upsuck in action

Last year The Australian published an excerpt from Mary Roach’s excellent book Bonk.

“For centuries physicians put stock in an anatomical event called upsuck. They believed that a woman who had an orgasm during sex had a higher chance of conception because the contractions sucked the semen through the cervix and on up into the uterus. (“I am of the opinion that the vulva of Your Most Sacred Majesty should be titillated for some length of time before intercourse,” counselled the physician of the then childless Hapsburg empress Maria Theresa.)

HabsbergThe 19th-century gynaecologist Joseph Beck claimed to have witnessed upsuck in action, via a patient with a prolapsed uterus (meaning her cervix was parked in plain view inside the opening of her vagina). “At the height of excitement,” he wrote, the cervix made “five or six successive gasps, as it were“. (This was a woman of such “passionate nature” that simply stroking her cervix three times, Beck claimed, would bring on an orgasm. My gynaecologist didn’t buy it; she pointed out that the cervix has so few nerve endings that biopsies can be taken without anaesthesia.


gasp2Dickinson laid the hokum to rest by sliding test tubes up the vaginas of agreeable patients and peering through with a headlamp. Wielding his test-tube spyglass, Dickinson ascertained that head-on penis to cervix contact was rare and interlocking highly unlikely. A century later, magnetic resonance imaging put the notion to rest for certain. A pair of Dutch street acrobats named Jupp and Ida were scanned in the act inside an MRI tube at the University of Groningen, by Willibrord Weijmar Schultz and Pek van Andel, who claimed Leonardo’s coition figures as their inspiration.


Oral Sex Headlight-thumb

What else has mankind gained from Jupp and Ida? A tremendous fudge factor, should mankind wish to boast about the length of its organ. Before Schultz and van Andel’s MRI, anatomists hadn’t realised how much of the penis lies hidden below the body’s surface. The root is nearly two-thirds the length of the pendulous part. So if your erection is, say, 15cm long, go ahead and call it 25. I’ll back you up

untrtasound flaccid 01 ultrasound erect

images found here. click to enlarge 


Published in: on May 26, 2009 at 8:10 am  Comments (30)  

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30 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. i can’t sleep tonight. i have a prolapsed memory, or something. the mind is gasping. i’m not pregnant, nor orgasming. extended foreplay would likely put me to sleep. in fact, i’ll wander back to bed now, refreshed by my nursed myra moment.

  2. you’re welcome Sera 😉

  3. The penis theory is an eye opener. All I can think of now is an iceberg and how it’s tip shows while the real thing bobs rhythmically below the surface.

  4. Phew! Now I can feel secure in rebuking my girlfriend’s derisive laughter whenever I take my pants off in front of her, by saying, “There’s more where this comes from”, and finally mean it! Thanks, Nursemyra! lol

  5. Oral Sex light?
    I wonder what would happen in case of a heavy sex dosage ?
    Also the embedded hidden penis theory was a great confidence booster. Foundation is the key here, not the flag pole 😀


  6. “sliding test tubes up the vaginas of agreeable patients” – I wonder how many disagreeable patients were around. I suppose during the experiment you’d need someone nice to chat to ……

  7. does the earpiece on the oral sex light have bluetooth? might be nice for the guy who needs a little coaching from a friend….

  8. Just wanted to say i love your blog, ive never seen anything like it! Be back often, and thanks for frequently checking out!

    • hey thanks Woosk. It seems we have a mutual admiration society thing going on 😉

  9. Shit !!!

    I misread that ‘vaginas of agreeable patients’ to mean ‘fanciable women’ (as in women the experimentor wouldn’t mind shafting) rather than women willing to co-operate with the experiment.

    Sorry 😳

  10. Never believe a gynecologist. Nerve endings come in all flavors for one thing. I was a witness to the way my uterus wiggled out of the way when some clumsy prick tried to grab the cervix with a tenaculum. Have you ever seen a tenaculum? It looks like spaghetti tongs. I said “watch it with that tenaculum” and because I was only the patient who wasn’t supposed to know difficult things like the names of instruments, he gave me the dirtiest look you can imagine.

    Granted, that wasn’t the upsuck in question, but it did upsuck.

  11. “The root is nearly two-thirds the length of the pendulous part” ??????????????

    That would mean mine is ‘actually’ two feet in length 😆

  12. Maybe the oral sex light is just to check for open sores.

  13. Dude, that headlamp is awesome. Usually people have to duct tape flashlights to their heads or something. Makes ’em look like they’re going spelunking.

  14. My husband will be so happy to hear he has a cock that extends further than the eye can see.

  15. In the immortal words of Mr. Spock: Fascinating.

  16. Anyone want to do a fascinating scientific experiment?

    It involves a penis, some rubber bands, two pieces of brown bread, a potted plant and a shoe.

    Results will be posted on NurseMyra’s site in the coming weeks…

    • Is “brown bread” code for something?

  17. Fascinating info! And interesting comments too…sorta like ‘The Vagina Blogalogues” !

  18. I also have a Mercedes in the garage, but I’ll never get to use it either.

  19. I learn so much when I visit here. I thought upsuck was something completely different.

  20. I cannot for the life of me imagine doing it in an MRI tube. Thanks to the brave pioneers who gave their all for this study, so that we could know that a penis is hidden much like an iceberg. That sounds wrong, somehow.

  21. It makes it sound like the penis is a great white shark.

    Woman goes in the cage. Cage goes into the bedroom. Penis is in the bedroom. Our penis.

  22. Today, I am well-endowed. (I began stuffing my pants, you see…)

  23. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it must have been to do it in an MRI. But all in the name of science.

  24. And there I was thinking you had to remain motionless in an MRI – hmm perhaps someone’s having us on (or having it off?).

    All that upsuck business reminds me of William Chidley and his ‘natural coition’ – he used to hand out flyers to passing strangers in Melbourne at the turn of the century IIRC. They even wrote a play about his (as you might guess) fairly tragic life…

    The King

    • King Willy, are you trying to teach your grandmother how to suck eggs?

      And it’s true about the acrobats having sex in an MRI. Seriously, you should read “Bonk” by Mary Roach, it’s fascinating. I’d lend you the copy I’ve got but it’s due back at the library.

  25. Sorry Grandma, you can step away from the eggs, I hadn’t realised it was already required reading at the Gimcrack…

    Remember I’m only a day boy not an inmate (yet)

    The Humbled Monarch

    • Why does the term day-boy sound so erotic?

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