they do what with their blow holes???

another post about one of our eccentric australians…..

Neil Wilson, also known as the Fishman of Toolondo, was interested in the aquatic state of our distant ancestors. to this end, he developed waterproof fish suits which were intricately sewn and constructed from plastics and vinyls collected at the tip. according to a neighbour, Wilson “wanted to be a fish” and was in the habit of going to a reservoir where he would swim and often swing naked from the end of a rope, pretending to be hooked.

on 29 november 1995, he was found dead in the middle of a paddock. he was wearing one of his special suits which zipped up the back. it had two round holes for eyes but no other openings for ventilation. once inside it, with both his legs squeezed into the tail, he was unable to walk, only jump. It seems that, having tried out his new suit in the reservoir, Wilson was jumping back home when, overcome by exhaustion or lack of oxygen, he fell to the ground, was unable to extricate himself from the suit, and died.

less eccentric, but still fish obsessed is Victorian aquatic scientist and author of KamaSEAtra: Secrets of Sex in the Sea, Sheree Marris

Marris says her interest in marine sex began when she first discovered the meaning of the term “dork”.

“It was one of the things that I learnt while studying aquatic science.

A dork is a whale’s penis and I thought, ‘how cool is that?’

“When we’re calling someone a dork we’re basically calling them a big dick because these things are absolutely huge.”

One of her personal favourites is the Deep Sea Angler (Melanocetus johnsoni), a grotesque looking fish that lives deep in the ocean.

“The female angler isn’t the most attractive thing but she’s in the deep deep depths so it doesn’t matter,” says Marris.

To attract a male, she secretes a sweet smelling perfume that arouses him so much that he is compelled to pursue and bite onto her.

He becomes fused to her and basically becomes a blob of testicles on her skin.

“She then chemically commands him to release sperm when she wants, so she’s got this permanent sex slave.

“One female brought up from the depths had 11 males attached to her, she was one lucky girl.”

Readers also will learn that the humble barnacle has the longest penis in relation to body size in the world.

“It’s stuck to a rock so it’s going to be pretty hard to meet the opposite sex,” Marris explains.

“So it has this penis that can be rolled out and just go wandering around the rockpools in search of a mate.”

Dolphins enjoy casual and recreational sex just as much as we do, she says.

“Females rub themselves up against the beach and actually masturbate, males stick their penises in each other’s blow holes and rub against each other with their penises erect. They’ve been seen trying to put their penises in the shells of turtles. they’re not so sweet and innocent.”

Published in: on July 22, 2008 at 8:20 am  Comments (31)  

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31 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I worked with a dork in the City. They come from the village of Dorking just ouside of London. I feel the world is a happier place today knowing that dolphins enjoy casual sex.

  2. I wonder if Mr Wilson was buried at sea?

  3. I didn’t know I had seen an actual dork, but they have one at Ye Olde Curiosity Shop.

    But I warn you, the web page would get a Daily Sucker from Web Pages that Suck.

  4. One link, OK, two links, awaiting moderation. Now I know the limits.

    I want one of the dolphin vibrators, btw.

  5. um… I think both those links are the same..?

  6. Very true about dolphins. A man got arrested for trying to wank off a male dolphin in front of watching tourists.

  7. i always had a soft spot for The Incredible Mr. Limpet – perhaps one of the finest films ever produced….

    as for dorks? i suppose i should be thrilled to be surrounded by them in the office.

  8. makes me afraid to go in the water… at least without dolphin-sized condoms available just in case i get lucky!

  9. This almost qualifies as one of my “Strange World” posts. Although they had better leave MY blow-hole alone – – –

    [farts in their general direction]

  10. Great reading, having a whale of a time on your blog.

  11. It’s curious, isn’t it, how we’re all pretty familiar with the shape of the human penis, but have no idea what shape a whale penis might be.

    I was guessing they’d be quite differently shaped from each other.

    How disappointing to find that they’re pretty much not.

    oh my lord that is one helluva penis

  12. Yip gully that why they call them Killer Whales.

  13. Are they sticking their penises in each other’s blow holes…(wait for it)…on porpoise?

    Sorry, I felt obliged to do it.

  14. I seem to spend a lot of time anymore just dorking around…

  15. uncle keith…must. be. punished.

  16. Sometimes I wish I could send my penis out to find a mate. I’m sure it would do a better job at it than I do.

    Also, watch out if a dolphin offers you a drink, because Flipper is a date rapist.

  17. daistfae: yes, uncle keith must be punished – and we’re just the gals to do it

    renalfailure: is yours detachable? like the one in the King Missile song?

  18. Well, heck, how’d I screw that up. Never mind, as the church lady says.

  19. Ah, Detachable Penis. Have I done a Saturday jukebox with that yet? I really should.

  20. I’ll look forward to that 🙂

  21. Dolphins are dirty dirty things, but well I suppose it is called a blow hole.

  22. Ricky Grevais (Brit comedian) covered that blowhole thing in one of his shows. In absence of any photos he reckoned it was gay propoganda to show it was natural. Who knows?

    Sounds fun anyway although dolphins are only marginally above chickens at zero on the xoggoth scale of sexiness, baboons being 10.

  23. Ricky Gervais. Why doesn’t this posty thing of yours correct my errors, am I supposed to do everything myself?

  24. you think baboons are sexy? maybe you’d enjoy “Wish” by Peter Goldsworthy. it’s a great book….

    and the answer to your last question is “yes” 🙂

  25. OMG … Let’s keep her down there!
    Check out the The Ugly Miss Deep Sea Angler</a

  26. Oops! Sorry! She almost bit me …
    The Ugly Deep Sea Angler

  27. the links don’t work 😦

  28. Chimps too…um…I mean, they also have sex for fun.

    And I like that outfit in the last picture. Damn right!

  29. That first photo reminds me about something someone told me about plaice and fishermen… surely it isn’t true???

  30. I will never look at Dolphins the same way again!!!

  31. Dolce: I’ve got the gloves but not the tail

    70steen: Arrgghhh… stop it!

    Fitness Diva: welcome to the gimcrack, thanks for stopping by 🙂

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