squeeze and please rods

honking stage

All this talk about swine ‘flu has led nursemyra to investigate safe breeding techniques for delicious bacon. The Swine Artificial Insemination Guide for Beginners told me almost all I need to know

Make sure the sow or gilt is in standing heat. To confirm standing heat look for secondary signs such as ear popping, mucous and an engorged clitoris. Stimulate her by allowing nose to nose contact with a boar. Sit on the sow’s back and rub her flanks while artificially inseminating her.


 toothy pig

There’s also another technique which involves “squeeze and please” rods. Unfortunately for the sow, nose to nose contact, back-sitting and flank-rubbing are all deemed undesirable while using this method. For the farmer perhaps, but not for the unlucky sow. 


The people at Secrepro have developed BoarBot for those who can’t manage just by using the Beginners Guide alone.

The boar is tied to the Boarbot with a rope that attaches to a leather harness that straps around the Boar’s shoulders.
 The rope is tied low, near the boar’s chest, so it is unable to get any lift and tip the Boarbot over.
 Since he is tethered behind the machine, the boar can come in direct physical contact with the sows. Possibility to inseminate alone with Boar Bot.

boar botNow if you want something to take your mind off swine insemination go check out what you can do with these cute little critters over at geekologie



Published in: on May 31, 2009 at 7:46 am  Comments (26)  

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26 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I know someone who manufactures equipment to make various animals ejaculate …. the one for bulls is a fearsome object ….. even you might tremble young Nursey ……

  2. I’m sure I would!

  3. Here’s something that I can suggest in place of the ‘squeeze and please rod’, which not only the boars but the swine breeders too shall find extremely agreeable. Its a foot long hollow bamboo tube with cleverly placed holes on one side. When inserted into the tooshie of the boars, these tubes would serve two purposes – one of stimulating the animal into a sexual frenzy, and two, whenever the boar sneezes, the tube would make a shrill sound, thereby warning the breeder of a possible flu attack. I’ve cleverly named this instrument Swine Flute. I hope you’ll appreciate.

  4. You’d better sprint to the patent office with that suggestion Rofl

  5. i need a new hobby and i LOVE bacon… hmmm….

  6. I cannot wait until I’m sitting next to someone who has a BLT on their plate. I know EXACTLY what to say.

  7. Boar bot sounds like Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s enemy.

  8. Do we WANT to breed anymore potential flu spreaders???

    • Well it’s human contact that’s spreading the ‘flu so I’m happy to keep promoting bacon 😉

  9. Where’s Miss Piggy’s opinion?

  10. I didn’t know pigs or other non-primates had clitorises. Next door’s bitch certainly does not appear to have. It’s hard not to notice, when she is in heat she lies on her back licking her fanny. Why can’t women do that?

  11. Hey! we would if we could……

  12. That second sow appears to have been cross-pollinated with a turkey.

  13. I’m actually a professional swine inseminator, but my day job is a trapeze artist. If trapeze work slows down, then I’ll go back to professionally inseminating swine. Hmm, maybe I’ll consider selling real estate instead.

    • There is a trapeze in your office?????

  14. I was interested in the “squeeze and please” rods. I think they might be useful to us women.

  15. This is both all, and more than I ever wanted to know about the reproduction of pigs… thank you nurse 😉

    • you’re welcome Alex

  16. It always creeps me out seeing animals with human teeth. Well, except for Aardman Animations.

  17. Hi there!
    Trying to get together a secret surprise blanket for Zoom in her rough time right now. Will you email me if you’re interested in contributing a knit square?
    (Forgive me if I’ve already contacted you — I may be duplicating my efforts now…..)

  18. will email you now

  19. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were my High School Sex-ed teacher…

  20. hi there bschooled, welcome to the gimcrack. I like your blog, even if it does feature scary Al

  21. Thanks for the welcome…I must say I find your blog fascinating…my sister just graduated from Nursing, and thanks to you I now realize our lives are more similar than I thought…

  22. so has she got a job already? We need more nurses at the gimcrack

  23. She’s in mental health…she told her class she was inspired to go into that field because of her sister, but I have no idea what she is talking about because I didn’t even know there was such a thing.

    She drinks a lot.

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