daisyfae has arrived in seville! azahar, who takes her hostess duties very seriously, took us to a wonderful tapas bar for lunch and lubricated our wheels slightly with beer and wine. here are the results…..
nursemyra is holidaying in spain and should be out enjoying the sights but it´s so hot on seville that I´m staying put in an internet cafe for a while which gives me a chance to write about something I saw at singapore airport.
the laws which banish sharp instruments and minimise the amount of liquid you can take on a plane are very well publicised in australia, presumably in britain and the usa as well. maybe not so much in singapore? the family in the queue in front of me were putting their hand luggage through the x ray machine. first the grandmother had a litre of water confiscated, then the mother was found to have been carrying a litre of water as well. both little girls had large pairs of scissors in their backpacks and bottles of drink too.
mamasan was incensed that these items had to be confiscated and demanded the right to drink the liquids so as not to waste anything. the scanners let the rest of us through and nursemyra settled down in the departure lounge to watch the show.
we had to wait a while. the two little girls took quite some time to drink their bottles yet grandma was only half way through hers by the time they´d finished. the first boarding call was announced and mamasan was trying to hurry granny up. nursemyra could have told her it was a bad idea to fill an ageing bladder with that much fluid but I don´t think I was the only one who knew that. when granny was 3/4 finished she took a breather, leaned her hand on a nearby bench, burped once and let loose a torrent of pee.
I don´t know what mamasan was screaming but granny remained unfazed. groundstaff were kindly attentive, whisking her away from her banshee of a daughter and I lost sight of them after that though I hope they made their connection. the rest of my flight was unremarkable apart from the notice I saw at barcelona airport which said if you are travelling with ferrets they must meet with our approval….
anyway, if you have a granny at home wth lots of urine to spare you might consider using NoPoPo batteries to offset some of the costs of her continence pads. I know these things can be expensive but they are more absorbent than ferrets and 100% sure to be approved
nursemyra is taking time out from the geriatric craziness of the gimcrack to offer medical advice to the good bars people of barcelona and sevilla
I was going to do a special “going away on holiday” corset friday shot but my plane leaves in three hours and I’m running out of time. this is a bit of a mish mash but it’s the outtakes from several past corset fridays that didn’t quite make the cut.
I’ll try to blog occasionally while I’m away but this is supposed to be some much needed R & R after a pretty horrendous year so the posts could be sporadic for the next month. in the meantime I think Dolce might do a corset friday and possibly daisyfae too. regular readers know that daisyfae will also succumb to the lure of spain and join me there for margharitas and mayhem serious bookreading in a couple of weeks.
no doubt you’ll read about some of our antics on azahar’s blog………
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While wearing the device, the user can still sit or bow down unobstructedly.
I’m glad they they thought to make them conducive to bowing. nursemyra likes to be acknowledged appropriately as she’s making ward rounds. if they come with inserts for continence aids I’ll be ordering a gross for the gimcrack
classic Taoist texts suggest that men guard against the loss of too much sperm.
Every man should regulate the emission of semen according to his store of vital essence. A young man can afford to ejaculate twice daily, but if frail then once only. A strong man of 30 can afford to do so once a day, whereas a weak man the same age should do so every other day. A strong man of 40 can afford to ejaculate once every 3 days whereas a weaker man once every 4 days.”
“if a man can couple with twenty women and yet have no emission he will be fit and of perfect complexion when in old age”
the Mystery-Penetrating Master says there are but 30 main positions (The Reversed Flying Widgeon and The Cat and The Mouse Sharing One Cage being two of these) for consummating sexual union. Chinese men were advised to copulate with at least ten women in a single night, but only to ejaculate once or twice. intercourse with one woman might strengthen their vital essence, with two their sight and hearing would improve, but with three or more all of the seven aches and the one hundred diseases could be cured.
artwork by steven heller
to stave off orgasm, manuals gave detailed and arduous prescriptions such as “flap your arms, glare angrily, roll your eyes, prod yourself between anus and scrotum, inhale and exhale deeply while gnashing your teeth”.
well that sounds attractive! I’m sure I’d have no trouble getting off with a partner who flapped, glared and prodded himself. might have to draw the line at that inhale/exhale thing though.
in the six and a half years I’ve worked at the gimcrack we’ve had maybe 50 or so false fire alarms. today I was having lunch in the cafe across the road with the art therapist when we heard a fire alarm.
“that sounds like it’s coming from the gimcrack” said the AT.
“doubt it. I’ve just been reading up on ventriloquism. apparently the human ear is not very good at gauging where sound is coming from unless there are visual clues. so you just think it’s coming from the gimcrack because you expect it to be. it’s probably the backpacker hotel on the corner.”
we carry on eating and ignoring the alarm.
