don’t tease the phantom genitals

most people know about phantom limb syndrome, where a person who has lost a leg or an arm due to accident or illness can still feel pain where the limb used to be.

so I guess it’s not surprising that there is also a phantom penis syndrome. 60% of post operative men whose penises have been removed because of cancer or through transexual surgery say they feel as though they still have a joystick between their legs. these patients can describe its shape and length and even the sensation of phantom erections.

In horse breeding circles, semen is often collected from stallions using an estrous or ovariectomized teaser mare. An alternative to a teaser mare is to use a “phantom” mount – an inanimate mare look-a-like. Roughly 2 of 3 stallions can be trained to mount and be collected using a phantom.

it appears to be exhausting work for the stallion.

Use of an artificial vagina is far and away the most common method for collecting semen from stallions. Due to the large ejaculate volume, a collection bottle is used instead of a tube. An insulating blue cone is placed over the end of the AV to shield the semen collection bottle from thermal shock.

Cones have other uses too. this pink one from Feverbox is multifunctional

The shape has several benefits, it’s hand-free to start with and because its only moderately penetrative, our testers found that it seems to tighten the area in which it was being used! We are still looking into the benefits of this in muscle rehabilitation for post-pregnancy and incontinence sufferers

Perfect for the gimcrack’s leaky old people!

Published in: on September 16, 2008 at 8:33 am  Comments (27)  

don’t get anal over oral

your teeth, along with everything else, will give you problems if you live long enough to be admitted to an asylum a care facility like the gimcrack. they’ll crumble and crack and harbour nasty smelling bacteria which will make your grandchildren run screaming from the room and lessen your chances of ever getting laid again. you’ll probably be tempted to drown your sorrows in alcohol but then you’ll wake up every morning with a hangover and breath like a cadaver’s anus. unless….. 

Get Fresh Breath and Avoid Hangovers with Close Call.
Close Call is a revolutionary new breath drink that removes germs and bacteria that cause bad breath in the mouth, throat, upper respiratory tract, and stomach. All ingredients are recognized by the FDA as GRAS (Generally Recognized As Safe). To eliminate breath odors, use ½ bottle. For hangover relief, use full bottle before bed.

Just swish, then swallow!

another recommendation is the use of a tongue scaper combined with conditioning gel. just make sure you don’t get it mixed up with the anal conditioning gel in your bathroom cabinet.

“I have used your prior product Womanzone for anal intercourse because a friend recommended it to me. I really enjoyed the tingling sensation that ‘Womanzone’ used to give but find ‘Innuendo’ far superior for anal sex. I cannot put my finger on it but just find anal far more satisfying with ‘Innuendo’. Thank you for another great innovation for better sex.”


Published in: on September 15, 2008 at 8:45 am  Comments (20)  

red ribbon friday

hope a glimpse of my barbell will provide distraction from the pimple right in the middle of my chest. proof that I’m still a teenager at heart 🙂

this might look similar to last friday’s corset shot but they are completely different outfits. I bought this corset when stephen and I were in london, if you look closely you can see the bottom part unhooks from the waist

Published in: on September 12, 2008 at 8:09 am  Comments (20)  

a bum’s rush for the anal probe

nursemyra has trouble accepting that middle age is not around the corner, it’s actually here. working at the gimcrack means I see aging bodies breaking down in a number of ghastly ways so recently I switched into body maintenance mode. No, I haven’t gone as far as to adopt a serious exercise routine but in the last month I’ve had my eyes and teeth checked and a long overdue pap smear.

Stephen died when cancer destroyed his lungs but it had originally started in his colon. right now my ex-husband is recovering from surgery which has left him with a colostomy bag and azahar is currently battling colon cancer too. so for my posterior’s sake I rocked up to a proctology appointment today.

Dr Diggler was already running behind time when I entered his consulting room at 9.45. a moment of small talk followed by an invitation to remove clothing meant my naked bottom was on his couch by 9.49. I was only given about 45 seconds to enjoy the gloved finger (who says women don’t have a prostate?) before being introduced to the sigmoidoscope.

nursemyra had read up on what to expect so when I wasn’t asked to fast or drink anything special before my appointment I thought I’d be getting the rigid sigmoidoscope. At a rumoured 9.8 inches I wasn’t sure whether I should be excited or terrified but as it turned out I was neither. He used the flexible type which was not so much fun for me but apparently was good for him as he kept murmuring “beautiful, beautiful” as the video camera revealed no polyps or piles or any of those other nasties that hide out in rectal recesses.

so approximately 8 and a half minutes after making his acquaintance, nursemyra found herself fully dressed and handing over a credit card to Dr Diggler’s secretary. I paid $140.00 for the consultation and another $80.00 for the anal probe. It’s the first time I’ve undressed for a man in over a year and he charges ME $220.00!

perhaps the aliens had temporarily transported me to some parallel universe where everything was round the wrong way. let’s hope this is not a permanent state of affairs – it could make for a very surprising corset friday shot tomorrow…..


