world cover up

according to Paul Ableman’s Anatomy of Nakedness (1982), if you chanced upon a woman in her bath, the part of her body she would choose to cover would differ from country to country.

“If she were a moslem she would cover her face, if chinese it would be her feet, sumatrans would hide their knees, samoans hide the navel, laotians cover their breasts and alaskans would rush to put the ornamental plug back in their lip”

I didn’t know alaskans wore lip plugs, have always associated them with africans. there are some amazing images at www.ezakwantu.com which is where I found this one. But it’s well worth visiting the site for yourself to see the man with a lip plug, ipod and machine gun…..

perhaps I should consult fevah from nearby tonga about samoan women’s navels but while doing my own research I found this interesting site about traditional tattooing. apparently the navel or pute is the last part of the body to be tattooed and also the most painful.

Laotians may well cover their breasts when surprised in the bath but this gorgeous photo shows they sometimes cover other parts. you can read about Catzie at this site where you can also vote for the Manicured Playmate of the Year

she’s based in Phily so I’m not even sure if she is Laotian but the scarf certainly is. it reminds me of the way the women in vietnam dress up like bank robbers when they’re riding their motorbikes around town.

bathykolpian…..

…. is a wonderful word meaning deep bosomed

Plastic surgeon Patrick Mallucci has come up with a formula for perfection based on research into topless models who have not gone under the knife. He has come up with a list of attributes and a specific ratio to use as a template.

Mr Mallucci said that an attractive breast has a balanced proportion between the upper and lower halves, with the nipple sitting about 45 per cent down from the top, pointing slightly upward.

The Bra Fitting Room doesn’t use fruit names when comparing bosom shapes. Instead they go for “easy to remember” descriptions such as “shelfy”

Mr Thomas Peng, who was “online and wanting to chat now” when I was looking at his “Bra Enhancer Extra Bra Bra Shaper Bra” can help women who want “that perfect upright shape”.

“It can effectively support the breast by lift up the slack and droopy breast thus improve the shape of the breast effectively. Furthermore, it also redistributes excess fat and bulges from the sides of the armpits for a well shaped breast.”

I was too busy researching this post to chat with Mr Peng, but his product sounds like it would work well with these cucumbers…..

til the cows come home

according to this site, the urine from bulls and cows can cure many things including alcoholism, baldness, calculus, infertility and insanity.

“Just by smelling bull’s urine, infertile women can conceive.”

as far as I know Delores Del Raye didn’t believe their urine had any magical properties, but she liked to incorporate bull paraphenalia into her stripping act.

“Dolores Del Raye, who is best known for her matador strip-tease act in which she uses a long, nasty-looking bull whip, dreamed up a clever scheme not long ago to get her name in the papers. Between engagements in Southern California, Dolores took a jaunt south of the border to Tijuana, Mexico. Here she attended a bull fight and put on an unscheduled performance during a lull in the festivities. While spectators roared their approval, Dolores entered the bull ring to try her hand at taming a bull.

Dolores confessed later that she felt mighty naked at the time, although she was fully clothed for the event, because she had forgotten to bring her trusty bull whip with her. Her only means of defense against a none-too-friendly bull turned out to be a red G-string, a prop which she often uses for picture purposes in lieu of the traditional cape.”

nursemyra grew up in new zealand where the butter produced from kiwi cows is the most delicious ever tasted. several of our gimcrack patients are also from the land of the long white cloud and one of them told me the secret to making butter is to get an ugly person to look at the cream which will cause it to “turn”

the popularity of cowgirls has not declined over the years. wantedcowgirls.com have some great images of female gunslingers, some of which I’ve never seen before like this one of Janet Leigh in a corset

and don’t forget to check out the king of all things bovine over at tetherdcow.com. He’s over in hollywood making a movie at the moment but if we give him some attention he may post again soon…..

Bartholin, boozing and burnups

Thomas Bartholin, leading anatomist of the 17th century, believed in the theory of spontaneous human combustion. He also endorsed medicinal use of the unicorn, believed childbirth by mouth was possible and that a cow could be pregnant with 40 puppies. He was not alone in his belief in SHC. In the 17th and 18th centuries, many people favoured the hypothesis that alcohol saturation made a drinker’s body flammable.

The Germans had great faith in liquid manure as a preventative for SHC. When a man believed himself to be at risk after a booze-up, he shovelled large quantities of liquid manure into his mouth. Swedish folklore prescribed human urine, preferably freshly voided by a woman, to be thrown into the flaming mouth of a burning drunkard.

