In 1915, H L Mencken published an essay on terms used for the human body.
“I undertook to arrange the parts of the body in 8 classes, beginning with the highly respectable and ending with the unmentionable. Into the highest Class I put the heart, brain, hair and eyes, into Class 2 the collarbone, stomach, liver, arms (excluding elbows), ears etc. Into class 3 the elbows, ankles and teeth (if natural), shoulders, neck etc. and so on. My class 6 included thighs, paunch, esophagus, spleen, pancreas, gallbladder and caecum and there I had to stop for the inmates of classes 7 and 8 could not be listed in print in those days of comstockery.”
the days of prudish Anthony Comstock are long gone so now it’s time for another gimcrack competition. You may enter up to three times but each entry has to be for a different body part. whoever comes up with the best synonym for breast, vulva, penis or testicle will win a copy of Oddly Australian (1984) with runners up receiving whatever else is in my prize stash on judging day.
So knock yourselves out and surprise me………
gimcrack hospital (PG) 
Ewwww! I don’t want to sit in those chairs. I name the penis in its flaccid state Little Lord Sleeping.
Penis – trouser sneezer
Breast – chest distraction
Vulva – sorry my mind’s gone blank
Here’s my short list for “penis”:
one-eyed giant
better than chocolate
chink-stopper
crack haunter
kidney scraper
cream stick
rump splitter
One of my favorite early ska recordings is One-eyed Giant, made in the ’60s by a Jamaican whose name I can’t remember.
those bean bag chairs are special.
Breasts: Snuggle Pups
Penis: The Bishop’s Staff
Testicles: My Boys
Vulva: Safest car on the road?
Boobs: The Great Pyramids … or The Twin Towers if you are older and they have since collapsed.
Penis: The Venus Probe
Testicles: The Odd Nuts
Vulva: Creation Space
oh, the pressure of a contest – when i’m COMPLETELY distracted by my newly discovered desperate need for a Polyp Chair…. when does the contest end? when exactly is judgement day?
Penis: Joy stick
Testicles: chin nuts (think about it)
Breasts: pillows from heaven
He He, what fun nursy .
testicle= family jewels
hmmn..
penis: trouser trout
breast: chimichangas
testicles: bilbo’s baggins…
Hey, I hope this link works … it shows on mine as correct but everyone else is telling me that the dot is missing between aggiesplace and blogspot. Should read as: http://aggiesplace.blogspot.com/
Cheers.
Sadly my well of ideas is dry at the moment but I look forward to seeing what others come up with.
are you squandering all your ideas on that screenplay?
Vagina- The great pink whale
Penis- The Harpoon
Testicles- white powder propulsion
Apart from those I’ve got nothing… heres a tip never play cricket then get drunk, then get more drunk and play guitar hero till 4.30 in the morning, whilst druinking even more. Its fun at the time but oh dear, that following day is a real son of a bitch.
Too bad we aren’t, um, coming up with masturbation terms. I know a lot of those. Waxing the dolphin is my favorite for men, auditioning the finger puppets for women.
Okay, on to the matters at, um, hand:
Penis:
Bald-headed Jesus
Bavarian Beefstick
Clam digger
Doughnut holder …
Vagina
Chia pet
Cha-Cha
Mrs. Sphincter’s next door neighbor
Passion flower
Tunnel of love
The Zone
Nuts, er, Testicles:
Plums
The Twins
Love Apples
Chestnuts (seems to be a food theme I’ve got going here)
penis: beaver cleaver
vagina: docking station (yeah. i hang with nerds.)
breasts: mountains of glory
ok that’s the spirit! I’m off to work soon so will mull it over during the day and choose the winners tonight
Breasticle – the odd superfluous third nipple that one might encounter now and then, knew a stripper that had one..,
penis- johnson or John Thursday, stolen from mssr. Henry Miller
vagina – hairy end of the gut
the best man at my wedding had four nipples. and isn’t there a male celebrity with a couple extra too? someone like mark wahlberg?
penis – where the rubber meets the road
vagina – the road; actually, the heavenly highway
vulva – the tollgate to the heavenly highway
breasts – handholds for the wild ride
I vote for thegnukid, his all go together so nicely. [Double entendre intended.]
Whoah! you guys make it really hard to choose. I think for sheer ingenuity and cleverness in linking them all together I have to award FIRST PRIZE to GNUKID
and so I can’t be accused of favouritism I wrote down every suggestion for each category and read them all out to Cherrie Ripe. She picked
Penis: Beaver Cleaver (Daisyfae)
Testicles: Love Apples (Beth)
Vagina: Docking Station (Daisyfae)
(after being forced to contemplate vaginas she refused to move up to breasts and seeing how I only have three prizes I let her off the hook.)
Congratulations Gnukid, Daisyfae and Beth and thanks so much to all who joined in