does she get to swallow?

Mormon crickets like their females to be plump and meaty. The males will test the weight of horny females who try to jump them.

netsuke1“If two would-be courtesans arrive simultaneously when a male gives his mating call, the females will then fight over him. The winning female clambers on to the male’s back and they link genitalia. This is ‘decision time’ for the male. Instead of proceeding to pass across his large succulent spermatophore, he may well disengage and walk away with an unmistakable ‘not today’ gesture.

namio-holidayThis happens because he can distinguish the difference between a plump egg-laden lady cricket and a stick thin one. Small females, though they may make numerous attempts to land a male probably die while still spinsters, but their heftier sisters will enjoy a whole string of matings.

meerschaum-pipeOnce the male makes his choice, he’ll have sex while she eats the huge spermatophore he produces. This isn’t your usual blob of sperm, it’s packed with nutrients and is a veritable banquet for the lucky lard arse lady cricket.

Another strange thing about the Mormon cricket is apparently they hate rock music.

They hate it so much that residents of Tuscarora, Nevada, fight this pest with a perimeter of boom boxes and stereos playing hard rock, tuning to local radio station KHIX. They don’t want to kill them, but not because they are a bunch of tree-huggin green commie hippies, but because when you kill them they smell horriblenurse-in-gas-mask

Published in: on May 4, 2009 at 8:47 am  Comments (41)  

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41 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Spinster Crickets. LOL! I never knew they had an ear for music. By the way, I hope I’m not causing you alarm given my last blog entry and all. LOL!

  2. Ricardo you only cause me to feel all hot and bothered but never alarmed 😉

  3. Likes large females eh? An insect with taste.

    On huge spermatophores there is a fruitfly that produces a single sperm 20 times longer than its own body.

  4. I wouldn’t like to get that caught in the back of my throat

  5. I don’t get the second picture. Why would a woman want to sit on the back of a man’s head? It’s much to smooth.

  6. I get the scrimshaw but what about that first piece? Are they salt & pepper shakers? LOL!

  7. I like heads with ridges 😉

  8. The females approach the males!? If only humans were like that! My 20s would have been more eventful.

  9. Since you did me the favor of commenting at my humble digs, I thought I’d Return the favor. Interesting place. I rarely see erotic meerschaum, dammit.

    • hey thanks cbulitt, we love new faces at the gimcrack

  10. Y’know, when two women are simultaneously clamoring for my sexual attention, I find that to be kind of a turn off also.

  11. a critter that can only deliver once – even if it’s a BIG ‘once’ – might leave me a bit annoyed…

  12. As I suspected, the usual crowd of reprobates who frequent my digs will be scoping you out, as it were. They will love it here.

    • as long as they’re not just coming for corset fridays

  13. Whoa.

    I totally could have used that for Penis Week on my blog.

    • maybe next year….?

  14. ‘an unmistakable ‘not today’ gesture’

    I’ve been on the receiving end of a few of those in my time 😦

  15. and that’s from the wife !!! 😳

    • no need for the blush duncan, we’re all friends here 🙂

  16. I’ve always been a tad suspicious of Mormons …….

  17. Lutheran crickets also hate rock music.

  18. Heads with ridges? You mean you like mountain gorillas. Or badgers?

    • anything bony gets my attention xoggoth

  19. I like the part where two females are going after one guy. Lucky bastard…

  20. Hmm, I’m not sure you would accomplish much clambering onto a male back …

  21. Is that where they got the idea in Mars Attacks?

  22. I think I might have to take up pipe smoking…

  23. wow that means I still have a chance with Donny .. he is a Mormon 😉

  24. It would be a cold day in hell before I disengaged and walked away with a ‘not today’ gesture.

    Unless of course I got stuck with one of the two heftie sisters!

  25. i’ve been thumbing through my betty baker crock book and simply cannot find a recipe for “Succulent Spermatophore”… now what do i do? -signed- dismayed potential suitor

  26. Some might think that the Mormon Cricket would just take 2 mates but on HBO.

  27. I guess it must be hard to concentrate on eatting spermatophore with rock music blaring away in the background.

  28. Hot and bothered, eh? Proud to be of service.

  29. Although I’m glad to hear there are creatures who like hefty females (being one myself), I am glad I do not interact with ones that smell horrible when you kill them. Oh, wait..

  30. Um… why are they called ‘Mormon’ crickets?

  31. because they’re ‘bent’ that way perhaps?

  32. Maybe they were crickets that were crawling across Joseph Smith’s golden tablets when he found them?

  33. Crickets with a “reality” show. Who would’ve thought it?

  34. welcome to the Gimcrack Gnus. Make yourself at home here, we’re a friendly bunch.

  35. I’ve seen a lot of bodies in unusual positions on beaches (and I’m richer for it). That one is new to me. Thank you.

  36. you’re welcome beach bum xx

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