beggars, buggars and choosers

there existed in 18th century Scotland a secret sex society called Beggar’s Benison. new members were required to participate in some strange initiation ceremonies.

The Recorder and two Remembrancers prepared the Novice in a closet, by causing him to propel his Penis until full erection. When thus ready he was escorted with four puffs of the Breath-Horn before the Brethren or Knighthood, and was ordered by tiiQ Sovereign to place his Genitals upon the Testing* Platter, which was covered with a folded white napkin, The Members and Knights two and two came round in a state of erection and touched the Novice Penis to Penis.

after reading an amourous passage from the song of Solomon, port would be drunk and sashes and medals awarded followed by the pledge “May your prick and purse never fail you”

king charles 1 was said to have kept company with several of the Beggar’s Benizen’s members and allegedly gave the knights a wig made from the pubic hair of his mistress. king george 1V also was rumoured to have donated his mistress’s pubic hair to the Order and new initiates were required to add to the collection with hairs from their own conquests.


at gatherings the members read aloud passages from “Fanny Hill – Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure”, and then ejaculated together on a special plate.

(Fanny Hill by Becat)

at the gimcrack we run a “Night Owl’s supper club” for patients who want to carry on socialising after the diversional therapist goes home. yesterday evening Mr W was a little hyped up with all the excitement and took a tumble while reaching for the jatz crackers. night staff whisked him off to the bigger hospital up the road where doctors confirmed a broken hip. that’s him out of action for the next six weeks. what a shame – he’d only just joined the supper club that night.

in all the drama, his toupee slipped off and was left behind. there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that it was a merkin created by daisyfae’s recent bikini wax

Published in: on June 5, 2008 at 7:55 am  Comments (27)  

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27 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Sounds just like the school I went to …….

  2. Sounds like a waste of precious bodily fluids to me. I wonder if they measured it, too, while it lay on the special platter?

  3. Boys will be boys – – –

  4. That “special plate” sounds like quite incubator for disease… Those wacky Scots.

  5. There’s a game at local boarding schools here called “soggy biscuit”. All the boys wank around a large foodstuff of some kind (bread, biscuit, whatever) and aim to ejaculate on the food. Alledgedly, the last one to come, has to eat the item.


    No wonder so many boys grow into quick-fire men.

  6. the thought of a wig made from pubic hair conjures the image of Richard Simmons… *shudder*

    and as for the rumor? i’m not talkin’….

  7. Dolce: isn’t that where Limp Biscuit got their name from?

    daisyfae: and Richard speaks so highly of you…..

  8. I suspect so. Fortunately, they sing rather well, so I can ignore their penchant for weird fetish games.

    Of course, Pearl Jam is also loved and ignored in equal measure.


    Mind you. Just remembered the name of Courtney Love’s band. Not even an inch of subtlety there.

  9. I like Pearl Jam a lot better than Limp Biscuit. and I am talking about the bands 🙂

  10. It sounds rather romantic.
    I’m sure world leaders continue
    this or similar traditions.
    It also explains the vogue of trimmed
    or hairless peekachoos among modern women.

  11. Can’t understand why these sorts of book clubs aren’t more popular. Imagine the fun they’d have with Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

  12. I went the Richard Simmons route hearing about the wig. That guy going to penis to penis makes sense.

  13. Loved the Bécat, love most of his work. This is one of my favorites.


    jahsonic – that is a fabulous image!

  14. typical Saturday night out darn our way!

    love your ejaculation comment on beach bums blog!
    =D xx

    so where exactly is “darn our way” ?
    ever thought about posting videos on the net?

  15. p.s. the chick in the bottom pic looks like she is totally lovin it!
    haha “piss off annoying toff”!

    I tracked down your blog via sexwax (love the flying heron story) but you haven’t enabled comments for us wordpress guys 😦

  16. There can always be a gathering where guys wank off onto a special plate while watching Benny Hill. Lots of busty women in various stages of undress to the tune of Yakety Sax. That’s worth some medals.

  17. Jesus Christ. And I thought I knew a lot of weird shit.

    How likely is it, do you think, that King Charles cheated with the wig and used hairs from his spaniels? And do we think it was a head wig or a pubic wig? Or was that not specified in your source?

  18. Hey! Where’d my comment go?! Are you censoring me Nurse M?

    anaglyph: you know you would be the LAST person the nurse would ever censor
    (anaglyph is the wonderful friend who persuaded me to take up blogging)

  19. I think you had to go through the same initiation to become a Backstreet Boy.

  20. Thanks for the history lesson about sword play at the Beggar’s Benison … “Engarde!” … “Tushy! Oops! Sorry.”

  21. I cannot imagine that wig!!!…OK, I am imagining it…and it is very short, curly, and frankly not very attractive!

  22. Where would you shop for a plate like that?

    I mean, imagine explaining to the enapronned shopgirl at House that you need ‘a special plate for group ejaculation collection’.

    And then being able to get it in a colour that matches your other crockery…

    Too hard.

  23. enapronned? I love that!

  24. “May your prick and purse never fail you” sounds like sound advice to me. But I reckon the wig would look like a shreadded wheat on your head
    [I have always worried/wondered about my Scottish side of the family ] 😀

  25. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thought of the soggy biscuit game from that post, I’m still horrified that I know what that game is though. Nurse I almost thought you were about to tell us you did the platter thing at Gimcrack the way you snapped into that second story.

  26. No way !!


  27. If you like to read more about Beggar’s Benison, you could read ‘Mighty Lewd Books’ and ‘Lascivious Bodies. A Sexual History of the Eighteenth Century’ by historian Julie Peakman, she says somewhat immodestly…..

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