can I get a witness?

nursemyra has been researching radionic devices. I like the look of this “very astonishing” Salomon board

Because a patient’s data is measured in the form of frequencies, a bit like radio waves, it is not essential for patient and practitioner to be in the same place. Normally if a practitioner has a “witness” sample, usually a specimen of a patient’s hair or handwriting, it is quite possible to make a diagnosis. Using the unique frequencies found in a person’s witness samples, the actual person can be pinpointed and analysed at a distance.

Once a medical problem has been detected it is equally possible to transmit radionic healing vibrations back to the patient.

The rmf phyton is another amazing insrument. its chiblock features 8 minor scalar coils arranged in magnetron comfiguration with 3 major scalar generator assemblies and 1 orgone screamer scalar coil assembly, a main Meta-Mind proprietary scalar and linear coil assembly wound around a handpicked specially selected Single Terminated collimating crystal with hugh voltage chiblock pulser (no puny 5 or 8 volt pulsers). 

what does all this mean? nursemyra is not sure but according to the website “even a small glimmmer of hope of your wish will be amplified astronomically”

personally I’d want to hold out for the extras like an upcoming Meta-Mind Psionic Amplifying Helmet which will assist you to make contact with disembodied entities (dead people)!

Or maybe experiment with the screamer to send lusty dreams to your friends. Set the trend circuitry to “Cause Uncontrollable Lust.”  Plug in the audio of your dvd/vcr player (playing hetero or gay porn)  and visualise your target moaning uncontrollably.

if you’re at all sceptical about the power of the RMF Phyton this link takes you to a picture of it which you can cover with your hand to feel the energy pouring out though sometimes the machine pictured is turned off for various reasons.

oh, and by the way, once you receive your fabulous machine in the post, don’t forget to utilise the “World Peace” function too. that’s if you can drag yourself away from the “Cause Uncontrollable Lust” button.

Published in: on May 29, 2008 at 9:44 am  Comments (25)  

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  1. I’m sure that at least one of our Library patrons has a Meta-Mind Psionic Amplifying Helmet. I just know it.

  2. fantastic! I’m heading over to your library now….

  3. The patented Toaster in the Bath (TM) device will also “assist you to make contact with disembodied entities”. Unfortunately, it has a one-use limit.

  4. I hear if you where that Amplifying Psionic Helmet on a date, the ladies will swoon into your arms in fits of orgasmic lust…

    No…wait…that was last night’s dream. Shit… Better go find that Toaster in the Bath (TM) kyknoord was selling… there’s no hope for me.

  5. Wonder if the Salomon Board can cure a bad case of medical charlatanism?

    And i thought Fisher Price had marketed the “Bathtub Toaster” (TM) for children? Along with the “Dr Kevorkian Good Night Grampa” medical play set and the “Junior Scientist Outlet Explorer” kit?

  6. I have an inbuilt screamer for whenever I have an orgone.

  7. And only $1300USD for the wonderful rmf phyton! A bargain!

    In combination with the Penisizer, it will surely blow your load “mind” (you know, that thing that keeps the sides of your skull from banging together when you’re jogging).

    hey tobymarx, the link doesn’t work. do you wanna try again?

  8. Freaks will make everyone think Jews are as whacky as Scientologists…

  9. Awesome. Now, only one question remains: how do I get this thing to work with my iPod?

    hey dean welcome to the gimcrack. I’m not going to tell you how to attach it to your ipod until I can be sure your intentions are not evil,,,,

  10. You already “Cause Uncontrollable Lust” every Friday!

  11. You can laugh as much as you all want. MINE IS working FINE and I don’t know what my life would be without it. Oh well I’m off to hit the sack, so many dreams so little time.

  12. I’ve made my own, out of tin foil.

  13. Can I get one with a World Uncontrollable Lust setting? I think the world could stand to use a day or two of that.

  14. ‘“Curiouser and curiouser!” Cried Alice & 70s 🙂

  15. Sorry about that broken link. I didn’t take the time to transliterate Cyrillic to Latin, but it’s still amusing. Here again, The Penisizer.

  16. You forgot to mention that the two paperweights*… er… crystal pyramids on the RMF-Phyton cost an extra $80. That puts it out of my price range I’m afraid. I’m only prepared to go so far for World Peace.

    *Their word, in fact. Surprising to see such balloonheads being so honest.

    shame on you reverend – world peace is worth the extra $80.00. just ask peter popoff

  17. Oh, and not to be pedantic or anything (moi?) – because I tried a copy/paste on their dumb site too and realised I’d need to type in everything I wanted to quote – but when you say ‘hugh’ voltage, is that Hugh Hefner or Hugh Grant? Or just a typo?

    (‘Cause Hefner Voltage at least has proved longevity, so that might be an impressive credential…)

  18. Damn machine was turned off when I tried…just my luck-

    No matter, I ordered the CD just for the Solfeggio tones. Score!

    -The Rev.

  19. Reminds me of my designs for my ‘ultra mask’ made from 6 aa batteries and some melon rinds a few paper clips and ‘good’ thoughts. Wasnt quite as effective as I would have hoped.

  20. would that be rockmelon or watermelon? that could be the deal breaker

  21. If you’ve already got Uncontrollable Lust, then world peace is pretty much a good second, nes pas?

  22. Oh, and I got this today and thought of our very own Nurse M:

    A very tired nurse walks into a bank,totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

    Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

    When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:

    ‘Well, that’s great….that’s just great…some asshole’s got my pen!’

  23. hahahaha that’s great. and it’s given me an idea for the next competition I might run too.

  24. The Solomon board looks like something you could pick up at a really bad arts and crafts show. And at that high price, I’ll stick to conventional medicine.

    Causing uncontrollable lust? I have it only for you nursemyra.

  25. Rock Melon of course… Water Melon? what were you thinking nurse…

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