In 1991, a 32 year old habitual drunkard was taken to a Boston hospital for evaluation of a seizure. He had another fit while there and doctors were mystified to observe that the seizure activity changed after a few minutes, with the man arching his back and frantically slapping his thighs while smoke billowed up from around his abdomen. When his clothes were removed the cause was discovered: two books of matches in his back pocket had rubbed together and burst into flames.

sex by the stars

Lifeoracle.com has some advice on sexual relationships by the stars. I know you busy people haven’t got time to read it all so here’s the abbreviated nursemyra version

Capricorn women don’t need much foreplay, they are also scratchers and screamers. A Capricorn man expects women to be willing and ready whenever he wants them.

Aquarian women prefer to have sex standing up and in water. Aquarian men can be relied upon to give two orgasms per session.

 

Piscean women seldom say no. Piscean men are submissive and like sex in a chair.

Women born under the sign of Aries will have sex anywhere. A male Aries? Sleeping with him is like playing croquet with live bombs.

Taurean women like having their toes sucked. Taurean men go for long luxurious oral sex.

The female Gemini is a one woman harem. Gemini men? Fast and furious, with the lights on and in front of a mirror.

Women born under the sign of Cancer have a fondness for masturbation. Cancerian men have a surprising technique: intercourse with no hands.

Female Leos are sleek, lascivious, enticing and lazy. Male Leos like their women in submissive positions.

Virgo women love mutual masturbation. Virgo men are obsessed with pornography.

Female Librans have unusual control of their vaginal muscles and like any position where their buttocks are exposed. Male Librans are kinky voyeurs.

Inquisitive, experimental Scorpio women like vibrators. Male Scorpios like to fuck on the floor.

Female Sagittarians don’t mind if their men come too quickly. Male Sagittarians like to have sex with women in stockings.

 

corset friday 5.12.2008

I had to breathe very deeply to get myself into this deep indigo corset. My waist is nowhere near as small as it looks, the corset just has excellent boning. Quite frankly I’ll be happy to get back out of it and into my popeye tracksuit pants…..

 

 

visions of vulva

a recent nursemyra tutorial concerned penis names gleaned from the perfumed garden. Today we move on to names for the female organs

“As regards the vulva called el feurdj, the slit, it has this name because it opens and shuts again when hotly yearning for coitus. The person who dreams of having seen the vulva, feurdj, of a woman will know that ‘if he is in trouble God will free him of it; if he is in a perplexity he will soon get out of it; and lastly if he is in poverty he will soon become wealthy”

Generally speaking, to see the vulva in dreams is a good sign; so it is of good augury to dream of coition, and he who sees himself in the act, and finishing with the ejaculation, will meet success in all his affairs. But it is not the same with the man who merely begins coition and does not finish it. He, on the contrary, will be unlucky in every enterprise.

El cheukk (the chink)–The vulva of a bony, lean woman. It is like a chink in a wall, with not a vestige of flesh. May God keep us from it!

 Abou tertour (the crested one)–It is the name given to a vulva furnished with a red comb, like that of a cock, which rises at the moment of enjoyment.

Abou khochime (the snub-nose)–Is a vulva with thin lips and a small tongue.

El gueunfond (the hedgehog)–The vulva of the old, decrepit woman, dried up with age and with bristly hair.

El sakouti (the silent one)–This name has been given to the vulva that is noiseless. The member may enter it a hundred times a day but it will not say a word, and will be content to look on without a murmur.

El deukkak (the crusher)–So called from its crushing movements upon the member. It generally begins to push the member, directly it enters, to the right and to the left, and to grip it with the matrix, and would, if it could, absorb also the two testicles.

El tseguil (the importunate)–This is the vulva which is never tired of taking in the member. This latter might pass a hundred nights with it, and walk in a hundred times every night, still that vulva would not be sated–nay, it would want still more, and would not allow the member to come out again at all, if it was possible. The vulva is the pursuer, the member the pursued. Luckily it is a rarity, and only found in a small number of women, who are wild with passion, all on fire, and in flame.

El aride (the large one)–This is the vulva which is as wide as it is long; that is to say, fully developed all round, from side to side, and from the pubis to the perineum. It is the most beautiful to look upon. It is also said that this name applies to the vagina of women who are plump and fat. When such a one crosses her thighs one over the other the vulva stands out like the head of a calf.

El meusboul (the long one)–This name applies only to some vulvas; everyone knows that vulvas are far from being all of the same conformation and aspect This vulva extends from the pubis to the anus. It lengthens out when the woman is lying down or standing, and contracts when she is sitting, differing in this respect from the vulva of a round shape. It looks like a splendid cucumber lying between the thighs.

forget the pigeon, bring me a housebreaker

artwork by Harry Tanner

today we return to the perfumed garden to learn some alternative names for the penis.