Published in: on September 11, 2008 at 10:39 am  Comments (30)  

bring me my stud finder

an extraordinarily large number of people, mostly US citizens, claim to have been abducted by aliens. nursemyra is a skeptic and requires proof before she believes almost anything. Dr Roger Lier thinks he may have recovered alien implants from two people he performed surgery on in 1995

Dr. Roger Leir is a California surgeon who has removed what may be alien implants from two people brought to him by hypno-anesthesia therapist and abduction researcher Derrel Sims of Houston, Texas. 

On August 19, 1995, several alleged “implants” were surgically removed from two abductees who have been working with Sims. If preliminary findings are confirmed by further laboratory testing, these implants might provide hard evidence that the abduction phenomenon is a reality.

Dr. Leir removed a total of three objects, two from one patient and one from a second patient. Both specimens in the first patient, a woman, were located in her large toe, one on each side of the toe. The third object was removed from the back of the left hand of the second patient, a man, slightly above the web area between the thumb and the index finger.

According to Sims, these people were originally unaware that they had the implants. The objects were accidently discovered on x-rays taken for unrelated reasons. There was no pain associated, and neither patient had any prior sensation of foreign objects in the body. Another peculiar fact is that these implants also left no sign of entry into the body; if there was an initial incision, it healed so perfectly that there was no scar.

To help locate the implants more specifically prior to surgery, Dr. Leir used a stud finder and a gauss meter.When the gauss meter was put near the object in the man’s hand, the meter “went crazy.”  The objects removed were flat and approximately triangular in shape, about half a centimeter on each side. Though metallic inside, they were covered with a thick, dense gray membrane. Dr. Leir tried to cut into the membrane with a scalpel, but couldn’t.

When Derrel Sims got the objects back to Houston, his first test was to expose them to ultraviolet light. He found that they all glowed brilliant fluorescent green. Derrel has found in his research that patches of some substance, invisible to the naked eye but fluorescent under black light, sometimes show up on an abductee’s body following an abduction. He suspects that whatever this substance is, it could result from direct physical contact with the body of the abductor.

Published in: on September 10, 2008 at 9:07 am  Comments (21)  

oh michael where art thou?

as if astrology and numerology weren’t enough……

Michael is a group soul, a collective consciousness of 1050 essences who have finished their lifetimes on earth, cycled off the physical plane and recombined into an entity who now resides and teaches from the mid-causal plane. michael teaches that there are seven body types named after the seven visible planets.

Martial: This Bodytype is athletic, muscular, sinewy, hard, lean, dense and tough. The Martial body is built for action and endurance. It thrives on exercise and hard work. It can withstand a lot of pain and abuse. Red hair and freckled skin are Martial traits. This is one of the three most masculine Bodytypes.

Lunar: This Bodytype is usually plain and ordinary in body and facial appearance. The torso is round and the legs short and thin. The skin and hair are lackluster. In fact, there is often a dearth of hair. Of all the Bodytypes, the Lunar is most prone to roundness (like the moon) due to obesity. The Lunar is the most sensual type — they love their food.

Mercurial: This Bodytype is usually lean and short, as Mercury was said to be agile without being muscular. The body is energetic but is not geared for physical activity so much as for mental activity — the creation and conveyance of ideas and words. They have a low pain threshold and a tendency to hypochondria. Male Mercurials are most prone to wear a mustache or beard. The personality is perceptive, impulsive, and restless.

Saturnine: The primary distinguishing characteristic here is the bone structure. The bones are large, and the body is tall and thin, thus emphasizing the boniness. The hands and feet are big and gnarled. The face is long, and the head is also chiseled and angular, with projecting cheekbones, prominent nose, square jaw and large teeth. They have a serious but gentle demeanor. They think and move slowly.

Venusian: this is a beautiful or handsome body whether male or female. Skin is clear of blemishes, hair is bountiful and lush, features are attractive to the point of being distinguished, the body is well proportioned, tending to no extreme or irregularities. Eyes are large and dark, skin is darker than usual. Venusians could be models. Some Venusians have a tendency to let their looks go to pot.

Solar: The body is medium to tall in height, slight of build, perhaps even fragile in appearance. The hands and feet are also long and thin. This type is not built to withstand the rigors of physical activity, but their presence is distinctive and impressive. The features are refined and delicate, with a youthful appearance. The forehead is broad and the eyes are set widely. The skin seems transparent if not luminescent — they shine with an inner light. The hair is silky and shiny. The overall impression is ethereal or angelic. Their behavior is “airy” 

Jovial: This type is large, usually tall, sometimes massive — “beefy” may be the best single adjective. The bones and muscles are heavy-duty, but the body does not emphasize muscularity. Rather, it presents an imposing, regal bearing. The neck is short and thick, trunk and limbs are heavy. Even when overweight, the excessive flesh is firm.


nursemyra thinks she may be a “Solar”. what about you…..?

