st francis of assises

Sir Francis Dashwood founded an interesting club back around 1750, the Order of the Knights of St Francis, or The Monks of Medenham.  These “monks” spent much of their time reading, drinking and enjoying sexual frolics. Dashwood was gifted with stallion-like sexual prowess which earned him the nickname “St Francis of Assises”. His club was open to women as well as men and Dashwood’s two mistresses also became “nuns” of the Order

the secrecy surrounding the Order was due to its sexual nature. so that none of the female members would be surprised by the arrival of a husband or close relation, the women remained masked until all the brethren had filed past them for a review

there are still similar clubs all over the world, including hellfire in nursemyra’s hometown of sydney. they even have their own blog where you can check out the dress code and their poster girls. the activities are the same as those practised by Dashwood and his followers

latex seems to be the most popular material for costumes worn to sydney’s hellfire. nursemyra has more than a couple of latex pieces but I’d swap them all for a dress like the one this madame (above right) is wearing. I’m also rather partial to these dildo shoes…..

russ meyer t shirt friday

silverstar says that the friday t shirts must have a story attached to qualify for inclusion. that narrows down my choices of what to wear somewhat because most of my tees were found at St Vincent de Paul’s and I can’t make much of a story about shopping at thrift stores.

the night before I found this Ultra Vixen tee, Stephen and I had been to the Mu Meson Archives which is a groovy little film club that plays at a local pub on monday evenings. We’d watched Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! which is a cult film about three big bosomed strippers and fast cars. I was totally hooked on the bizarre cartoonish soft porn craziness that is russ meyer and desperately wanted a pussycat gogo dancer outfit. the next day I was walking past a Salvation Army store and saw a blue sleeve poking out of a pile of castoffs in a $2.00 bin and look what it was attached to……. the lord moves in mysterious ways…..

as well as silverstar, daisyfae and dolce are doing t-shirt friday this month too

addendum: we have another entry from anniegirl too

electrify me

Scribonius Largus (AD 43), a physician and pharmacologist, wrote Compositiones, a collection of drug compounds and remedies.

Two hundred and seventy-one compounds are described, antidotes against poisons, bites, and stings; plasters, dressings, and salves; as well as references to aconite and to an early form of electroanalgesia, in which the shock of the torpedo ray was used to manage both headache and gout

Charles Bew, surgeon-dentist to George IV of England, felt that tic douloureux (an extremely painful condition) was chiefly caused by dental problems. He recommended removal or modification of the defective tooth, or correction of the articulation of the jaw. He used supportive electrotherapy to help manage the pain, with powerful electric shocks from an electrostatic generator and Leyden Jar capacitor.

Duchenne du Boulogne took medical electricity into the realm of  physiology and anatomy in the late 17th century. he also designed some of the first prosthetics.

Dr Jerome Kidder treated many different diseases with his machines. While experimenting with ways to treat cataracts, Kidder seems to have discovered a phenomenon—an artifact, one might say, of his apparatus—that seemed highly significant to him.  When applied to the eye, his machine could make visible energies that are normally invisible.  This could be accomplished through regulating the character of an electric current so that it registered on the optic nerve as a visible pattern, thereby exciting the vision in a way similar to that of light.  Thus one could see, as images, electrical currents in their varied characteristics.

 we don’t use many electrical apparatuses at the gimcrack, even our patient lifting machines operate by battery and we cook with gas. Mrs Geraldine Spottiswoode, interviewed here by the good folk at Utterpants objects to electric toothbrushes, at least for women under the age of 40. *phew* (I’m glad I’m over the age where I could be forced to give mine up…..)

your little factory

Image by Van Maele

mormons advise their young men against masturbation

I give as my first illustration of this unwritten order of your little factory things so simple a thing as this: When you go to the bathroom, first, unzip your zipper, then pull out your little factory using your right hand, then release the waste product, shake your little factory no more than 5 times, to avoid stimulating it, but no less than three to ensure no droplets remain on the tip of your little factory. Next, stuff your little factory back in your pants, using your right hand. finally, zip up.