El hamama (the pigeon), because after having been swelled out it resembles, at the moment when it returns to repose, a pigeon sitting on her eggs. El teunnana (the tinkler) So called because every time it enters or comes out of the vulva in coition it makes a noise.

El heurmak (the indomitable) It has received this name because when in a state of erection it begins to move its head, searching for the entrance to the vulva till it has found it, and it then walks in quite insolently, without asking leave.

artwork by Ballivet

El zeub (the verge) From the word deub, which means creeping. This name was given to the member because when it gets between a woman’s thighs and feels a plump vulva it begins to creep upon the thighs and the Mount of Venus, then approaches the entrance of the vulva, and keeps creeping in until it is in possession and is comfortably lodged, and having it all its own way penetrates into the middle of the vulva, there to ejaculate.

El zoddame (the crowbar) It is called so because when it meets the vulva and the same will not let it pass in directly, it forces the entrance with its head, breaking and tearing everything, like a wild beast in the rutting season.

Mochefi el relil (the extinguisher of passion) This name is given to a member which is large, strong, and slow to ejaculate; such a member satisfies most completely the amorous wishes of a woman; for, after having wrought her up to the highest pitch, it allays her excitement better than any other. When it wants to get into the vulva, and arriving at the portal finds it closed, it laments, begs and promises: ‘Oh! my love! let me come in, I will not stay long.’ And when it has been admitted, it breaks its word, and makes a long stay, and does not take its leave till it has satisfied its ardour by the ejaculation of the sperm, coming and going, tilting high and low, and rummaging right and left.

El âouame (the swimmer) Because when it enters the vulva it does not remain in one favourite place, but, on the contrary, turns to the right, to the left, goes forward, draws back, and then moves like a swimmer in the middle amongst its own sperm and the fluid furnished by the vulva, as if in fear of drowning and trying to save itself.

El dekhal (the housebreaker) Merits that name because on coming to the door of the vulva this one asks, ‘What do you want?’ ‘I want to come in!’ ‘Impossible! I cannot take you in on account of your size.’ Then the member insists that the other one should only receive its head, promising not to come in entirely; it then approaches, rubs its head twice or thrice between the vulva’s lips, till they get humid and thus lubricated, then introduces first its head, and after, with one push, plunges in up to the testicles.

El mostahi (the shame-faced one) This sort of member which is met with sometimes, is capable of feeling ashamed and timid when facing a vulva which it does not know, and it is only after a little time that it gets bolder and stiffens. Sometimes it is even so much troubled that it remains incompetent for the coitus, which happens in particular when a stranger is present, in which case it becomes quite incapable of moving.

El lezzaz (the unionist) Received that name because as soon as it is in the vulva it pushes and works till fur meets fur, and even makes efforts to force the testicles into it.

catching crabs

we have a few patients with missing body parts at the gimcrack. some have colostomy bags so they’re obviously minus a part of their bowel. Five of the women have had mastectomies, and there are two diabetics with only one foot.

artwork by Gene Bilbrew

Mister G. has part of an ear missing and Mister K has only three fingers on his left hand. I’m not sure whether or not I should believe him but he says he lost it to a mud crab. I suppose it’s feasible as Australian muddies have fearsome pincers. Just in case you ever come face to face with one here’s how to tie your muddie up tight…..

sometime in the not too distant future scientists hope that humans will be able to grow new body parts to replace those lost through illness or accident. already they have isolated stem cells from a 69 year old man’s fat and used them to cultivate bone for a jaw transplant.

I don’t really get the fetish for missing limbs though I do admire an interesting prosthesis. Viktoria, featured here in Bizarre Magazine, makes being minus a limb look very sexy indeed. There are no photos of Carl Menson on this site but the short interview makes for interesting reading as he describes how to perform a self amputation. Needless to say, that last link is not for the squeamish……..

through an eyeglass darkly

artwork by Richard Wilkinson

nursemyra has been reading a 1984 book about Australian Oddities. One of these oddballs is Geoff Baker who wears a glass eye made in Taiwan featuring an Illawara Steelers Football club badge. He also owns one depicting the Australian flag. This reminded me of a holiday job I once had as a housemaid at the Norfolk Island Hotel. People left the strangest things behind in vacated rooms, most mystifying was the woman who must have boarded a plane without first inserting her false teeth and glass eye.

artwork by Eric Adler

Have you ever wondered how glass eyes are fitted and made? Here’s a link to a short video that shows the painstaking detail involved. It may make you a little queasy at times but the young girl’s smile at the end makes it all worthwhile…..

As a child, my eldest son had a friend who had lost an eye in an accident. While in hospital recovering he was visited by Michael Jackson who was touring Australia at the time. Don’t know if he received an invitation to Neverland but he did go through a disconcerting stage of walking backwards for a while.

image found here