very heavy rescue

I read this wonderful little snippet in Mary Roach‘s entertaining book Bonk.

In San Francisco, cock ring emergencies are so common that they have their own shorthand (“C-Ring”) on the Fire Department teletype. The department’s heavy rescue squad has a modified small circular drill especially for this purpose and occasionally stages practice drills. The latter prove challenging owing to the absence of manipulable genitilia on resuscitation dolls and the refusal of male staff to volunteer as mock victims.



The latest cock rings do more than just enhance your erection. The sex counter will also keep a record of how many thrusts (or bonks per minute) you make per session. 

only 33

33 BPM is not very impressive. I’m pretty sure Sean Connery could do better. And he wouldn’t need any enhancing rings……..

sean connery as zardoz


Published in: on May 28, 2009 at 8:32 am  Comments (31)  

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31 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Cock ring…hmmm isn’t that known as the ‘telephone’ at Gimcrack?

    The King

  2. That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. A rescue tool for a cock ring?

    • If you’ve been reading the Gimcrack for a while, it’s not the strangest thing on here…..

  3. I don’t want a small circular drill near my cock! Can’t I just look at a photo of Joan Rivers instead?

  4. A penis pump currently being advertised on TV is covered by Medicare.

  5. Zardoz says the penis is EVIL, haven’t you seen the movie?

    • No, I didn’t even know of its existence until I saw that priceless image of Connery

  6. 33 is like my most favourite number

  7. “Cock Ring Emergency” is the name of my next band. Seriously. That’s a keeper!

  8. It’s just a matter of time before they come with a built in MP3 player. If they haven’t yet, there’s a fortune to be made…

  9. Very encouraging – I believe that Sean Connery is older than me *flex* …… tra la la la la …..

  10. Sean Connery in Zardoz:
    Officially the worst costume EVER!

    Bikini lederhosen is never a good look.

    And about the ‘thrusts per minute’ thingy:

    Surely speed is not the most important thing here?
    Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow is best in my humble opinion.

    Opinions are like assholes – and mine stinks!

  11. It’s amazing how many people remember Zardoz. It was truly craptacular.

  12. With a few good drinks and the right woman I bet I could make that cock-o-meter roll over.

    • I bet you could too renalfailure 😉

  13. Bonks Per Minute? BPMS…

    Sounds awfully automotive. Hopefully the wearer has something better than a four stroke engine.

  14. Oh dear. I must rent Zardoz again and experience the true awfulness of that costume once more.

  15. There is a very sexual part in Zardoz where Connery (as a “brutal”) gets a boner on command for the woman boss.

    • Suddenly it’s starting to sound like my sorta movie 😉

  16. I can’t be clever because I’m totally cracking up right now.

  17. Truly, there is no way of enhancing Sean Connery. He is a god.

  18. I think Sean’s getting a bit long in the tooth to be beating 33 bpm.

  19. Stupid innovators. Coming up with silly thingys such as counters. Why can’t the buggers do some maths?
    With 100 million acts of sexual intercourse happening every day, each having an average of 225 thrusts per act, imagine how many million watts of power could be generated only if a couple of ring magnets are attached to the shaft with appropriate ingenuity. 😀

    • If there’s 100 million a day, why aren’t I getting any?

  20. Thanks….can I have a cigarette now? I love to blow cock rings in the air!

  21. I like rofi indian’s idea of harnessing sexual energy as a fuel source. How brilliant!

    • ingenious indeed Dan

  22. I’ve been running my microwave off mine for three years now but I notice that things heat up unevenly. I heard a Dr. Mary Roach talk in the middle of the night last night on the radio show where the guy quotes you Ms. Nurse and she said the sows do have their clitoris inside their vaginas and that upsuck is true among swine so farmers stimulate their sows in the Netherlands to increase litter size. At least I think that’s what she said; it was 3am and I was drowsy.

    Andy Driftedof

  23. Indeed it would have been what she was saying as I read about that in her book too.

    In fact it led me to do some more research about swine stimulation as you’ll see by today’s post 😉

  24. Mary Roach is an amazing author. I loved her book about ghosts and whatnot. I’ve wanted to get this one, but have had other things on my plate. Now, with this reminder, I may have to go shopping . . .

  25. Run to the bookshop tysdaddy – it’s a fantastic read

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