advice for the groom

Ida Craddock wrote The Wedding Night in 1900

“There is a wrong way and there is a right way to pass the wedding night.

sexual side of marriage

Do not, upon any account, use the hand for the purpose of sexual excitation at the bride’s genitals. There is but one lawful finger of love with which to approach her genitals, and this is the male organ. Even where there is a hymen whose orifice requires to be gradually enlarged in order to effect a painless entrance, the male organ, and not the finger, should be employed, lest a masturbative response be set up in the bride at the outset, which would be most unfortunate.

hands

As to the clitoris, this should be simply saluted, at most, in passing, and afterwards ignored as far as possible.

mother warned me

A woman’s clitoris is sometimes hooded, which, of course, is an unnatural condition. Many a girl infant, it is now maintained by some physicians, is nervously deranged by the existence of such a hood, and would be restored to health by its circumcision.

deranged

image found here

Also, to the bride, I would say : Bear in mind that it is part of your wifely duty to perform pelvic movements during the embrace, riding your husband’s organ gently, and, at times, passionately, with various movements, up and down, sideways, and with a semi-rotary movement, resembling the movement of the thread of a screw upon a screw.

Trapeze_Artists_in_Circus

Published in: on June 10, 2009 at 8:06 am  Comments (42)  

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  1. If you rub the thread of a screw upon screw too much, it’ll get stripped. Or does that happen beforehand?

  2. ‘lest a masturbative response be set up in the bride at the outset, which would be most unfortunate.’

    Yes that would be terrible… just terrible… I mean just going by the videos I’ve seen.

  3. Ida needs a good…er, talking to.

  4. It sounds like Ida didn’t want brides to enjoy what she never experienced.

  5. Ida was a crackpot.

    • But Nessa…. she spoke so highly of you…..

  6. “…and with a semi-rotary movement, resembling the movement of the thread of a screw upon a screw.”

    They didn’t have the word “spiral” in 1900?

    Which is just as well; i don’t think a semi-virginal lass spiralling her way down a male organ would be quite as fabulous an experience (for either player) as it sounds on paper…

  7. Wow! It was a man’s world back then for sure! The comment about a woman’s clitoris was superfluous since most men can’t find it anyway. Or so I hear.

  8. Hang on, there are quite few words in there I’ll have to look up ……..

    • was one of them clitoris?

  9. Hmmm…I never thought of using my unit as a finger. I can carry more stuff from the grocery now.

    • Class!

      Although I doubt that the judge would fully appreciate the genius in your observation.

  10. The whole business about a masturbative response being unfortunate was alive and well in the 1960’s, when out newly minted “sex ed” class purveyed the information that a girl who masturbated would probably “lose her ability to respond to her husband.”

    At that point in my life, considering the examples around me, I had decided that I had no intention of getting married anyway and had nothing to lose by going for it.

    UB — The problem isn’t guys who can’t find it, it’s guys who do and yell TA-DA! and thereafter act as if the other 95% of a girl’s tackle isn’t worth attention. It’s like someone shining a light right in your eyes…

    • I find that your observations tend to be insightful and often contain what I would call “wisdom.” No pressure. Please continue.

      Jess Noticing

  11. Too late!

    The King

  12. Wow this advice has EPIC FAIL written all over it.

  13. Citoral stimulation by hand or by tongue is the divils work. Did I mention my middle name is Lucifer?

    • That doesn’t surprise me one bit

  14. Ida apparently didn’t have a clue. She must have set some women back by a few decades by writing this book.

  15. You mean to tell me that there’s sex after marriage?

  16. Oh, it’s my wifely duty, is it? Horseshit. I mean, duh…but not because I’m your fucking wife. It’s…shit, Rass, stop talking.

    • Here Rassles, let me pass you another beer….

  17. Hi! I might just ask my parents if this type of thing went on in their days…yeah right! Not being wet behind my ears myself, I couldn’t abide by this! Far too boring!

  18. If I can’t use my finger, what will I smell on the ride home?

    😀

  19. Growing up Pagan, I was always kind of amused at the idea that one should be celibate until after the wedding. I mean, do I really want to be bound to someone for life before finding out that we’re not sexually compatible?

    Like, what if she doesn’t want to wear the cowboy hat?

  20. what ever happened to getting ridiculously drunk and having sloppy drunk sex?

  21. I think some blokes must have read that in their teens under the bed sheets and believed it to be true [no names, no pack drills ]lol 😉

  22. “There is but one lawful finger of love”

    Huh? Those aren’t laws… more like guidelines, really…

    Ida needs a drink and about 8 hours of an “i don’t care what the neighbors think” debauchery festival…

  23. What’s a clitoris? Do you suppose my wife has one? I don’t remember seeing one lying around…

    • Check her drawers. I do apologize.

      Sarah Tonin

  24. So my husband was the one who set me up?

    Thanks, dear!

  25. Dodge Chargers have hoods, clitori have hoods, KKK guys have hoods. Hoods are versitile and not to be pinned down.

    H. Winkler

  26. Ah, marriage…An august and sophisticated institution. Like fine wine, it only seems to get better with time.

  27. I love that Dodge ad!

  28. But what about oral, Ida? Or anal? Or bringing in the hotel maid for a honeymoon threesome?

    • I don’t think Ida’s gonna go for that

  29. I stand firmly behind that last bit of advice. Pun intended.

  30. As a gentleman, I usually salute the clitoris, but the damn thing is so cute I cannot resist blowing it kisses as well!

  31. Thank heaven we shed all that nonsense in the 60’s. Hell, I was masturbating before I knew what masturbation meant. Tough luck for my ex-husband. (Not really, I think he liked a responsive clitoris, maybe a little too much.)

  32. There’s only one book to read before (and after) the wedding night.
    ‘KAMASUTRA’ (Wish Ida Craddock read it).

  33. ah. what else to say but ‘ah’.

  34. well, what can I say except–“well, there you go.”


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