finck was pretty f**ked up

Henry T. Finck (1887) was the first early psychologist to pose a theory of beauty. Humans started out, he thought, exceedingly ugly. But humankind continued to evolve, becoming more perfect, better-looking, all the time. Finally, evolution and good looks reached a pinnacle in the upperclass English gentleman.


Finck itemized each trait—the feet, limbs, waist, chest, etc.— and explained why the Victorian gentleman surpassed all others in beauty appeal and in doing so managed to insult every ethnic group.

The Hungarians are “of a repulsive ugliness in the eyes of all their neighbors.”


Eva Bartok

“The typical Jew is certainly not a thing of beauty. The disadvantages of genuine separation are shown not only in the long, thick crooked nose, the bloated lips, almost suggesting a negro, and the heavy lower eyelid, but in the fact that the Jews have proportionately more insane, deaf mutes, blind, and colour-blind” than other Europeans.


“The women of France are amongst the ugliest in the world”


Finck also gave advice on avoiding rouge and learning to kiss properly. “A lover should not hold his bride by the ears in kissing her. A more graceful way, and quite as effective in preventing her from getting away, is to put your right arm around her neck, your fingers under her chin, raise the chin, then gently but firmly press your lips on hers. After a few repetitions, she will find out it doesn’t hurt and become as gentle as a lamb.”


Published in: on November 25, 2008 at 7:29 am  Comments (23)  

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23 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. The man was clearly insane. A) French women are ugly?! loony. B) Holding your bride by the ears can be highly erotic, whether she wants to get away or not…

  2. Maybe Mr. Finck could have used chickens, which appear to be much more reliable judges of human beauty than himself, as proven by the following research:

    Click to access ghirlanda_jansson_enquist2002.pdf

    These researchers won an Ig Nobel prize for this – got to respect that.

    haha… they deserved that prize

  3. Why not just stick to lambs?

  4. i too am an ear gripper but agree that the main thing is to prevent escape. right now my special lady has a badly sprained ankle which is pretty much a dream come true for me. other than the being nice and bringing her stuff part.

    Howard M. Donuts

  5. focused on the beauty of Victorian gentlemen, was he? methinks he was a clasically repressed homa-sexhual. i’ll send the bill to his tomb…

  6. Bwaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa!

    My husband is Hungarian.

    Bwaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa

    I showed him and he is not amused.

    welcome to the gimcrack Kelly, I’ll be back to read more of your fabulous blog tonight – the babysitting story had me in stitches

  7. Sounds more like a Victorian English narcissist to me. Although we usually find people like ourselves most attractive, I have seen very attractive people of all kinds. And it is said the most beautiful people are the Polynesians, who are a mixture of all races. So take that you Finck.

  8. I reserve ear holding for oral.

  9. Wait…so what about all the weasley little guys with giant dirty teeth? or the giant dirty guys with weasley little teeth?

    What about them?

  10. I love this kind of f**ked up reasoning, the whole physionomogy and cranology stuff, lovely. Thanks.

  11. How can two statues kissing be so …….. interesting?

  12. ….even when there’s no ear holding?

  13. “arm around her neck, your fingers under her chin, raise the chin, then gently but firmly press your lips on hers”

    sounds a pretty good attempt… not perfect.. but getting there ,, kissing ears is better than holding …

  14. Rats. Holding her by the ears has always been the most potent weapon in my arsenal. Do you think I’m going to abandon it? Not on your life!

  15. I knew justice was a dirty slut, yeah liberty hit that!

    What oh sorry I went a little crazy there. Yeah french chicks are real ugly… excuse me I have to go back and stare at Ms Bardot for a few hours.

  16. Rassles has a good point – aren’t the Victorian Brit males those pasty little things that get so easily lost in the sheets? and alex has also nailed it – justice? cheap and easy…

  17. Ears and hair, Everyone knows that.

  18. Well if we didn’t before, we do now…..

  19. Damn. I’ve spent most of my life holding them down.

  20. Henry T. Finck (1887) was the first early psychologist to pose a theory of beauty.

    He was also the first early psychologist to never get any…and if said he did he lied.

  21. Last seen with his pants on fire…..

  22. I was chuckling through the whole post and comments but Then Anita’s comment actually made me roll in my chair laughing and choking.

    “hold his bride by the ears??” I’m thinking he’s used to working with shepherds.

    Anita, Finck did get some but his chosen ones all insisted on screaming, “Baa” the whole 2 minutes he usually lasted.

  23. I think Finck and Cato shared a dream…..

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