some people are turned on by farts. The Queen of Farts knows this. nurses at the gimcrack hear so many during the course of their day they have no trouble staying unperturbed and unaroused. we can even identify some of our patients just by the sound of their farts. for instance the letter “L” on that last link sounds remarkably like the approach of Duc while the letter “H” is surely Miss Maidenhair.

geriatric farts smell worse than juvenile ones. this description of “liquid ass”  sums it up nicely: Liquid ASS is a highly–concentrated, butt–crack smell with hints of green poo, fart, and dead animal.

of course farts aren’t the only things expelled by bottoms. most of us flush the evidence away quite quickly but these internal cleansing aficionados take pictures first. please don’t click that link if you’re eating your breakfast!

but DO click on the image above for the *full* picture

Published in: on August 6, 2008 at 7:45 am  Comments (27)  

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  1. Have you ever tried putting a burning match to one of these farts, Nursie? A hospital might be the perfect place for such scientific experiments.

  2. @Gorilla- What trying to light one up, that works trust me, I have a friend whose obsessed with doing it… not saying its not hilarious because it is.

    Turned on by farts though… yeah some people are just wierd arent they.

  3. My ex used to fart in bed, and then fluff the covers so I got the full effect. That’s why he’s an ex. Among other reasons. Can’t say I’m into fartophillia.

  4. Back when most train lavatories discharged straight onto the track I once wrote to British rail to suggest they could boost their revenues by hiring out little chambers underneath to scat enthusiasts and offering my services to promote the venture. I never got the curtesy of a reply.

  5. I’ll curtsey for you 🙂

  6. Lighting farts? Blast from the past…

  7. Fart Queen…she’s got a pretty nice ass, green flames not withstanding.

  8. I’m due for a colonoscopy do you think they can just yank all that stuff out at the same time. You know … maybe use a scope with a hook?

  9. Thanks for the warning.

  10. Forgotten what I was going to say ….. imagining you curtseying now ………..

  11. could you put the warning as ‘don’t open if eating ANYTHING at anytime… or just eaten ANYTHING’
    I was right about what I said on DPs comments this morning hee hee

    btw I typed in my name in the fart keyboard… ooo ‘L’ is such an awful sound 🙂

  12. And so to a Classic:

    There was a young fellow from Sparta,
    A really magnificent farter,
    On the strength of one bean
    He’d fart God Save the Queen,
    And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

    He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
    He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
    He’d boom from his ass
    Bach’s B-minor Mass,
    And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

    Who’da thought so many things rhyme with ‘farter’?

  13. My turn! Me! me! me! me! me!

    There was a young man from ??? erm forgotten
    Who tried to fart god save the queen
    When he reached the soprano
    out came the gauano
    and his breeches weren’t fit to be seen

  14. That queen of farts looks good but $24.95!! What use are pics of farting anyway?

    Did it ever strike anyone who has ever seen “Star Trek, The Next Generation” that nobody EVER used the Holodeck for realistic porn? How likely is that? Nobody would have used the Holodeck for anything else.

  15. What a gas.

  16. Well, xoggoth, there was that episode where Lt. Barclay was using the holodeck to hook up with a holographic Counselor Troi. That caused some issues on the Enterprise.

    And me knowing this is just one of the many reasons I didn’t get laid until I was 21.

  17. I shall fart proudly, and in your honor, for you’re the winnah!!

    Congrats (and a hat tip) to you~

  18. Oh, i’m so looking forward to geriatric farting. you’ve given me a goal to pursue in my later years… which will happen… ummm… later… yeah…

  19. nursemyra: having a ‘scientific’ background, one thing has made me curious, and that is why is it that geriatric ones are more virulent than the juvenile? chemically, i would love to realize the difference 😉

  20. There are few things as satifying as letting rip with a deeply sonorous buttock blast. Except during a job interview.

  21. JohnB: hmmm….. I don’t know the answer to that. but if you clicked on that last link you’d see that there appears to be a lot of stuff stored in the colon for a long time. guess it’s all fermentation….

    Kyknoord: I’d still hire you if you farted during the interview 🙂

  22. Now, see, if it was my blog, that limerick would have spawned at least a dozen more. I guess I’ve still got a place in the blogosphere after all.

  23. yes, I’m surprised that srchie didn’t chip in. Ian from Letters would not have been able to resist but he’s on holidays this month. guess my readers are less limericky than yours 🙂

  24. Eeeewwwww.

    Mind you. Farting is hilarious. Don’t know why. It just is.

    Although, Dutch Ovens aren’t. At all. Silverstar – I’m not surprised he’s an ex.

  25. hahaha dolce, I just reread that old post of yours. testicle eating pixies indeed…..

  26. You didn’t tell the name for finding farts sexy ( I don’t). I just found it on http://www.cracked.com/article_16550_illustrated-look-at-worlds-25-strangest-fetishes.html

  27. thanks for that Mark. I clicked the link and found another one I hadn’t heard of – emetophilia – being turned on by vomit…. eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww

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