“would you call a conga line of patients a visual clue?” asked the AT
I glance up to see a gaggle of old ladies spilling out onto the footpath as three fire engines come hurtling down the road.
not only is it our alarm, there is an actual fire in the dementia unit and part of the building is being evacuated. Sixteen (count ’em) fireys are on site, some carrying patients down stairs into the garden while others grapple with the blaze which started in a dryer and has engulfed the laundry on that floor.
it’s fucking mayhem and my eyes start hurting immediately, not from the smoke but from the sight of twenty or so geriatric crazies who have DRESSED THEMSELVES and are now visible in BROAD DAYLIGHT. their various ensembles included two capes, one fez, a teenage mutant ninja turtles scarf, pink fluoro socks, tartan plus fours, a mohair cardigan with 80s shoulder pads and a “Save the Whales” t-shirt.
artwork by Gilles Barbier
several are carrying things, possibly because those items were close at hand when they got swept up by a 6 foot finely sculpted muscular a firey, or possibly because they couldn’t live without 1) a plastic bag full of tomato sauce sachets, 2) a pot plant, 3) an empty urine sample container, 4) a bible, 5) a golliwog, 6) a roll of toilet paper and 7) a fish slice.
we herd them all behind a fence into a secluded leafy part of the garden and let the experts do their job. the fire is extinguished, mess mopped up, laundry under lock and key and things are looking good until the chief says “lot of smoke residue still, bad for the lungs. you may have to close that ward until tomorrow, find other beds for them tonight”
there are no other beds. nursemyra has been filling all vacancies with respite patients because hey I’m going on holidays at the end of the week….. “if we have to take them home with us, I’ll take J & S because they’re both still continent” says traineenurse.
“if we have to take them home with us…….?!?!?” nursemyra nearly swoons but the fireys are already leaving so there’s no point. instead I send all available staff on a hunt for electric fans and we open every window and door, and create a gale up there to rival Katrina. three hours later a nifty little gadget that measures air quality tells us we can pack ’em back in.
I leave the gimcrack on time and unaccompanied by any incompetent sphincters. I do however find a fish slice in my handbag.
so how was your day?
*** apologies to Tim O’Brien
nursemyra is reading Pink Samurai by Nicholas Bornoff. on page 70 he talks about “mildly pornographic” magazines for adolescents.
“in the absence of adequate programmes in schools and reticence to bring up such matters in the home, they are seen by many as a substitute for sex education. In a magazine called “Otanko High School Girls” there was a feature called “How to Sex – Miss Manami’s Sex Lecture”
Miss Manami, a lascivious little wench gives instructions in words and step by step photographs. For lessons such as “The Skills of Taking it in the Mouth” she uses a banana, and in “Do You understand Tampons?” she dispels any doubts about their function by pressing them against the clinical diagram painted on the crotch of her panties.
nursemyra was not able to find images from OHSG but here’s the next best thing. these “how to titillate titties” (and more) equally entertaining instructions can be found at hellodamage.com
Yobai (or night creeping) is a japanese custom which died out only recently. a bachelor party would be held after shinto rice planting ceremonies, following which the young men would cruise silently around local villages in groups. arriving outside a home known to contain a sleeping maiden, they would play scissors, paper, rock and the lucky winner would get to sleep with her while the others had to move on to the next house
with the tacit sanction of parents who had no doubt found each other in the same way, girls left their bedroom doors open for the occasion. yobai was common knowledge but it had to be discreet. often the young lothario would urinate against the base of the outside sliding door to prevent any noise when it was drawn open. rather as with the spraying of a tomcat, the reek informed other yobai aspirants that this house was already under visit.
“Timeless” was painted by guan zeju, who is chinese not japanese but the image suits the lesson and I wanted an excuse to showcase the work. more beautiful images by this artist can be found here
text found in “Pink Samurai” by Nicholas Bornoff
in colonial times young couples thinking about marriage practised a custom called bundling.
In the eighteenth century, bundling was roughly equivalent to a “modern day “night at the drive-in with a hot date in the back seat, except that the cavorting took place at the girl’s home and more often than not was encouraged by the parents.
if a couple were seriously courting, they spent a night together in the girl’s bed to ensure compatibility. There were ground rules: underclothes must be kept on at all times and there should be no hanky-panky. To that end, the bundling board or the bundling sack might make an appearance. The bundling board was a large plank placed between the two lovers. The bundling sack was like a double sleeping bag sewn up the middle.
Sometimes, the girl wore a sack that was enclosed with a slip knot at the bottom and tied with a drawstring at the waist. If a parent had anxiety about the situation, the sack could be sewn shut.
In early homes, bed space often fell short of demand, and it was not uncommon that individual homeowners would sometimes rent out “half a bed” for a night to a weary traveler. Rumor has it that strangers sometimes “bundled” with young ladies though more often than not, it was the head of the household who would share his bed in this manner.
we don’t encourage this practice at the gimcrack, though there are some patients nursemyra would like to see in a sack tied with more than a slipknot at the waist