peel me a grape

Johanna Brandt claimed that eating a diet consisting entirely of grapes cured her of cancer. She also claimed that the grape cure had demonstrated effectiveness against arthritis, diabetes, gallstones, cataracts, ulcerated stomach, tuberculosis, and syphilis. “It acts as a drastic eliminator of evil while building new tissue” 

Depending on the site of the cancer, grape juice gargles, enemas or douches may also be used. In 1892, William Kelsey (1851-1935) began marketing a patent remedy called “Dr. Baker’s Grape Cure.” An advertising circular claimed that several “fat and jolly Germans” had discovered that eating just grapes cleaned their system, made their liver healthy, and made their general health perfect.

the grape cure for cancer has been debunked but as they are rich in antioxidants and vitamins they are still very good for you. nursemyra recommends eating plenty of fruit, vegetables, cereals, yoghurt and fish and getting plenty of exercise.

Frequent ejaculation may help protect against prostate cancer. if you’re not taking my advice about diet and exercise, your penis may not be getting the workout it deserves either. if you need a helping hand, perhaps this is a time when adding a little “grape” to your life may be apropriate…..

Published in: on October 11, 2008 at 8:17 am  Comments (20)  

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20 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Great advice, Nurse. Grapes are one of my favorite fruits.

    Next to the banana.

  2. haha Lizza. that’s a very cute banana!

  3. Grape vagina!!!! – one of your five-a-day I suppose …..

  4. so does wine count???

  5. I like the seedless varieties, red or green, but give me grapes with seeds and they stay on the table…

  6. Hmmm…. if the grape is an eliminator of evil, perhaps i should start keeping bowls of grapes on my desk at the office?

  7. I think Ms Brandt had it wrong. it’s chocolate that eliminates all evil. chocolate and red wine.

  8. Oh, I SO want some of that EVIL wine. It’s South Australian, do you know, and apparently better than average…

    you should order some for your halloween party!

  9. Then my prostate is strong enough to deflect bullets.

  10. I’m steaming some broccoli for lunch as an offering to the cancer gods … not sure if I’ll actually eat it.

    Grapes, eh?

  11. i’m naive. instead of grape enemas or douches, why not just insert grapes into one’s various orifaces? because it’s the skin of the grape that holds the highest concentration of nutrients.
    an idea: teaching the patients and residents at gimcrack to insert grapes into each other would not only be diversionary entertainment for them, but also apparently healthful and nutritious. healthy and entertained patients would relieve some of the stress nurse myra and the other staff experience from time to time. Everyone benefits.
    another idea: vibrating grapes!

    Sera, have you ever thought of a career in Diversional Therapy?

  12. I’m sorry to admit that I am probably too sexually repressed to use a grape fake vagina. I doubt I’d come. It would only result in uncontrolled hysterics or tears.

  13. For me it was mostly tears, especially when I’d had it for a while and it turned into a raisin vajayjay.

    Claude E. Outlook

  14. that’s the trouble with those grape vaginas. you have to keep the environment moist at all times. real ones are self moistening but they can still produce hysterics or tears in some men.

    you guys will never win 🙂

  15. I was going to say, you’re missing the best part if you peel the grape. The innards are mostly sugar and cellulose. Evil wine, eh. If it has sufites, it is evil. :migraine:

  16. Well if the nurse is ordering prostate excercise… who am I to argue.

  17. that’s right alex. don’t argue with the nurse, I have your best interests at heart…..

  18. Hey, I knock one off a couple of times a day and I’m “All Clear”!

  19. Hey, I knock one off a couple of times a day and I’m “All Clear”!

  20. hahahaha…. that must be why you posted twice 🙂


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