Another example: If you watch your father shower, you will see that he cleans his little factory last. There is a reason for this that we will get back to. You will also notice your father doesn’t spend a lot of time washing his little factory. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to clean off your little factory. There is no excuse for excessive cleaning.

here’s a story from 22 year old Hyrum Parkin about how it feels to finally release the little factory

“Luann went into the bathroom to change into ‘something more comfortable.’ She came out wearing high heals, thigh-high nylons, a black thong, and nothing else. Holy fudge, her breasts were immaculate! She spun around and I saw her tight buns with the g-string going up her crack. That was all it took. My little factory started humming, and all of my substance was released into my pants. Fortunately, my garments protected the rented tuxedo from getting stained. That saved me a huge cleaning fee. I bear my testimony that the holy garment offers protection to those who faithfully wear it. Anyway, it was the greatest experience of my life, and it didn’t even take very long. I changed into new garments, and luckily didn’t miss the beginning of ’24’.”

Brother Todd has this sage advice to offer those who are tempted to stray

If you are in bed and start thinking about your problem you MUST run into the kitchen and immediately start eating but do not eat anything that will remind you of your problem. Any type of sausage is a no-no. Tacos are acceptable only if you have been pneumatically sealed to your spouse in a temple ceremony.

free range chickens are so much tastier than those from the little factory farm

aromatic lozenge of steel

Fraud associated with sex is ancient, stretching back to love philters sold in the earliest occidental and oriental civilizations. In the United States, a promoter in 1804 offered “a degree of re-animation” to older men who used his Aromatic Lozenges of Steel. Some proprietors trafficked on the theme of Mormon polygamy, giving their nostrums names like Brigham Young Tablets, Mormon Elders Damiana Wafers, and Mormon Bishop Pills. Other suggestive names included Ponce de León Cream, Red Rooster Pills, and Sporty Days Invigorator. The Von Graef Sexual Troche was recommended for use both “in the Stomach and on the Organ.”

Impotency “cures” are also related to aphrodisiacs; indeed, such double duty has not infrequently been claimed in the same nostrum advertisement. In the 19th century, Dr. Hollick’s Aphrodisiac Remedy also provided “the only sure and reliable… permanent cure of impotence.” After World War II, a Flying Fortress gunner who had won the Congressional Medal of Honor promoted Firmo Cream as both an aphrodisiac and a restorer of lost manhood

more recently, a supposed aphrodisiac known as Black Stone has been found in sex shops in america. It’s meant to be applied topically though health authorities say it’s dangerous that way also. several men have died after ingesting this toad venom. perhaps they didn’t find a princess willing to kiss their toady todger in time. under no circumstances should you click on the link (warty penis) if you’re eating, digesting or thinking about food.

spanish fly is an irritant though some people still believe it has aphrodisiacal qualities. this site offers it to you for the bargain price of $197.50 saying it may make her eager to perform any sex act you want. or there’s the kriptonite brand which reproduces the effect of the beattle version. love love me do……..

theanthropic theme

the last time nursemyra ran a competition was in May so another one is overdue. daisyfae left a comment on unbearablebanishment’s blog about having a “family theme song” which has given me an idea.

I’m asking readers to suggest a suitable theme song for my little family. there’s only three of us: the naughty nurse, the homosexual dj and the procrastinating prodigal. you can see a photo of the three of us here and refresh your memory by reading my “about”

I’ve got cds of good aussie music as prizes for 1st. 2nd and 3rd.

moulin rouge friday

I nose it

nursemyra is turned on by certain smells. the smell of a lover’s armpit or groin can make me weak with desire and if someone smells not bad but “wrong” I know without any doubt that there would be no future in a relationship.

havelock ellis had some interesting things to say about smell too. “It is said that Asiatic princes sometimes caused a number of ladies to race in the seraglio garden until they were very heated. their garments were then brought to the prince who selected one of them solely on the odour.”

the Romans believed in a connection between a large nose and a large penis. A similar belief in the association between the sexual impulse in women and a long nose was common in England in the 16th century. “Her nose, which by its length assures me of storms at midnight if I fail to pay her the tribute she expects…..”

image by Felicien Rops

It is highly likely that there is an intimate relationship between the olfactory mucous membrane and the genital apparatus. Experiments have shown that it may be possible to control bleeding from the nose by applying ice to the sexual regions. Fere records the case of a newly married lady who, when she experienced intense sexual arousal, also experienced much secretion from the nose. Other investigators report similar findings; the popular expression “bride’s cold” indicates that this effect is widely recognised.

