgo is in italics because nursemyra was born under that sign. it’a more than a little worrying that according to iatromathematics I have made the worst career choice possible. my patients are incontinent, arthritic, deaf, drooling and demented. at this stage I am none of these things but it’s only a matter of time before my spongelike persona starts manifesting symptoms.

I need to dress in an impermeable material from head to toe to prevent this calamity.