Published in: on September 8, 2008 at 8:01 am  Comments (22)  

all sewn up

the gimcrack has a couple of sewing machines so our patients can repair the straitjackets use them during diversional therapy classes. only a few are capable of jiving with a janome, as most of our patients are from the era of the treadle machine. my mother’s friend had one and I can remember jamming my fingers in it so the treadle is no friend to nursemyra. perhaps if I’d been older I would have found a better way of combining fingers and treads

“the early type of sewing machine was of heavy character and involved much up and down movement of the legs. Langdon Brown pointed out that this frequently produced great sexual erethism which led to masturbation. According to one French authority it is a well recognised fact that to work a sewing machine with the body in a certain position produces sexual excitement leading to orgasm. the occurrence of orgasm is indicated to the observor by the machine being worked for a few seconds with uncontrollable rapidity. This sound is said to be frequently heard in large French workrooms”.

Sexual excitement may also be produced by the bicycle in women but most medical authorities on cycling are of the opinion “that when it leads to sexual excitement the fault lies more with the woman than with the machine. the old fashioned saddle with an elevated peak rising towards the pubic region produces a certain degree of sexual excitement not usually resulting in orgasm but, as one lady expressed it, making one feel quite ready for it.”

reference is also made to the wearing of tight laced corsets. “this has been recognised by gynaecologists as a factor of sexual excitement and a method of masturbation. Women who have never worn corsets sometimes find that on first putting them on sexual feeling is so intensified that it is necessary to abandon their use!”

now you know why nursemyra takes so much pleasure in corset fridays…..

Published in: on September 6, 2008 at 7:56 am  Comments (23)  

late latex friday

nursemyra doesn’t go out much these days. a drink on friday night and a movie on saturday afternoon about covers my social life at the moment and I like it that way. sydney has had the coldest winter I can remember and even though we’re five days into spring it’s not really that noticeable.

so here it is friday and I’ve had a few glasses of red and can’t remember if this corset has been featured before or not. I think perhaps the latex and fishnet undergarment has, but the laced mini corset on top hasn’t yet.  I like the way it can be pulled in really tight to make me look like I’ve got a set of hips

Published in: on September 5, 2008 at 11:59 am  Comments (27)  

spring fever

havelock ellis investigated the idea that animals are not the only form of life that is invigorated in the spring

“according to chinese medicine it is the spring that awakens human passions and the early greeks believed that spring and summer are the times of greatest wantoness. the writer Nipho felt that women were more lustful in spring and summer, while for men it was in winter that they felt the most passionate. he believed men found extremes of temperature unfavourable to their masculinity. “

“it is highly probable that the tendency of piles to become more troublesome in the warmer months is due to increased sexual activity.  and episodes of madness are also believed to surge in spring. admissions to london lunatic asylums during the years 1893 to 1897 and to paris infirmaries from 1886 to 1888 show a pronounced curve during this season.”

“many years ago Sir Chrichton-Brown stated that a manifestation of the sexual stimulus of spring is to be found in the large number of novels that are read during that period. the promptings of the sexual instinct also bring an increased volume of readers to the reference library”

really? so that’s why woeful is so often concerned about the behaviour of his library patrons…..

Published in: on September 4, 2008 at 9:03 am  Comments (21)  

bachelor machines

image by michael manning

Some people are prepared to go to great lengths to achieve sexual satisfaction. nursemyra does NOT recommend any of these practices.

the first documented death by sexual strangulation occurred in London: Franz Kotzwara, composer, celebrated double-bass player and a great libertine, paid a visit on September 2, 1791, to a prostitute to whom he gave 2 shillings to buy ham, beef, porter and brandy. After their dinner he asked her to cut off his genitals; she refused, but agreed to satisfy him by strangulation; kneeling, he hung himself with a rope tied to the doorknob. Five minutes later he was dead.

a pamphlet from that era describes in detail the sublime science of strangulation, referring to “the celebrated Patent Inventor of Spring Bands, who, through wonderful improvements in surgery and mechanics could invent a safe, agreeable and graceful mode of suspension,” and promotes the use of “elastic garters” for self-hanging and a product called “Vanbutchell’s Balsam of Life”. It is assumed that the eccentric quack Martin Vanbutchell himself wrote the pamphlet. At that time he placed advertisements in the papers that praised hanging and strangulation as a means to sexual satisfaction.

Many deaths occur during sexual stimulations with electricity, putting the genitals into a bowl of water together with both ends of a live wire, or touching the penis wrapped in tinfoil with one end of a wire, while the other end is held in the hand. autoerotic practices were referred to as “bachelor machines” by Michel Carrouge in his influential book “Les machines celibataires” (1954). This term is a very appropriate one, in so far as the actual practitioners might be anything between 8 and 80 years old, but on average they are in their mid twenties, and almost exclusively men.

I wonder if we’ve solved the mystery of what that suitcase full of straps was for…….

Published in: on September 3, 2008 at 8:26 am  Comments (18)