In 1903 a 56 year old man was operated on for the removal of cartilage in his nose after an accident. he was cocainized and no pain was felt during the operation but the reflex influence of the pain upon the genitals caused semen to flow continually for three weeks!

olfactory influences play a certain part in various sexually abnormal tendencies. the case of a young woman which was recorded by Moraglia showed she was irresistably excited by the odour of fermenting male urine. there was also another case in which the wife required flatus from her husband.

the romans alluded to bodily smells as sexual attractants in their literature. Ovid said “it is scarcely necessary to remind a lady that she should not keep a goat in her armpits.” Galopin remarks that while “some women’s armpits smell of sheep in rut, others have a fragrance of ambergris or violet”

since nursemyra is as fond of semen as she is of seamen, I’ll take the briny odour of a sperm whale over a rutting sheep any day

ointment for your weapon

the Rosicrucians had an unusual method of treating wounds. instead of applying a balm to the wounded area, they instead medicated and carefully bandaged the weapon which had caused the injury. these ointments nearly always contained moss from the skull of a dead man as well as other ingredients such as mummia, human blood and linseed oil.

“Lord Bacon was in some doubt about the weapon-ointment, but he rather inclined to believe in its cures because a distinguished lady had similarly relieved him of warts by rubbing them with a rind of pork which was then hung up, fat side to the sun, to waste away, carrying his warts into non-existence with it.”

another ancient remedy was recommended by the Sympathy Doctor who performed wonderful cures from a distance. when a man was injured attempting to cut down a tree, the cloth which had first been used to staunch the bleeding was taken to the Sympathy Doctor who made a hole in a vigorous oak tree, put the cloth in the hole and covered it with gristle which he hammered into the tree with heavy blows. this caused the wound to heal at an astonishing rate. it should be noted however that the tree used must be vigorous and must be oak.

nursemyra is willing to lend out BP for anyone wishing to replicate this experiment at home

here’s a novel use for the next oak tree a vigorous man chops down

 

periodic passion

my good friend Havelock Ellis reports on the belief that men are also affected by periods

“Kraft-Ebbing records the case of a neurasthenic russian aged 24, who experienced sexual desire with urologinic character every four weeks, Nacke mentions the case of a man who had nocturnal emmissions at intervals of 4 weeks, Moll recorded the case of a man who had attacks of homosexual feeling every 4 weeks and Rohleder gives the case of  an unmarried slightly neuropathic physician who for several days every 3 to 5 weeks has attacks of satyriacal sexual excitement

In 1888 Julius Nelson published a study in which he recorded the results of his dreams and seminal emissions (which he called gonekboles) during a period of 2 years. He found his gonekboles fell into a physiological cycle of 28 days. But Havelock Ellis felt there was a more pronounced weekly rhythm. He was told by several young men who worked hard during the week, that Saturday and especially Sunday afternoon are periods when the thoughts spontaneously go in an erotic direction and at this time there is a special tendency to masturbation.

“AN” kept a record of his sexual manifestations between the ages of 30 and 34 showing that his emissions occurred most frequently on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd days after a new moon. his yearly average came out as 52, or one per week, most often on a Sunday. in 1889, 38 year old “Mr X” reported that at certain regular times he felt an itching in his testicles and his penis would erect at the slightest provocation. this feeling would persist for 2 or 3 days and he recalled at these times that he had a strong desire to wrestle with someone.

perhaps my male readers might like to chime in with the results of their own experiments in record keeping here. I doubt if nursemyra is the only woman wondering if she should get out and about more often on a sunday…..