did you leave a pearl necklace in my car?

lamarde

according to Dr Herbert Hoffman, the car a man dreams about and yearns for is closely tied to his sexual ambitions. 

Sports car: This man fantasises about sexually aggressive females who would find him irresistible

erickroll

image by Eric Kroll

Prestige car: This man dreams of romance, exotic surroundings, satin sheets and expensive hotels

palaceinterior

Solid type sedan: This man is comfortable in familiar surroundings. He fantasises about women he knows and he avoids the unusual

Station wagon or van: This man wants a long term relationship with someone who shares every facet of his life

mobile-x-ray

Four wheel drive: This man dreams of love in the great outdoors. He admires women with physical endurance

our-bus

Two door coupe: This man seeks a woman with brains who is sexually knowledgeable

One of a kind customised car: This man dreams of being a sexual Superman

sleddingwithjesus

I dunno, seems like a lot of crap to me but it gives me an excuse to resurrect an old car story.  It was originally posted way back at the beginning of my blog but subsequently deleted in a flurry of housekeeping so it’s doubtful that any readers will remember

The story began when I went out one night wearing a pair of opera length latex gloves. It had taken an inordinate amount of baby powder and assistance from my son (the younger straight one – the experience probably scarred him for life) to get into them so they were still on when I was driving home around 5.00 am. While waiting for a red light to change I noticed an air bubble on the wrist of one glove so I pushed it up to the top where it exploded in a fountain of talc and perspiration all over my face and neck.

nursemyra wasn’t the only one who was surprised at this turn of events – there was a carful of teenage boys stopped next to me at the lights. they probably guessed what I’d been up to…………

pearl-necklace-posters

image by John Carroll Doyle found here

Published in: on February 5, 2009 at 7:34 am  Comments (35)  

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35 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’ve always wanted a garage full of all different types of cars.

  2. Great story lol…
    I need to find a man who has a 2 door four wheel drive prestige car… a match made in heaven 😉

  3. What had you been up to, Nursie?

  4. How did you get them off again?

  5. GB: It was the night of my 3 month anniversary with Stephen. Bitter-sweet memories there

    Azahar: with great difficulty 🙂

  6. That ones actually pretty accurate. I’m a sedan man myself… maybe with a huge donk though… wait, does that mean… I was never confused!

    Sweat and talc… Thats a recipe for a good night who ever you are!

  7. Uh-oh. My first car was a one-of-a-kind two-door coupe.

  8. I’m not a car guy. I prefer not to think about my car when I’m not in it going from point a to point b. But when I am traveling I like knowing that I get good gas mileage.

  9. What if i like to walk or take trains? i guess the walking means i like to cruise hooker and solicit drugs and i can only guess what pyschological ramifications a train has… opera length latex gloves? i can only guess what those would be used for… big smile.

  10. All Canadians use toboggans and dogsleds*. What’s that make them?

    * Warning: Urban myth being exploited for rhetorical purposes!

  11. I can’t imagine there’s a man on the planet who would actually dream of owning a station wagon or van. It’s the vehicle preference for eunuchs.

    That’s a great story! Wish it had an accompanying photo.

  12. i’ve never mastered latex – partly because the pre-work is exhausting! impressed that you still had energy to use them after getting them on! i like my cars like i like my gents… fast (sports cars) and rugged (jeep). which is why i’ll never likely settle for just one. car.

  13. I don’t own a car.

    I wish I could get by without one Kurt. You must have a good public transport system where you live

  14. I notice there is no mention of bicycles …….

  15. Uh oh, this doesn’t look good – I have a scooter.

    Kyk, my BMF has a scooter. Scooters rock!

  16. I have a Volvo S70 and a 4-wheel Drive Pickup. I guess that means I want to do it in my backyard. Unfortunately, I don’t have one of those.

  17. @ kyknoord, I had a Lambretta in my youth – I was soooo cool 🙂

  18. Well, technically, a coupe or roadster is a vehicle with two doors and no top.

    So, in the summer, my Scout is a coupe. As well as a four wheel drive year round. I guess that would mean I like chicks with brains, prowess, physical stamina, and the ability to make coffee over a fire. That’s going on a Match.com profile someday, I swear to god.

    Sorry I’ve been such a stranger.

  19. Archie: keep telling yourself that darlin’

    Casey: I love your post today, resonates with how I feel since Stephen died.

  20. Hmm, I think the 2-door coupe would be more my style of guy.
    I’m allergic to latex … so ….

  21. hi Abigail, hope you’re enjoying Waitangi Day

  22. my whole life has been hondas and volkswagons.
    but when i’m out of town, i rent-a-car.
    is that sluttish behavior?
    no. but…
    what about people that take the bus?!!!

  23. Am I the only one interested in what else the good nurse was wearing that night along with those latex gloves? Is it an outfit we’ve seen on a Corset Friday?

    not that particular night. It was just a coat, gloves and boots. the coat came off, the other two items stayed on

  24. My husband loves sports cars.
    Just Saying.

  25. My particular mode of transport is a horse and carriage. I think that means that I am hung like a stallion, and like a long, rough ride.

  26. I’m a bus lady. I guess that says I like them long.

  27. A couple of days ago i wrote a post about the recurrent dream i’ve been having about driving a truck. I posted it just now.

    I wonder what dreaming about driving a truck means to Doc Hoffman.

  28. So THAT’S why I like 4 wheel drive, it’s always bothered me not knowing! 🙂

  29. I love it when the boots stay on 😉

  30. I don’t buy the car thing either but I would have loved to have seen the latex glove explosion.

  31. I drive a convertible coupe but prefer to travel on my motorcycle.

    What does that say about me?

  32. that you like to cover your brains with a helmet?

  33. Weeell …

    Arriving late to say that I’m a train man for preference: I like several of them all in a row, I guess.

    However, I love my Nash Metropolitan and my 1973 Yamaha U7e (aka the Twenty-First Century Sex Machine).

    Someone once asked me how I could bear to be seen on the 21CSM. I responded that when you consider the reason men buy Harleys and Hummers, a battered old machine like that can only mean that I am ultra-secure in my sexuality.

  34. sounds good to me

  35. I own a conversion van, a 4 w/d pickup truck, an antique motorcycle, and a go-cart! What does that make me?


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