squirting cucumbers

recently nursemyra was reading about historical contraceptives and some of the ways our ancestors chose to terminate unwanted pregnancies

A standard method of inducing abortion (ancient and modern),” according to Kathleen London, “is the abortifacient or potion. Abortifacients are part of a folk culture of herbal medicine handed down among women for thousands of years.” One ancient recipe calls for a paste to be made from mashed ants, foam from camel’s mouths, and tail hairs of blacktail deer dissolved in bear fat

another method was the squirting cucumber used as an abortive pessary “Native to the Mediterranean basin, the plant seems like a normal smaller cucumber at first. When it is ripe the cucumber is known to expel its seeds with a viscous liquid. This is a potentially dangerous situation as the seeds are shot at over 60 mph. Unsuspecting humans and other animals that eat the vegetable before the expulsion, will painfully find out that the seeds will still erupt

nowadays we’ve developed some more sophisticated methods like preventing pregnancies by applying superglue to a man’s parts or liquid silicone to a woman’s. or using a rubber band to keep the testes inside the body

“Although the original article used special underwear equipped with a hole and rubber band to keep the testicles suspended in the abdomen, I found that a rubber band around the base of the penis, as close to the abdomen as possible, is all that is needed. The penis and empty scrotum are on one side, and the testicles in the abdomen are on the other. The rubber band should be just tight enough so that the testicles can’t slip past it and return to the scrotum, and it should be loose enough to leave circulation unimpaired. The best rubber band I found for this purpose is the kind used to bundle stalks of broccoli at the supermarket.”

Published in: on July 30, 2008 at 7:56 am  Comments (20)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://nursemyra.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/squirting-cucumbers/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

20 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. “The best rubber band I found for this purpose is the kind used to bundle stalks of broccoli at the supermarket.”

    Thats probably the scariest thing I have ever read, the fact that someones done that much research on it.

  2. Grocery list now includes “meat-scented condoms”… Mmmmm… Bacon!

  3. So maybe that’s what Dana Carvey was on about when he was “chopping broccoli”

  4. Gives new meaning to the term, “blue balls”… *ack*

  5. ummm….ouch?

  6. What do you do if you don’t like broccoli?

  7. Superglue eh? Another example of the way xoggoth leads and others follow.

  8. I thought it was the postman dropping these rubber bands all over the place but perhaps my neighbours are more interesting than I thought.

    I was gratified to see that my favourite colour makes me play a woman like a concert grand. I couldn’t have put it better myself.

  9. To think I used to like steamed brocolli.

  10. welcome Dr Maroon. bring your interesting neighbours with you next time 🙂

    uncle keith, you’d still like my steamed broccoli. I dress it with sesame oil and lemon juice…..

  11. …i’m just in from a date… where’s a camel when you need one? Damn!!

  12. why are the dog condoms meat scented?? I have never seen a dog yet who needs scented encouragement to lick their ..or other dog’s bits!!

  13. That abortifacient cream sounds really icky. Thank heaven we have Plan B now, wherever fundy pharmacists haven’t withheld it. *gnashes teeth*

  14. Gnukid: you’ve been out on a date? details please

    70s: how would one get a condom to stay on a dog anyway? they can’t fool the nurse…..

    Silverstar: what? you don’t fancy camel foam?

  15. Hmmmm … interesting post. We’ve got squirting cucumbers, camel foam, masshed ants, tail hairs, a bit of bear fat and broccoli. Let’s not forget elastic bands and scary underpants. Ingredients for a real sexy night. And yep, no preggies today!

  16. I aim to please 🙂

    (and educate of course…..)

  17. yep NM that did baffle me !! so glad you have queried that too 😉

  18. the dog condom ads were created by the same people who did this 🙂


  19. no, not really (but sort of)… i was just trying to use that “art of positive thinking” thing where, if you say it enough, it will come true… alas and alack, she was reticent…

  20. first date? there’s plenty more where that came from

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: